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Grief after losing my mum

DawnAngela
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In June this year my mum passed away, 10 months after her diagnosis. We were extremely close, I lived with them until last year, we went on holidays all the time, we were best friends, I told her everything and she was my rock. It has now been 2-3 months and I can't face my grief. I feel pain and I think about her all day every day. When I think about it I feel like I'm suffocating and in the run up to her passing I was having panic attacks. Now I can't seem to cry? And I don't understand why? When I do feel everything it feels horrific. I just cannot understand it as she was the nicest sweetest person in the world and did so much for everyone. I am only 30 years old and she was only 59 and I feel that we, and more importantly she, has been completely robbed. I can't get over it but I also can't cry and want to know how others felt after the death of someone they loved with all their heart? How do you cope with the suffering? Both what you feel now and how you saw them at the end? She was my favourite person in the world.

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    Dawn, I do not have any advice as I am where you are. I lost my Mum 3 weeks ago. I am finding it very hard to cope with. I do not want to wake up in the morning. However I have been forced into the group of HAVE TO. It is unfair there is no free will there. I have to deal as I have a 6yr old daughter and although she has no idea what I am going through and sees me cry all the time. She just says great Mum is crying again! I would hate for her to feel this much pain. I am 36 and my Mum just turned 69. I lost my Dad when I was 13 he was not even 50. Then my husband has lost two brothers and they were only 36 and 41. I know all too well that robbed feeling and it is unfair. They are taken away so young with so many plans. My Mum only last 10mths after diagnosis too. I am so sorry for your loss. I do not know how to offer any good advice just letting you know if you want to talk I am here to listen. xx
  • Offline in reply to Lostandangry

    I am so sorry to hear of your losses :( it seems so completely unfair. It must be difficult too having to pick yourself up when some days all I feel like is moping in front of the Telly, I find that grief really drains you. I hope to try for a baby at some point in the near future and cannot wait to bring a baby into this world but also feeling very sad that my mum never got to meet my children :( I really appreciate you taking the time to reply and also would like to say that I am here too if you need to chat xx

  • Offline in reply to DawnAngela

    I am finding it hard to even watch tv. I can not concerntrate. I have about 6 or more episodes of Criminal Minds and Tyler Henry taped however can not bring myself to watch them as they where Mum and my favourites. I just keep taping them. I sit and try to watch something and think to myself Mum would love this movie. My heart is so broken without her.
    My Dad never got to meet my daughter. My Mum had got her life back on track after some really rough years and she loved spending time with my daughter when she could. Now that has been taken away. It is so rough going to school drop off and pick up and watching other grandparents pick up their grandkids.
    xx

  • Offline in reply to Lostandangry
    I feel the same – I can’t get into films or anything any more. I forced myself to watch Harry Potter as me and my mum use to watch them on repeat and even hearing the music makes me feel sad. That must be devastating :( I know my brother and sister-in-law feel the same too as their eldest still asks after my mum and says that she wants to see her. I wish there was something I could say to bring you all comfort too. One thing I have done is to start a memory book. I don’t know about you but after watching my mum’s illness and passing my mind felt very clouded at the end and I couldn’t think back. Now whenever I remember something nice, I write it down. It makes me sad to do it but one day I want to share all those memories with my children. Does having children give you something to focus on and get out of bed for? I would like to have kids myself soon but I am worried about not being in a positive enough place for them. I know there are always people who are worse off but I also look at my facebook and want to shout at them that they don’t know how lucky they are. xx
  • Offline in reply to DawnAngela

    My head is full of cloudyness still. It whirls in circles. One minute oh there is a show Mum would like.... no she is not here. Now she misses out on this and she misses out on that. Crying so much my heart hurts and my eyes are burning and head thumping. Go to get the headache tablets and they remind me of Mum as she was there when I got them.
    I am not sure if having my child makes it easier. I feel like I am slipping away from her again. I suffered from post natal depression with her and it was terrible. No one knows how I am feeling. I only have the one and now I think should I have bought her into this world as I would hate her to feel this much pain.... then also the guilt of she is my only one. So when I do go she has not got anyone to lean on.

    I am finding those sayings so hard to believe. You Mum would not want you like this. How does anyone know what they want. (She wanted to stay and keep living but she left!!!) She is in a better place. How do you know?
    I know exactly what you are talking about in regards to Facebook. I rarely look at mine. I have one particular friend who has both parents but does not talk to them due to horrible upbringing. They are in their 90's (how lucky!) and she said oh you can have my Mum if you want. I was shell shocked like wth?
    I want my MUM. Not anyone elses and I wish my MUM and Dad had the chance to keep living well into their 90's.
    xx
     

  • Offline in reply to Lostandangry
    Lostandangry you sound just like me. I lost my beloved Mum suddenly in September 2016, just 14 months after my Dad. I feel no better at all, it just gets worse. I can't believe they are both gone and I will never see them in this life again. I miss ringing Mum up, I miss visiting her, I miss her at Christmas and birthdays and Mother's Day, all very, very hard. I have no family of my own, they WERE my family. I miss her beautiful smile, I miss her love and I miss her company. I understand what you mean when you say shows come on that she loves. I always think when something comes on TV that Mum would have liked 'she can't watch this now' and I long with an ache to tell her things that keep happening all the time, like I always did. She was a brilliant Mum. They were both in their 80's when I lost them, but I too wish they could have lived into their 90's like so many people do nowadays - imagine all those extra Christmases with them. It seems we are not all alone, but nothing takes the pain away, does it ? xxx
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  • Offline in reply to Lostandangry
    Lostandangry you sound just like me. I lost my beloved Mum suddenly in September 2016, just 14 months after my Dad. I feel no better at all, it just gets worse. I can't believe they are both gone and I will never see them in this life again. I miss ringing Mum up, I miss visiting her, I miss her at Christmas and birthdays and Mother's Day, all very, very hard. I have no family of my own, they WERE my family. I miss her beautiful smile, I miss her love and I miss her company. I understand what you mean when you say shows come on that she loves. I always think when something comes on TV that Mum would have liked 'she can't watch this now' and I long with an ache to tell her things that keep happening all the time, like I always did. She was a brilliant Mum. They were both in their 80's when I lost them, but I too wish they could have lived into their 90's like so many people do nowadays - imagine all those extra Christmases with them. It seems we are not all alone, but nothing takes the pain away, does it ? xxx
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