Welcome to Cancer Chat, Katy.

I'm so sorry to hear about your husband, behalf of all the team here at Cancer Chat please accept our condolences. 

As some of our members who are going through a similar process can tell you what you are feeling at the moment is perfectly normal, so try not to be too harsh on yourself.

When you have a minute and feel ready for it, you might want to have a look at this link on coping with grief: www.cancerresearchuk.org/.../coping-with-grief and I hope this can be of some help.

And whenever you need a shoulder to cry on please remember we are here for you.

Warm wishes,

Renata, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi i have just lost my husband to cancer after a 4 year fight ,it's horrendous you do your best to look after them, but you know there going to die it's heartbreaking,my husband spent his last 11 days in Trinity hospice he had been in there 3 times previous,so they knew him in there, i just knew time he wouldn't come out, he was poorly most of the 4 year fight, i thought i was having a breakdown at 1 point, i don't know where i got the strength from, inwasnt eating or sleeping but you just get on with it ,it was heartbreaking watching him suffer for so long ,he was a amazing husband and dad & grandad, we all miss him it's still very raw (3 wks) it just feels empty in the home without him ,we was together for 40 years so I'm struggling ,but trying to be strong ,i know what other people are going through who's lost there husband's ,my life will never be the same without him ,you stay strong Hun that's all we can do xx

Hi Caldbeck,

I am so sorry to hear that you lost your husband in April – my sincere condolences. It is early days for you yet. People grieve in different ways and for different lengths of time. It is not at all unusual to cry a lot – this is a good safety valve, so let them flow. It is not so easy going home to an empty house, but is especially difficult at times like this. Do you have any family or friends to support you?

The pain will subside with time, but it is impossible to predict how long. Do you work? Try your best to keep as busy as you can. Would you consider taking up a night course on something that interests you? It could also be helpful to see a grief counsellor who can give you advice on coping strategies.

I am thinking of you and praying that you get some peace of mind.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi sue,

I am also very sorry to hear about your husband and offer my sincere sympathy.

Somehow or other we struggle with the end stages of this disease and gain strength to get us through the nightmare.I think that we often rely on Adrenaline to survive. For all we know that the end is nigh, we often fail to prepare ourselves for what happens after our loved one has passed on.

There are many things to keep you busy up to the funeral. After the funeral is over there is a hiatus where there is very little to do. You have been kept on the go for the past 4 years with visiting your husband and catering for his needs, now you need to make tme for all the things you had to put on hold.

What ages are your grandchildren and do they live nearby? It is often by immersing ourselves in the younger generations that we find ourselves gradually learning to cope with living alone.

I hope and pray that you will come to terms with all that has happened and you will soon begin to accept you new situation.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi I just lost my husband on March1st to lung cancer stage 4, he was at home till he passed away the loneliness, and emptiness is unbearable.

Hi LOST123, 

I just saw your post and wanted to offer my sincerest condolences on the passing of your husband to lung cancer in March.

As you've discovered there are many members here who know what you are going through at the moment so do keep chatting to others here whenever you feel lonely as there will always be someone here to listen and support you at this difficult time. There is another discussion I've included for you to have a look at as well as information on our website about coping with grief.

Kind regards, 

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi Lost,

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband and offer my sincere sympathy.

You do not say how long your husband struggled with cancer. You have done well to keep him at home until the end. I expect that your home now feels so empty because you’ve presumably had a busy house while he was there and, it has suddenly become so quiet. It is so difficult to accept the loss of a sole mate. I know that it sounds like a cliché, but it takes time to come to terms with this.

 Do you have any support from family and friends or any outside interests? You may not feel like going out of the house at present, but it is good to get out and talk to other people. When do you find is the worst time to be at home on your own? Most people find that evenings are the loneliest. If this is the case try and get out at night. It doesn’t matter whether it is to an evening classes, theatre, cinema or going out for a meal with friends.

You will find this site very helpful, as there are so many others going through the same heartache as you are experiencing. Feel free to come back when and as you need to. We are all here to support one another. Many of the people who use this site claim that they find it cathartic to write thins down.

Steph has mentioned two good areas to visit on this site and you should find both helpful.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx