Hi Tazzie,

Welcome to the forum. I'm so sorry to read about the loss of your husband, especially hard when things seemed to be going well for him.

I hope you find some help and support on the forum. So many people on here have been through something similar and others live with the stress of knowing that it could be just round the corner.

Birthdays and Christmas are always difficult times, we try to remember the good times, but none of us can help feeling loss and regret. 

Best wishes

Dave

Hello Tazzie,  I am so sorry to hear of your loss.  It is similar to my situation - my husband was first diagnosed Nov 2016, at which point he was asymptomatic - they only found it by accident, so although we were told with his type of cancer a lot of people only get 3 months, they did say there was a 13% chance he might survive 5 years, and because he was so healthy we both expected 5 years.  We were told on 26th January following a scan that it had spread too far and too fast and there was nothing more they could do, and that we would be lucky to get weeks.  We too wanted him to come home and made all the necessary arrangements.  He died at home on the 21st February.  Just 4 weeks ago today.  I coped quite well the first couple of weeks with so much to do and so many people around me, but now it is getting harder every day.  We didn't have children, only dogs, and they are my furry salvation - I have to keep on keeping on for them, and I owe that to them, but still my life has lost all meaning.  Sloth's 43rd birthday was less than 2 weeks after I lost him, and our 6th wedding anniversary will be on Friday.  I am absolutely lost.  I go through all the right motions, eating, sleeping, talking to people, but I just don't know what the point is.  I had a job I absolutely loved and am good at, and that took me 16 years to get to, but even that has lost all interest.  My company have been great and I keep thinking if I can just go back then maybe I will be able to face the world, but I get in the car and I just can't do it - I cry, I panic, I just want to be at home where I feel safe.  

I am sorry - I don't think any of this helps you in any way, but I keep getting told that it will help me to talk about it, so I come onto the forums, hoping to get a glimmer of hope, but I don't think that's really possible in our situation, is it?  x

Thank you for your response and I myself have just my pets to give me comfort when I'm on my own. During the day I'm not to bad but the night's are the worst I wasn't sure whether to post on here. Believe it not I didn't think talking about it would help but I feel it is helping me to cope in some way. x

There is a wealth of experience on here, and many people further down the line than we are, so whilst it doesn't feel like it, I suppose there must be a time when you get used to the 'new normal', and learn to accept the grief.  I suppose there must come a time when the good days outweigh the bad, although from my current point of view it is very hard to see.  Still, it is some comfort to know we are not alone, and that others have experienced, lived with, and survived this level of pain.