Hello

your post really touched my heart.  I like you adore my dad, I can't imagine the pain you must be feeling as my dad is still here.  But I do remember the pain and fear I felt when he was diagnosed with prostate cancer.  It's sole destroying watching a loved one go through cancer.  I have lost two loved ones to this horrible disease.  Like you I nursed them right till the end.  The first will be 8 years in June, my dearest best friend she was 40 years old.  I couldn't get Alison's final moments out of my head and the way she looked.  I realise now that the way I was feeling was completely normal.  We cope with what is asked of us at the time even though we are scared because they need us to stay strong.  It's after that we often fall to pieces.  I can tell you though I miss my dear friend very much, the painful memories do diminish with time.  When I think of my dear friend it is the good times that spring to mind first.   The old cliche time is a healer is true I'm pleased to say.  It's still so very raw for you and I'm afraid it probably will be for some time...but little by little it will hurt less... Have you spoken to anyone about grief counselling, it might help you.  Lean on your family your siblings if you can there love will help you through. Be kind to yourself.  Your dad was very lucky to be so loved right until the very end, you will have brought him so much happiness and that will have helped him more than you know..

kindest wishes

Kate x

I lost my Dad who is my whole world this morning at 3am, he died alone in hospital. I lost my mother and brother in 2007 within  six months of each I other I thought that hurt,but this pain, I  wished died too with him.  He wanted to die at home I couldn't even manage that for him. I am so sorry Dad, you were the kindest man and you did not deserve what you went through.

I know how difficult is it- my dad died during the only holiday I had out of the country this year. Cant believe that out of the 52 wks of the year, he died 3days before I got home. The only comfort I have is that I believe I wasnt meant to be there...if not I dont know how I would cope. Hope ypu can get through this with support. X

Your post really touched me, I feel what you’re going through.  I must say I’m in exactly the same point in my grief. It will be 2 years in this November the 16th 2019 which was my dads birthday.  I can’t stop thinking about his last months, weeks, days it hurts so much .  I keep thinking I must be crazy to not be able to let go of my grief but I just can’t. He meant the world to me, and even on his last day his beautiful smile which never changes was there at one point . I’m sorry to ramble on about my experience.  I really hope that you are finding some peace and that things have got easier as the years  have passed .  I find it so hard to imagine at this point that  I cant just remember the good times.  I hope you don’t mind my reply, just your experience really hit home with me and suddenly I didn’t feel so alone in my grief.  I feel eternally grateful we were blessed to have dads that were so loved in our lives.  It is so strange that how alone and disconnected to can feel, yet anyone who has ever loved anyone has to go through the same emotions, albeit everyone copes in different ways.  Thankyou for your heartfelt post it really has helped me today and I’m sorry because I’m sounding quite selfish , but this has really helped and I hope that you are truly feeling in a better place yourself. Take care ️

Jacqueline 

Hi there, I'm sorry to hear about your loss, it really hit home because it's exactly how I lost my father 11 months ago. He got diagnosed in the October 2017 and passed away July 2018. He too lost weight and was shocked when I went to visit him as we lived 3 hours away from each other so I visited as much as I could which is a great guilt I should have been there more..... I will never get that time back with him.... my dad actually passed away as I popped out to get some air after sitting next to him all night and I asked him why? Everyday.... i didnt get to say goodbye and it hurts... I can't move on... this is why I feel for you.... I have a relationship a children too and I suppose your expected to be alright and get on with life cuz you have a duty as a wife and a mother but unless some1 has been where you are it's hard to explain the emptiness inside you..... I was a daddy's girl and without him I'm lost my best friend has gone and I dont wanna be here without him I miss him and just wanna see him.... like you just 5 mins with him just to say goodbye and that I love him.... I'm sorry I'm rambling i just wanted you to know your not on your own..... there are others that feel like you I start counselling on weds have you looked into that? Is that an option for you? Please take care and like I said your not alone although it is a lonely time people are there to help and support you.

Hi there - just read your post & wanted to say how sad this is for you. What struck me most about it however, was what a fantastic dad you had & what a legacy he has left in that you obviously not only love him but have so much respect for what he did for you all & how hard he worked. I'm afraid my dad wasn't like that at all. It's affected me negatively all of my life (I'm now 67). I tell you that because I hope that you can flip the coin of the loss you are experiencing & focus on all the good stuff about your dad so that as time goes on & you get to my age you will feel exactly the opposite to me. As I say, he has left you such a legacy - pride - proud he was YOUR dad. I'm sure you won't let him down by focusing on the terrible time you had & your grief but on how much you loved each other.

Loss, sadly is the price we pay for loving people but at the end of the day it's the love that matters & that won't ever go away but the grief will.

All the very best to you.

Hi there do you know the same thing happend to me on holidays it took me years to get over that eventualy i realized that the guilt i felt over it was ridiculous but at the time it didnt feel that way at the time .grief makes us wear our emotioal head if i had had counciling perhaps i i woundnt have sufferd its just the way life is so i ihouldnt feel bad about it ime a dad with adult children and i wouldnt expect them to put life on hold plus with this rotton disease you realy dont know when your going to go some are told weeks and live for years some are told years and can be gone in a week like my partner first chemo monday massive stroke friday morning and died of sepsis 4 am sunday it totaly flattend me but she went quick and peaceful which was a blessing for her but not to me so dont feel guilty my friend there was nothing you could have done regards paul

Wow hun I am crying like a baby to the story of your dad it reminds me of my dad, exactly the same altho he didn't die of cancer he was just ill but everything from being a proud man, very family oriented and just the best dad, losing weight, not eating just slowly getting weaker and weaker. I also left my husband and kids and stayed with him for his last week, sat by his bed every night and wishing he would just go and be out of pain, and then watched him take his last breath and now that image is stuck with me for ever the saddest thing is that he didn't even make it to 60! I don't know how we get through it hun i am not even 2 months in yet but by the sounds of it this doesn't get any easier? I think we just need to think how they would be feeling and what they would say they wouldn't want us feeling like this just got to try and think of all the good memory's and just be lucky u had them for the time we did. Hope u can start to feel stronger u don't know me but if u ever want to talk give me a message cos I know how hard it is speaking about it to loved ones and bottling it all up but maybe easier talking to someone u don't really know but going through the same thing. Take care xx

It's so difficult I lost my dad last night to cancer and he was only 58 we were so close and I'm only 23 I never expected to loose him at this age :(