Cancer Research UK main site
  • Replies 11 replies
  • Views 3615 views
  • Users 0 members are here

I lost my dad and struggling to cope

weeglesgalassie
Offline

Hi,

We sadly lost my dad who was the most amazing father any daughter could ask for.. We knew he was gonna die as he was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He passed away a year and half ago now and it still feels like yesterday. I tried to do everything I could do with him whilst he was still able, like a bucket list if u like. I took him to a rugby game me and my sister it was the last time ever we had a day out together and a wee drink. He loved his whiskey so this was a good thing for us lol. It was the most amazing day ever it was almost like we forgot he had cancer and was dying. He was given 6 months to live he lasted 4. The build up to his death was horrible. The lose of weight being sick all the time not being able to eat the list goes on and on until finally he didn't even look like the man was. My dad was a very proud man, very family orientated, he never let me and my siblings down our whole lives he really was the perfect dad. We didn't grow up with all the money in the world but my dad went out and worked his *** off for every penny he had right up until his dying days. So we wasn't brought up spoilt we was just brought up with good family love the best anyone could ask for. When he was dying the last week of his life i stayed with him, I left my kids and partner at home and stayed with my dad. Every night I lay beside him holding his hand just so he knew I was was there like he always was for me.. every night I told him I loved him before I lay beside him to go to sleep and kissed his head. Then his final day came and I said that day this is the day he's gonna die. Somehow inside me I just knew and he did. Me and my siblings and my dads siblings and his inlaws was all there standing around us bed as we watched him take his last breathe. It was devastating but when he was dying and suffering I just wished his suffering would end he would just go so he didn't have to go through it but when he died and until this present moment I have regretted feeling that way cause I would do anything now just to have 5 more mins with him. Every day is a struggle and I just don't know how to deal with this how to learn to live with it. It's effected my relationship my kids everything in my life cause I can't cope. I can't get it out my head how he died the way he looked when he was dying and this ugly disease took over his whole body and killed the most amazing man that willl ever be in my life.. why does cancer have to exist ?!.. why did it have to take my dad?!.. I wish I could turn back time just so I can have a cuddle again. Just one cuddle it's all I ask for. I hate this life!!

Parents
  • Offline
    Right before Christmas I found out that my dad has prostate cancer. We had to wait 2 more weeks to find out that it had spread to his bones too. I feel like his doctors aren’t being as aggressive as they need to be. Long delays in treatment. Now the doctor says it is advanced and it is aggressive. Since it spread to his bones that is considered stage 4. When I did some online research I saw where only 47% of men live 1 year when they are at this stage. This still doesn’t seem real to me. I don’t want it to be real. I don’t want to lose my Dad!!! I am still in denial about it. I think he is too. I wish I could wake up and realize that this has just been a really bad nightmare. Everything is happening so quickly. I don’t like change anyhow and the past 3 months have been pretty intense with so many really bad, really fast, really intense changes. He seemed ok last November but before Christmas he went downhill fast. He couldn’t urinate for 3 days before he agreed he needed an emergency appointment to see his dr. He is 82. I know I should feel lucky that he lived as long as he did but I expected more. His mother and grandmother lived into to be 93 and 98 so I always thought my dad would make it to 100. There is never a good time to lose someone you love so much. There is never enough time to spend with someone you love so much. He was always the strong one. He was always responsible, protective, reliable, rational and smart. What bothers me the most about all of this is knowing how scary this must be for him and the feeling of helplessness that me, him and the rest of my family feel. He doesn’t want to talk about it with me or my sister. I feel like he is sliding off a cliff and we are all struggling to keep him from falling but we are losing our grip and he is slipping away. I don’t know how he can even get any sleep knowing that he is only going to continue to get worse and worse until it finally kills him. What a cruel torture this horrible thing is! Whenever I wake up and whenever I try to go to sleep is when I feel the most scared, helpless, hopeless and emotional about all of this. I never lost anyone *this* close to me before although I have lost 6 friends to cancer. So now it’s going to take my Dad too?!!! Oh how I wish there was a cure for cancer and I wish it wasn’t already too late to stop the inevitable from happening. :(
Reply
  • Offline
    Right before Christmas I found out that my dad has prostate cancer. We had to wait 2 more weeks to find out that it had spread to his bones too. I feel like his doctors aren’t being as aggressive as they need to be. Long delays in treatment. Now the doctor says it is advanced and it is aggressive. Since it spread to his bones that is considered stage 4. When I did some online research I saw where only 47% of men live 1 year when they are at this stage. This still doesn’t seem real to me. I don’t want it to be real. I don’t want to lose my Dad!!! I am still in denial about it. I think he is too. I wish I could wake up and realize that this has just been a really bad nightmare. Everything is happening so quickly. I don’t like change anyhow and the past 3 months have been pretty intense with so many really bad, really fast, really intense changes. He seemed ok last November but before Christmas he went downhill fast. He couldn’t urinate for 3 days before he agreed he needed an emergency appointment to see his dr. He is 82. I know I should feel lucky that he lived as long as he did but I expected more. His mother and grandmother lived into to be 93 and 98 so I always thought my dad would make it to 100. There is never a good time to lose someone you love so much. There is never enough time to spend with someone you love so much. He was always the strong one. He was always responsible, protective, reliable, rational and smart. What bothers me the most about all of this is knowing how scary this must be for him and the feeling of helplessness that me, him and the rest of my family feel. He doesn’t want to talk about it with me or my sister. I feel like he is sliding off a cliff and we are all struggling to keep him from falling but we are losing our grip and he is slipping away. I don’t know how he can even get any sleep knowing that he is only going to continue to get worse and worse until it finally kills him. What a cruel torture this horrible thing is! Whenever I wake up and whenever I try to go to sleep is when I feel the most scared, helpless, hopeless and emotional about all of this. I never lost anyone *this* close to me before although I have lost 6 friends to cancer. So now it’s going to take my Dad too?!!! Oh how I wish there was a cure for cancer and I wish it wasn’t already too late to stop the inevitable from happening. :(
Children
No Data

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.