So sorry for your loss,

I felt the same as you when my mum passed away two months ago, my world just collapsed. The anxiety and not sleeping will eventually become less and less, however it is very dependent on each individual situation. please speak to someone, especially consider speaking to someome who is detached from your situation but understands what you have been through. It gets easier as time goes by, I couldnt sleep at all at first and I wasn't hungry. I have found keeping myself really busy throughout the day helps and spending as much time as possible with other people. I wanted to hide from the world at first but other people help by distracting you from what has just happened. I don't think the pain of the loss will ever leave me because of the shock and anxiety associated with the last year and watching my mum suffer and become weaker and weaker. Remember that they will always be with you because of your memories. take care and best wishes for chirstmas and new year.

jessica

Hi Jessica,

Thank you has your aniexty gone? My loss was only on the 31st October but it hit me two weeks ago. I feel depressed and anxious. I can hardly eat or sleep or even drink alochol. I am awaiting counselling. I saw my dad suffer too mainly in the last 3 months and I sort of relive it all its like my mind is torturing me. Do you get that? Your loss was very recent also have you been working? I find that so hard too cried at my desk a couple of times. Sorry for your loss btw. I had no idea it does this to people I thought you just get sad but the sleep deprivation is too much 

Hi Katie 

My Dad died on 06/12 and the funeral isn't until 22/12. It feels surreal and I keep expecting him to call. He was only diagnosed 3 weeks before he died and 3 weeks before that he was driving around in his car and his only complaint was back ache.... which turned out to be bone metastasis. As for work, I can't even see myself ever going back to work at the moment as I can't seem to function, I haven't even driven my car since as I wouldn't be safe. Even though you have cried at your desk I admire you hugely for going back to work. I'm so sorry for your loss and I really do feel your pain xx

Please pm I have replied but my internet is very slow x

Hi I feel exactly the same as you. My dad died 28th November. It was so sad seeing my dad go from heathy and active in August when he was diagnosed, to ill in a matter of weeks. We had lots of tears along the way and now I can't get my head around it. I made a PowerPoint of photos to show after the service, which really helped me focus and everyone enjoyed. It helped my mum too as we spoke about the memories etc. My dad loved Christmas and it's so hard seeing everyone having a good time, hearing happy Christmas songs and getting on with things when for us something so significant has happened. I've not slept or eaten properly in ages so in the new year I'm going to see a counsellor to talk about how I'm feeling. Definately talk about your dad and keep his memory alive everyday. He's 50% you so every second a part of him is with you Xx

Its only a few days! Its horrible but very common and normal to feel shocked and not believe it is true at first. And find it difficult to function.

Particulary shocking when it come out of the blue - its not like you had any warning and time to get used to the news. I do understand how you are feeling.

You may not feel able to feel you can cope with work now, but that doesnt mean that you will *never* work again. It varies, but you might feel more in control in a few days/weeks. I would hope that your employer has 'compassionate leave'? Its for exactly this situation, and means that you dont need to use up annual leave? Or go off sick.

Do talk to your GP if you continue to find it overwhelming? They may say what is true which is it its normal reaction to grief. Mine said that, and said it was a good idea to have time with family and friends for support.

There is also the option of getting some counselling. if that would be helpful (and available)

It does get easier over time. You will never forget him of course, but it will get less upsetting. .Thinking about him will be less traumatic. If you are like me, its horrendous to start with but has become just sadness rather than upset in the end.

Dont give yourself a hard time about having problems with functioning properly.  Make sure to look after yourself. Eating even when you arent hungry, and resting.

There are pages on bereavent in NHS Choices. One is about dealing with grief:

www.nhs.uk/.../Dealingwithloss.aspx

So sorry for your loss. My dad also passed away recently, 23rd Nov and his funeral was a week ago.

Dad was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer 11 weeks ago and I can't believe he's no longer with us.

It's all happened so quickly. Dad was in hosp for 3weeks then we cared for him at home. He deteriorated very quickly. 

I completely understand what you're going through. Shock set in with me after the funeral and my head is scrambled. I can't think straight. I'm not sleeping very well either. I'm looking after mum the best I can, luckily she doesn't live far from me. Poor mum, her and dad were together for 59yrs. 

Grief is a rollercoaster of emotions and it's not the same for everyone. Counselling is a good idea if you're feeling very depressed every day quite a while afterwards. It's normal to have waves of emotion. Which im having. Some days I do okay and others I feel so upset. 

Just wish we could bring them back again. But im sure they'll be looking down at us, watching over us xx