So sorry for your loss,

I felt the same as you when my mum passed away two months ago, my world just collapsed. The anxiety and not sleeping will eventually become less and less, however it is very dependent on each individual situation. please speak to someone, especially consider speaking to someome who is detached from your situation but understands what you have been through. It gets easier as time goes by, I couldnt sleep at all at first and I wasn't hungry. I have found keeping myself really busy throughout the day helps and spending as much time as possible with other people. I wanted to hide from the world at first but other people help by distracting you from what has just happened. I don't think the pain of the loss will ever leave me because of the shock and anxiety associated with the last year and watching my mum suffer and become weaker and weaker. Remember that they will always be with you because of your memories. take care and best wishes for chirstmas and new year.

jessica

Hi Jessica,

Thank you has your aniexty gone? My loss was only on the 31st October but it hit me two weeks ago. I feel depressed and anxious. I can hardly eat or sleep or even drink alochol. I am awaiting counselling. I saw my dad suffer too mainly in the last 3 months and I sort of relive it all its like my mind is torturing me. Do you get that? Your loss was very recent also have you been working? I find that so hard too cried at my desk a couple of times. Sorry for your loss btw. I had no idea it does this to people I thought you just get sad but the sleep deprivation is too much 

Hi Katie 

My Dad died on 06/12 and the funeral isn't until 22/12. It feels surreal and I keep expecting him to call. He was only diagnosed 3 weeks before he died and 3 weeks before that he was driving around in his car and his only complaint was back ache.... which turned out to be bone metastasis. As for work, I can't even see myself ever going back to work at the moment as I can't seem to function, I haven't even driven my car since as I wouldn't be safe. Even though you have cried at your desk I admire you hugely for going back to work. I'm so sorry for your loss and I really do feel your pain xx

Please pm I have replied but my internet is very slow x

Hi all

I am so so sorry for all your losses. I am in the same place albeit a little further on from you as Dad passed in July. I would guess many of you are still in the numb/shock stage which takes several weeks to come out of. I too really struggle with the "where is he?" and the anxiety. In fact I really felt like half of me was missing and lost all social confidence which I am only slightly regaining now almost 6 months on. Dad was not only a parent but a best friend and a mentor and I still cannot comprehend I will never see him again. My mum lives a fair while away (and chooses to stay there although the offer has been to move near us) but that is her choice and I really respect that but it also means that I constantly stress about her and sometimes put my own grief on hold for that which is not healthy. I did start seeing a counsellor which I felt really helped.If nothing else just to be able to selfishly unload for an hour without worrying about upsetting anyone. I dont know about you but even though I have a 4 and 6 year old I suddenly feel like I am a parent rather than a child and my own safety blanket has been whipped away. It is so much harder to deal with from every aspect than I ever imagined. Chrsitmas will be tough and like you Dad was massive on Christmas and there will be a gaping hole. I will make it special for the kids and I know that dad would not want us to be sad. The one thing I have to remember is that I was blessed to have the most amazing dad and feel the most incredible love for 39 years of my life, Some people never experience that. I got to say goodbye, thank you and everything else I wanted to the most amazing man I will ever know (sorry husband - you are on a parr!) Sending virtual hugs to you all and am always here for anyone that wants to "off load" as I have found that it is only people that have experienced it really "get" what we are all going through. Much love xx

Its only a few days! Its horrible but very common and normal to feel shocked and not believe it is true at first. And find it difficult to function.

Particulary shocking when it come out of the blue - its not like you had any warning and time to get used to the news. I do understand how you are feeling.

You may not feel able to feel you can cope with work now, but that doesnt mean that you will *never* work again. It varies, but you might feel more in control in a few days/weeks. I would hope that your employer has 'compassionate leave'? Its for exactly this situation, and means that you dont need to use up annual leave? Or go off sick.

Do talk to your GP if you continue to find it overwhelming? They may say what is true which is it its normal reaction to grief. Mine said that, and said it was a good idea to have time with family and friends for support.

There is also the option of getting some counselling. if that would be helpful (and available)

It does get easier over time. You will never forget him of course, but it will get less upsetting. .Thinking about him will be less traumatic. If you are like me, its horrendous to start with but has become just sadness rather than upset in the end.

Dont give yourself a hard time about having problems with functioning properly.  Make sure to look after yourself. Eating even when you arent hungry, and resting.

There are pages on bereavent in NHS Choices. One is about dealing with grief:

www.nhs.uk/.../Dealingwithloss.aspx

So sorry for your loss. My dad also passed away recently, 23rd Nov and his funeral was a week ago.

Dad was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer 11 weeks ago and I can't believe he's no longer with us.

It's all happened so quickly. Dad was in hosp for 3weeks then we cared for him at home. He deteriorated very quickly. 

I completely understand what you're going through. Shock set in with me after the funeral and my head is scrambled. I can't think straight. I'm not sleeping very well either. I'm looking after mum the best I can, luckily she doesn't live far from me. Poor mum, her and dad were together for 59yrs. 

Grief is a rollercoaster of emotions and it's not the same for everyone. Counselling is a good idea if you're feeling very depressed every day quite a while afterwards. It's normal to have waves of emotion. Which im having. Some days I do okay and others I feel so upset. 

Just wish we could bring them back again. But im sure they'll be looking down at us, watching over us xx