Sorry to hear about your mum mags. The pain is unbearable isnt it. My mum died suddenly of a brain hemorrhage in June and I dont know how I've got through the last 5 months. She was 74 and I thought she was as fit as a fiddle.

Cheryl x

Dear Kataczky,

   I am grieving the loss of my mum. I felt the need to see how other people are dealing with the same situation. I read your post and can relate. I wondered how are you doing further down the line now? My mum was also a Doctor so a part of me thinks maybe she did know but another says no. My mum was ill quite a lot and survived breast cancer. A few years ago she nearly died twice and I was so upset. I went to the different hospitals to see and help her. We used to text a lot, one message she wrote to me was that she had to accept dying because she was so ill. That she was not worried just glad of the happy release I still have that in my phone now. Over the past several months she was struggling to do normal things, i didn't think she was going to go. I guess i was over confident and in denial as she had bounced back before. Also because when I called the hospital I always got positive information. Due to Covid I couldn't visit her when she was in from late March. I was so shocked when I found out there was nothing more they could do. The pain and loss is immense since she left last month. I hope everyone who has lost their mum can heal as much as possible. 

Hi kat bless you im so so sorry for your loss i cant say it gets easier for me as i still feel so empty and have never been myself since i lost my amazing mother to cancer 4 years ago. I think what does help is speaking to people that feel the same pain because when i speak to people who still have there mum its like everything they say goes in one ear and out my other because they are just thinking what it would be like and thinking and feeling are totally different. I have found it extremly hard and had 2 spine ops after loosing my mother and i out it all down to stress as crazy as that sounds. I have an amazing family but i just cant get over the gut wrenching feeling and the shock of my mum no longer hear. I sit and stare at her picture and the pain of not seeing her again kills me so i no how you feel and its tough but for me no im so sorry hun it hasnt got easier and i still dont no how to cope with it i just try and block it out because i am still not ready to deal with it which i also no is not going to help me but i jist cant talk to anyone face to face about it so i find writing online helps a little. I hope your ok bless you xx

Hi,

Just 15 months after my mum's death my dad was taken to hospital because of gastrointestinal bleeding almost 3 months ago. We were told that it was caused by a tumour in his liver and that it is terminal. He was given two weeks to live. We took him home and tried to help him as much we could but last week we had to take him back to the hospital where we were told that the tumour grew and there is nothing to do now, he's got days to live. He was suffering for 5 days and on Monday the 20th he passed away. We went for a ski trip in March together and could not see any of this coming as he was doing well. I never thought I will "experience" what someone was given days or weeks to live means. It is such a shock as my mum only

died 17 months ago. Life is unfair. Both my parents were under 70.

Hi

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad dying so close to your mum. It's really hard when both are gone.

My dad died 22 years ago when he was 53 and I was 27. Losing my mum a year ago has been horrendous but at least I had time to come to terms with losing one before the other.

Thinking of you x

I too am in the same boat, lost my dad in 2016 my gran in 2019 and my mum 2 days ago. This one feels like the worse. She had ovarian cancer. She fought like a warrior, it was so traumatic to watch her fight and slip away. The hope of chemo, the wait for the scans, the nervous doctor appointments. The moment they say the treatment has to stop, the moment you have to the decision to bring her home, or for her to go to a hospice. To navigate Covid. Totally and utterly heartbreaking. My mum my best friend, my warrior.

Hi my mum passed away febuary  and like you finding it really hard You have good and bad day and like you carry on for the kids  Dont think you ever get over the lost of your mum you just got to carry on she lives on through you  and your kids

Hi Snowflake,

I'm writing, hoping that you've been able to find some joy and peace. It's been 5 months since my Mom passed away - it was her birthday recently too. I can't imagine the future without her. I can't imagine 30 years without her, let alone the time that has already passed.  I really really hope it did get better for you. 

Dolly

Hi Kayla,

Reading your message was so sad. My mum died last Sunday after a long battle against cancer and I'm not sure what I'm going to do. She was my best friend, my only true friend really. We would speak every day, all day. Instead of going out shopping with friends I'd go out with my mum. She was so easy to spend time with and was the biggest comfort to me in this life. Now that she's gone and I'm grief stricken, I miss that comfort more than ever. I go to bed early every night because I don't want to be awake thinking about the reality of my situation. I have my dad but I didn't realise how much his personality rubs me the wrong way. I find that he makes me feel worse about the situation, not better. My mum was the one that did that. She made me feel better about everything and anything. I went to see her body today at the funeral parlour and I can't describe to you how much of a comfort it was just seeing her face. I kept touching her hands and her face and even though she was stone cold I couldn't get enough of her. I felt like I wanted to get inside the casket with her and sleep there. If nobody had been there I might have! When it came time to leave I didn't want to go. I would have sat there all night just looking at her. Simply being in the same room as her body made me feel so much better than I've felt all week. Idk what I will do tomorrow after the funeral. The fact that she will be buried in the ground where I can't get to get really bothers me. I tried to explain how I felt to my dad and as usual he made me feel worse about the situation instead of better. What's worse is that I think he wants to stay with me now as he and my mother were together since they were teenagers and I don't think he will cope on his own. I want to do this for him because I love him and I promised my mum before she died that I would look after him and my brothers but I'm feeling so resentful about the fact that my mum isn't here and that he doesn't comfort me like she did, I'm not sure how it's going to work. Even thinking about my father in this way makes me think that he will die soon too, because I'm not appreciative of him. God takes everything away everything that we don't appreciate. This scares me. I don't want him to die too. I have two kids to take care of (I'm a single mum and their dad is beyond useless as a parent) so that keeps me going but in some ways I wish I was on my own because if I were, I'd end it. I just turned 37 and I'm not sure how I will be able to live the rest of my life, maybe 50 more years!!!!, without my mum. This fact alone convinces me that I am going to die soon too. There's no possible way I can survive that long without her. I don't think anything I've said will help you but reading your post helped me. I know that there are other people out there who are going through the same as me, or worse, and it forces me to feel grateful for what I have left. It's so tough because I want to take away the positive lesson of live every day to the fullest because who knows when your time is up but I don't know if I have the strength to keep going. The prospect of Christmases, birthdays etc without her makes me feel ill. My mum was very knowledgeable and had great taste so I would ask her opinion on everything; now who do I turn to? It seems like I am now the one to turn to, for my dad, my kids and my brothers, but I feel so small and insignificant compared to my mother who was such a powerful lady. I also feel resentful that I, the only girl left in the family, has this responsibility. Why can't one of the men in my family step up and take care of me instead? I don't know what to do. Some days I consider suicide and others I just get through by convincing myself that I have to be there for everyone else. I have no husband or partner, in fact I've been alone for 8 years and I don't think I will ever find someone. My mum was my someone for me and now she's gone. I can't believe how good my life used to be and I didn't even know it. I hope that you can find the strength within you to keep going and that I do too.