Hi, 

I can absolutely relate to how you feel. My mum only passed away 1 month ago and I am really struggling. I see your post is from 2016 and I just wonder if things have gotten any easier for you? My 2 little boys 4 and 6 have been my rocks and reason to get up each day. I hope you are OK. Xx

Hello, my mum passed away July 16th last year we was so close just like every one else I guess with there mums they hold your hands a while and your hearts forever...I have good and bad days just like my brothers we all knuckle together and get through it and we try stay strong always,mothersday wasn't a good day n mums birthday coming up too which we will celebrate I will say I'm adjusting and living with mums passing still have hard days especially when you just want a lol chat with mum.

i know how you feel i lost my mum 6 years ago it took me 5 years before i started to feel slightly better.

i am just starting to go out with my friends again for the first 5 years i barely got dressed only to go to the shop and come straight back home. i went into a very deep depression.

Your post touched me deeply. My mum died on New Year’s Eve 2018. It was unexpected. I resonate so much with everyone. I’m 58 and I feel like a little girl; I feel as if I’ll never be able to deal with this. I’m lost without her and miss her so very much. I’m exhausted and feel traumatized and so alone. 

One thing I’m finding helpful is Griefcast: a podcast by Cariyad Lloyd.

May we all find peace and healing. X

my mum passed away this afternoon - you are not alone, any of you x

Hi Fubar,

My amazing Mum only passed away 2 days ago, so what do I know, but I am going off other people's advice and talking to people constantly, which is the only thing that seems to make it a bit more bearable.

I am very sorry to hear about your Mum, it all sounds so sudden and a horrible shock for your whole family. I bet that holiday to Spain was absolutely fantastic and your children will have such lovely memories of your Mum and you can tell them stories about her whenever you like. You sound like an amazing father and son.

I've started a "coping with loss at night" thread for those of us who can't sleep and end up staying up late and feeling even more awful. If you ever want somewhere to vent, I will definitely be on there, I don't really sleep much these days.

Hi fubar1,

Welcome to the forum, so sorry for the loss of your mum and gran. Such a short time ago, I can only imagine how hard that must be. My mum passed away September 2018 from blood cancer; I think the hardest thing you ever have to face, the loss of a parent. You struck a chord when you said your mum would talk to anyone, my mum was the same, she was just lovely.

Some people say time heals, maybe it stops the uncontrollable tears, the panic attacks but you never get over it. My husband says that you have to not be consumed by the grief, I am hoping to get that acceptance stage, the new normal, I am getting there although you could say coming onto the forum again, I'm not quite there yet.

My brother like all of us was devastated but his way of dealing with it, is not to talk about it, I know he would find that too painful.

Our mum's would want us to carry on, as you say, with a positive attitude and not feel the sadness or have that empty feeling, I won't lie, that's harder said than done but that's ok, there are no rules with grief......I have had fun and laughter since...your boy is 8, same age as my great nephew, he makes me smile...but I also have days when it comes over you like a wave and you can't stop it , over time though, I have found you recover more quickly and I talk about my mum in happier times. 

Your dad is lucky to have a wonderful son, as you will do and are doing, supporting each other.....and certainly not my place to say...but maybe the drinking might not really help but just mask your feelings? If not already done so, a visit to your GP or counselling may be worth considering?

In a long-winded way, I just wanted to say, I understand how awful it is, I promise you though, we're stronger than you think....I believe our mum's are around somehow in spirit, willing us to carry on, grieve but not carry the sadness forever.

I hope your journey becomes easier.

Hi

i lost my wonderful mum in March this year. In January she was diagnosed with mesothelioma. An asbestos related cancer that is rare but becoming more common. But is mostly in men due to occupations. We didn’t have time to get our heads round the diagnosis let alone  mums passing just two months from diagnosis. There are so many ways in which I miss mum. She was there for me in every way possible. I would ring her everyday. Whenever in my car and when Walking the dog. My dog died too!  If didn’t ring her she’d text to ask if all was ok. I know exactly how you feel. Maybe it’s a coming to terms situation cos I don’t feel I’ll ever  get over it.  I feel very low at times but work in a hospital so although I look ok on the outside I’m far from in in reality but am I hopeful that it will get better over time.  As time is apparently a great healer

Hi fubar,

Im so sorry for the loss of your mum. She sounds lovely and you will find many of us going through the same experiences and emotions.

My mum died suddenly on the 14th june. She had only been ill for 11 days and it has been the most shocking thing to try and come to terms with. Even now, nearly 14 weeks later I still cant believe she wont be there when I get home or wont answer her phone if I call it.

We just have to get there very slowly and but by bit. Lean on your family for support and be there for your dad. I lost my dad many years ago unfortunately so living as an orphan now is an additional burden I am carrying.

I would agree with linda63 that you would probably be best to avoid alcohol till you are in a better place. My mum and I always had a glass of wine in our hands but since she died it just makes me even more miserable.

I have coped by getting out for lots of walks and being there for my 12 year old who was joined at the hip to my mum since she was born. My mum lived for her grandchildren and they adored each other.

Take care x