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My amazing dad died from liver cancer

Maggs
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Hi,

I am new to this group.

My dad passed away four days ago, Thursday 10th November and I can't get my head around it. It feels so unreal and I can't stop crying. My dad had lung cancer but beat it a few years ago and unfortunately got liver cancer. My dad fought for 10 years with various treatments and doing numerous trials so that he could maybe help someone else down the line with the research from the trials. My dad got told on the 13th October (not even 2 months ago) that they would stop all treatment as he was too weak now and it was doing his body more harm. My dad deteriorated quickly and had to go in to the Marie cutie hospice for a few days but the day he got to come hole my poor mum was advised he would be coming hole to die. I still can't believe I am writing this about MY dad!. He had two days at home with us before e passed which I have now been told was exactly what he wanted, to be home with his family around him. I can't get the pictures and sounds out of my head of my dad looking so fragile and on so many meds and oxygen. He mostly slept but acknowledged all of his immediate family while he was awake for brief periods. We all got to say our good byes, that I will always be grateful of. The moment he passed my mum was cleaning his face with a flannel, that was when he decided he could go. It gives me comfort knowing he chose to go with his best friend, wife and love of his life by his side. He wouldn't have wanted any of his children to have seen it. The funeral is on Wednesday and I really can't cope, I pictures this day for weeks and now it's going to be real. How can we get on without my amazing father, how is my mum going to cope. I just can't stop crying, every day and I know it's so raw right now but life will never be the same again. Thankfully I have a baby who gets me up each morning as well as a caring and supportive husband. I am also still on maternity leave but can't even imagine being ok to go back to work next year. This can't be real, how can he be gone how can I have watched my dad die. I am so so angry. 

 

Sorry for for the long post :(

Parents
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    Maggs, sorry to read about your Dad, you will be overwhelmed with grief at this point. My Dad died four weeks ago today, 12 days after he was told his chemo was not going to continue - both the news that his treatment was stopping and then his rapid deterioration was profoundly shocking and very traumatic for him and our family. Like your Dad , mine had lived with cancer for a long time and although we knew he would not get better we were still not prepared for how shocking the death was. The way we have got by so far is to keep family close and just try and do a couple of jobs that need doing each day , rest lots and cry when we need to. We also were with my Dad when he died and it was a good thing - this will help your mum over time. There is not right way to grieve - you will find your own way but be prepared for a long journey with it - I am still tearful every day and some days are worse than others and sometimes I am still forgetting that it really happened. So all I am trying to say is that you are at the beginning of a process. I don't believe that there is an end to grief I think you grow and change with it as you learn to live without the person you have lost. Sending you very best wishes , Lucy
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    Maggs, sorry to read about your Dad, you will be overwhelmed with grief at this point. My Dad died four weeks ago today, 12 days after he was told his chemo was not going to continue - both the news that his treatment was stopping and then his rapid deterioration was profoundly shocking and very traumatic for him and our family. Like your Dad , mine had lived with cancer for a long time and although we knew he would not get better we were still not prepared for how shocking the death was. The way we have got by so far is to keep family close and just try and do a couple of jobs that need doing each day , rest lots and cry when we need to. We also were with my Dad when he died and it was a good thing - this will help your mum over time. There is not right way to grieve - you will find your own way but be prepared for a long journey with it - I am still tearful every day and some days are worse than others and sometimes I am still forgetting that it really happened. So all I am trying to say is that you are at the beginning of a process. I don't believe that there is an end to grief I think you grow and change with it as you learn to live without the person you have lost. Sending you very best wishes , Lucy
Children
  • Offline in reply to lucyh

    Good post Lucy, my dad lasted about a similar time to your dad after the chemo was stopped, we lost him on saturday.

    Thing is my dad never did negativity, he had a brilliant attitude to everything and wherever he is watching us from I know he wants to see us get on and grab life by the horns.

    Especially for us daughters as we tend to have unique bonds with our dads don't we and they would all want us to live and enjoy our lives beyond their passing x

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