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My amazing dad died from liver cancer

Maggs
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Hi,

I am new to this group.

My dad passed away four days ago, Thursday 10th November and I can't get my head around it. It feels so unreal and I can't stop crying. My dad had lung cancer but beat it a few years ago and unfortunately got liver cancer. My dad fought for 10 years with various treatments and doing numerous trials so that he could maybe help someone else down the line with the research from the trials. My dad got told on the 13th October (not even 2 months ago) that they would stop all treatment as he was too weak now and it was doing his body more harm. My dad deteriorated quickly and had to go in to the Marie cutie hospice for a few days but the day he got to come hole my poor mum was advised he would be coming hole to die. I still can't believe I am writing this about MY dad!. He had two days at home with us before e passed which I have now been told was exactly what he wanted, to be home with his family around him. I can't get the pictures and sounds out of my head of my dad looking so fragile and on so many meds and oxygen. He mostly slept but acknowledged all of his immediate family while he was awake for brief periods. We all got to say our good byes, that I will always be grateful of. The moment he passed my mum was cleaning his face with a flannel, that was when he decided he could go. It gives me comfort knowing he chose to go with his best friend, wife and love of his life by his side. He wouldn't have wanted any of his children to have seen it. The funeral is on Wednesday and I really can't cope, I pictures this day for weeks and now it's going to be real. How can we get on without my amazing father, how is my mum going to cope. I just can't stop crying, every day and I know it's so raw right now but life will never be the same again. Thankfully I have a baby who gets me up each morning as well as a caring and supportive husband. I am also still on maternity leave but can't even imagine being ok to go back to work next year. This can't be real, how can he be gone how can I have watched my dad die. I am so so angry. 

 

Sorry for for the long post :(

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    So sorry for your loss. I lost my mum last December and like u I had a young baby plus 3 other children to get up for. Take each day a day at a time. The day my mum died the hospital told me to get everyone there. My dad was away on business 4 hrs away. They kept asking if he would b here soon. My dad walked in sat down and said u causing trouble. She squeezed his hand and her eyes fluttered and she was gone. I truly believe she waited for my dad. X

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    My dad died on Saturday night from Liver Cancer. The pain is unbearable and I don't know how we are going to carry on x

  • Offline in reply to Cuddlybunny
    I am so sorry for your loss, your story have me goosebumps as I am convinced your mum waited for your dad just like my dad with my mum. That brings me a little bit of comfort knowing he chose to go then. Hope you are ok and your children will make you laugh. X
  • Offline in reply to Katie794

    I am so sorry for your loss, I truly understand how raw and painful it is. I hope and pray for you as much as myself that the pain eases and we somehow get on with life without our special dads. Never forgotten x

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    Maggs, sorry to read about your Dad, you will be overwhelmed with grief at this point. My Dad died four weeks ago today, 12 days after he was told his chemo was not going to continue - both the news that his treatment was stopping and then his rapid deterioration was profoundly shocking and very traumatic for him and our family. Like your Dad , mine had lived with cancer for a long time and although we knew he would not get better we were still not prepared for how shocking the death was. The way we have got by so far is to keep family close and just try and do a couple of jobs that need doing each day , rest lots and cry when we need to. We also were with my Dad when he died and it was a good thing - this will help your mum over time. There is not right way to grieve - you will find your own way but be prepared for a long journey with it - I am still tearful every day and some days are worse than others and sometimes I am still forgetting that it really happened. So all I am trying to say is that you are at the beginning of a process. I don't believe that there is an end to grief I think you grow and change with it as you learn to live without the person you have lost. Sending you very best wishes , Lucy
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    maggs,  thats so so sad, your poor dad, i know, no words can console you right now, i dread the day my dad will pass, hes terminal with brain tumour, going through treatment and doing well, but the dread you had and felt and saw towards the end i know will come, they had said 2 years max, he was diagnosed feb 2016. i just had to answer your post, i just dont know, how anyone picks themselves up, after watching someone loved , die before there eyes,  i wish you all the best, and hope you can cope with the pain,  i read a poem a while ago , called only a whisper away. on another ladies post, if you can find it, its wonderfull, and i would like to think,  that it will help you ...x  sending you understanding... x cococat

  • Offline in reply to Katie794

    Katie, I am in the same boat as you sadly as my dad on saturday from cancer too! I feel so angry at the disease, his battle was mercifully very short but for us it has just left my head spinning from it all. My Dad was one of lifes great optimists though and always believed anything could be done with determination and always proved it until cancer got the better of him.

    His attitude to life has taught me well though and I want grab life by both hands and live it fully in his honour with him looking on x 

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    Hi Maggs

    I lost my dad on saturday to cancer, feels very surreal in these early stages doesn't it :-( His battle was far shorter than your dad's as he was only diagnosed in July, things suddenly went badly downhill with the second cycle of chemo, they possibly overdosed him.

    The hospital sent him home pumped up on morphine last tuesday and he remained in a peaceful state til he passed on saturday. I never saw him though, he adamantly wouldn't let me visit him over recent months, he just wouldn't allow it and would never go against him and then the deterioration happened so rapidly. I agonised about going to his deathbed but if he saw me and got distressed at my being there I would never have forgiven myself. Mum said I wouldn't have recognised him as he'd been ravaged that much in such a short time.

    My head swam with so many thoughts and worries about his wellbeing that it was starting to feel like being crushed - I still can't get out of the habit of not jumping everytime my phone rings!! Cancer takes over our lives when some special to us is ill xx

     

  • Offline in reply to lucyh

    Good post Lucy, my dad lasted about a similar time to your dad after the chemo was stopped, we lost him on saturday.

    Thing is my dad never did negativity, he had a brilliant attitude to everything and wherever he is watching us from I know he wants to see us get on and grab life by the horns.

    Especially for us daughters as we tend to have unique bonds with our dads don't we and they would all want us to live and enjoy our lives beyond their passing x

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