I've visited this forum about a year ago when my partner was due to go in for her surgery for the Ivor Lewis Operation and a few times between now and then, things had been ok and Jayne was slowly recovering, with occasional dips and a few hospital stays for vomiting and blood clots. A few months ago, they informed us both that they considered her to be clear of oesophagael cancer but 7 weeks ago she ended up back in hospital for what we thought was an easy fix for a dilatation after experiencing some more difficulties with her eating. After 3 weeks in hospital, where she was getting slowly worse rather than better, they told us the cancer had spread and it was terminal, giving her weeks to live. 10 days later she  passed away. It's all such a blur and although I was with her and saw her last breath, it still doesn't seem real. I'm still numb and think I'm still in denial. It's so strange and time feels like it's on hold. it's just such a shock, I can't quite grasp the reality of it all. I'm not sure why I have found myself doing this as I'm not one to open up to anyone but I do feel the need to do something.