Hi Sabrina and welcome to Cancer Chat.

I'm really sorry to hear about your mum's diagnosis and the tough time she has had over the last three months. I'm sure other members who have been in a similar situation themselves or with a loved one will reply soon to offer their thoughts and advice but in the meantime I just wanted to let you know that I have made our cancer nurses aware of your post and they will reply to you in the next few days. If you would like to speak to them sooner you can call them on 0808 800 4040 (which is free to call from a UK landline) Monday - Friday between 9a.m-5p.m.

Best wishes to you both, 

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hello Sabrinax and thank you for your post.

I am very sorry to hear about your mum’s situation. I wish I could give you a reply that offered you some hope that your mum could remain well and live with advanced ovarian cancer but I cannot. Unfortunately without active treatment such as chemotherapy ovarian cancer will progress. In this situation women often become more unwell and this can happen in a fairly short period of time, and for those who are close to a person it can be scary. I can understand that this is not the reply you were hoping for.

It is often hard for the families of people with advanced cancer to know what exactly is happening and to want to know how things are going to go. In some cases it can seem that healthcare professionals are not helping as the treatment they recommend such as drugs are making the person worse. Also they can get the time a person has left to live (prognosis) wrong. This can lead families to distrust and worried that the person they care about is not being looked after properly. It is hard to believe in this era when there has been so many advances in medicine that it can take some time to control the symptoms that people with advanced cancer have. It is also still not possible for doctors to predict how long someone will live for. It may help to explain this a bit further.

Symptom control such as pain particularly in someone who has several different sources of pain can take longer to control. There are different types of pain and different types of painkillers. It is often a question of trying different combinations to find the best control over time. However cancer does not stay the same and as it progresses it can spread anywhere and cause new symptoms or make existing symptoms worse. Sometimes healthcare professionals will be unsure if a person is going to be able to survive if they have an episode where they get worse. In some cases this may be related to the side effects of necessary treatment. If there is a possibility of death doctors will usually advise families so they can have time to be with their family member. In many cases a person makes a recovery, and this can happen several times when someone has advanced cancer.

When someone you care about is diagnosed with cancer it’s natural to experience many different emotions. Living with uncertainty about what the future might hold for your mum can understandably lead to feelings of upset and anxiety. I am not sure if you have discussed how you are feeling with the health care team caring for your mum. I wondered if your mum has the support of a community palliative care/ Macmillan nurse. They are very good at giving advice on the management of cancer symptoms as well as providing emotional support to the whole family. People vary in the care that they need and the Macmillan nurse can also help to co-ordinate medical and nursing help  as well as other resources if needed. The GP or specialist can make the referral to the Macmillan nurse if your mum would like access to this service.

Macmillan Cancer Support has information on their website about supporting someone else with cancer that you may find helpful.

I hope that this information is useful and that your mum and the family get the help and support that you need.

With kind regards,

Mary