Cancer Research UK main site

Regrets

Ryan3
Offline

I was with my ex partner for 3 half years when we first got together I was 23 she was 25. Awear that she had cancer but this didn't stop me from falling in love with her, I lived in the UK she lived in Germany it was a long distance relationship where I worked for a week then went back to Germany for a week for 3 half years this went on until I couldn't mentally handle seeing her being ill anymore, when I was away at work I suffered with stress & anxiety worrying about her all the time I started drinking alcohol a lot more and become depressed & turned into not a nice person really, I had nobody to talk to about my problems because non of her family spoke English nor her friends it was just me and her, I left her just after Christmas I didn't plan it I was close to having a nervous breakdown this was about 18 months ago and I've recently been told she passed away I feel so bad for failing her but I couldn't cope with seeing this disease slowly killing the love of my life it is heartbreaking I just wish I could of been stronger for her she was the love of my life and I know I'll never love anyone as much as I loved her. For anyone who been with there partners who's stuffed terminal cancer till the end I respect you it's the hardest thing in the world to be strong for a loved one. I live with this regret every day of my life but sometimes holding on causes more damage than letting go. 

  • Offline

    What a moving love story Ryan3. Thanks a lot for having the courage to share it with us. I am so sorry for your loss and it must be hard for you to be reliving the past and to get those feelings of regret that you mention.

    What happened to your girlfriend at such a young age is truly devastating and something that is difficult to forget. But as you say, holding on can cause more damage than letting go and I hope that with time you can gradually rebuild your own life and think about your future.

    I am sure some of our members will be along shortly with some words of support and comfort drawn from their own experiences.

    Best wishes,

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Offline

    Ryan 

    I'm so sorry to hear this I no sometimes it harder to walk away than hold on. 

    While your girlfriend was going through alot with her treatment and things you where also going through alot to and while what happened isnt fair it can't be changed. I'm a big believer in everything happens for a reason and while it may always not seem fair. 

    It is difficult and hard when you watch and see people going through cancer and especially when you feel you can't cope and it is necessary to walk away but sometimes it id necessary don't regret that fact you walked away you need to remember all the good times you had with her and the strength she had and the strength you had to fall in love with her at that time in her life. 

    X

  • Offline

    Hello Ryan3, sorry to hear about your story. I can understand where you come from as several years ago I separated from my husband at a time he really needed some support (his mother was ill and she later passed away while I was away), and I always felt very guity about it (I still do). We are back together and now i a trying to support him as much as I can through his illness. 

    Like Sara28 said, unfortunately what was done cannot be changed. But what I would say is don't be too hard on yourself because I can't imagine that you took the decision to leave without serious thought and you wouldn't have left if you felt you really couldn't cope with the situation. You did what you did becaue at the time you felt it was the only way for you to go and at the end of day, it probably wouldn't have been easy for your girlfriend if she had to see you struggling and not being able to cope with her illness. 

    I hope that in time you find some peace and remember her with a smile on your face rather than through regrets. 

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.