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Lost my mum and best friend. Cant cope!

Andyboy
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My mum passed away on Monday 17th 2016 which as i write this is only 3 days ago. I have been living with chronic illness since i was 14 years old. My mum has taken care of me every step of the way ever since then. She was my best friend and the greatest mum i could ever ask for. I am a recluse because of my health and hardly have any friends. No one to confide in but my dad. Im trying to be strong for him too

She was diagnosed with Myelofibrosis late last year. She was doing really well with the drugs they gave her and then just 2 weeks ago she got a bad chest infection and had to go to hospital. When they checked her over they told me and my dad that she had so many things wrong with her. Liver damage, heart damage, Pneumonia kidney damage. But we were told there was a decent chance of fixing her and getting her home. I felt like i was bein lied to. And now after a week and a half. My dear mum has died of multiple organ failure due to the blood cancer. we visited her every day and sat with her for hours. stroking her hair and singing to her. for the last 4 or 5 days she couldnt even speak.

Her decline just happened so fast. And i had so mutch hope that she could get better and come home. She was everything to me! She did everything to help me with my poor health and battle with alcohol. I have lived with my mum all my life and dont think i can live without her. Every time i close my eyes i see her face as she took those last few gasps of air, the sound of her voice. The smell of her beautiful skin and hair. Her smile. Her tears, every time we luaghed, every time we fought, I never took enough pictures. I just dont think i can bare this pain any more.

We were told we would have at least another 5 years with her and we got less than 1. She was too young to die.

The funeral will have to be organised and we are off to do that tommorrow.

These waves of pain are so intense i dont even know how i have managed to write this post.

Not really that sure why im writing this. Maybe it will make things better or not. All i know is im lost.

Andy x

 

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    Dear Andy, I am so sorry to hear about your mum,  she was obviously a very important part of your life, she sounds like an amazing woman who battled to ensure that you remained strong.  Losing someone so important is not easy, no words can really help, share your memories if you can, with your father it is more likely to help as he is probably trying to stay strong for you too.  I believe in sharing that persons feelings and if that means you both break down in tears, sometimes it may be what you need to do.  My best wishes to you and your family. 

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    Reading your post is like reading my thoughts a month ago. My mum passed away from ovarian cancer and we were also told we could have five years then it changed very quickly and in a matter of weeks she was gone. My mum was my best friend also and has been my main source of support throughout my life, I miss her soo much everyday. People say it will get easier with time and it may do, but it is always going to hurt so much. I constantly think about things she is going to miss in my life, my siblings and dads. Always talk to someone if you are finding it hard or find a let out, I often cry in my car. Take everyday as it comes. Remember to take care of yourself and if you ever need to chat you are welcome to give me a message. Love to you and your family at this horrid time. Jessica.
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    Dear Andy,

    It is very early days yet, and of course you are missing your lovely mum so much, but remember that love that you had for your mum is still there that golden thread that joins you together with love will never be broken.  I lost my mum three years ago, but she was very old, but saying that I still missed her so very very much as I was always with her, like a couple of good friends (which we were).  I found after a time although I still missed her (and still do), I could remember and laugh about the good times we spent together.  I know at the moment things seem very very bleak and sad for you, but just remember grief is not for ever, but love is.  Andy I know you have your Dad, and it must be extremely difficult for him also at this time, but I am sure you will both support one another.  You say you are a recluse because of poor health, I do not know how old you are, but that is not healthy for you.  Perhaps later on you could discuss ways with your Dad how you can perhaps get in some local clubs or activitiies.  When we watch the Paralympics we see people who against a lot of adversity manage to lead full active lives.  I am not saying that you feel up to doing anything at the moment, of course not, but perhaps in time.  I am sure once you start to mix and make friends things will start to change for you. 

    Your Mum sounded a wonderful person.a lot of people would love to have a mum like you had, treasure those lovely memories, and make sure when you arrange the funeral that you have one of your mums favourite songs played.  My thought and prayers are with you at this very sad time.

     

     

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    Hi Andy, Sorry about your mum. I lost Mum to cancer a year ago. The pain becomes less. But miss her. I spent 3 years looking after mum and lived much of the time with mum and dad. Dad died ten years ago. So been lonely. I 've not many friends , but I have cousins who a big help. And dad's family. But is still hard. Message me if you like. Sorry about your mum , as my mum they didn't tell me if she was dying and she went so quick. All best to all
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    Hi Andy so sorry to hear about your mum. It is obviously the most painful thing for you. Hopefully you and your dad will be able to support and help each other during this terrible time, I am so pleased you have him to talk to. You will always look back at the lovely times you had and enjoy their memories, you will always have that. At the moment you are lost and hurting, but it will get better, you will have to be patient, but it will I promise. I have been through something similar, although right now I am sure you don't believe me. When you feel stronger try and get out and about, make yourself walk if nothing else, exercise can help with low mood - I know this for a fact. Your mum would not want you to be unhappy, in fact she would hate the thought of it. So as a tribute to her and to the wonderful life you shared together try and move forward with your life, this is what she would have wanted so try and do it... if not for you then for her. I am sure you have so much going for you but maybe you have lost confidence over the years. Speak to your dad and try and make new resolutions, try to make positive steps to change your life for the better. I am sure you can, you just need a bit of encouragement. There are counsellors who can help you with all this, so ask for help if you need it. You seem to be a lovely young man who has had to the most terrible thing happen, but I am sure you will find a way through. Thinking of you... message me if you want... Gill

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    Andy, please know you will be able to cope.  i have just been through the loss of the most amazing man to me...my father.  I too sounded like you..like i felt like i could not cope...the feelings are unimaginable intil you go through it.  But please take it from someone who has  been there...the hurt lessens.  There are now days that i can smile at something or have a beautiful memory of Dad and i smile.  I pray everynight for help and strength and i have been receiving Gods grace in helping me put one foot infront of the other.  My faith is very strong and i know i will see and be with my mom and dad some day and that they are all around me, everyday!  God bless.

     

    Pam

  • Offline in reply to pam46
    Hey its me. I just want to thank everyone who posted replies to my orignal post on the 20th of October. Your words are all very helpfull and compassionate. I want to try and be strong for my mum and to get my life sorted out for her. Every day i wake up is another day without my mum. Iv stopped crying all the time but the pain isnt any less. Im currently on esa and dont work so the days go by really slowly. I sleep alot which isnt really a good thing. Still all feels like one big nightmare. I was surprised to see so many people respond to my OP. You are all very caring and good people to take the time to ease the suffering of others. Thank you all for being here for me. x Andy

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