Hi tish1576 I'm sorry for you loss it's so hard losing someone to cancer everyone feels and copes different. It's easy for anyone to tell you why you feeling the way you do if they haven been situation like you then they don't know what they talking about. There loads information on this site and there phone numbers as well if you just need to talk to someone.it do help being on here because there different people who been in silmer situation as you so don't feel alone.it do help to write down just how you feel or been though there always someone on here will answer or if just want chat. Take care. 

Hi, are you able to access any counselling near you - we have several different places that we use such as a hospice, Beechwood cancer care or a Maggie's centre. They all offer support in a different way - if you feel that talking to those around you isn't going to help, what do you think of these other options? Grief is hard & it sounds as if you were close - try not to be to hard on yourself. But I do say to my friends - don't put me up there on that pedestal - I'll be lonely & I'll struggle on my own - it's bring a smile but ask makes them stop & think x

Really sorry for your lost...

For me, everytime I feel disappointed, confuse, angry, depress, directionless, i run... i run like that Forrest Gump guy... run without thinking anything... run til i get so exhausted I pretty much crawled way back home. It helps me lose up all those energies and feelings. Helps me in my introspection.

I also have this philosophy about life as being a journey. Someone we know and loved will finished their journey earlier than we are, and those who are left behind will still have to find out where their own journey will take them.

In the end will all return back home, back to where we all truly belongs.