Hi, I'm really sorry to read about your husband. My dad had terminal lung cancer that had spread to his liver, adrenal glands, lymph nodes... He was 64 and married to my mum for over 40 years. It's not been long since your husband died and you will always have these images in your mind but in time you will have to go looking for them rather than being at the forefront like they currently are. It will be a year this month since we lost my dad and he didn't pass peacefully either. He suffered a bilateral pulmonary embolism and died in my arms collapsed in the bathroom. Despite my best efforts giving him CPR and the ambulance crews working on him for 30 minutes nothing could be done. There's a time when you find some peace that they did pass at home rather than a hospital bed unnoticed. My dad also passed just 3 days after diagnosis. When people die from cancer, not that many are peaceful unfortunately. The peaceful passings seems to be those that have had to endure a long battle with cancer and are in hospital on lots of meds. I wouldn't of wanted to see my dad suffering for a long period, it was hard enough in those days of knowing. At some point on your journey of grief you will start to focus on the nan he was and the life you shared together. When my dad first passed away all I could see was the thin poorly man he had become, then in time the man he was before came back. It takes a long time to process all that has happened. 

Take care of yourself x

Hi, I'm really sorry to read about your husband. My dad had terminal lung cancer that had spread to his liver, adrenal glands, lymph nodes... He was 64 and married to my mum for over 40 years. It's not been long since your husband died and you will always have these images in your mind but in time you will have to go looking for them rather than being at the forefront like they currently are. It will be a year this month since we lost my dad and he didn't pass peacefully either. He suffered a bilateral pulmonary embolism and died in my arms collapsed in the bathroom. Despite my best efforts giving him CPR and the ambulance crews working on him for 30 minutes nothing could be done. There's a time when you find some peace that they did pass at home rather than a hospital bed unnoticed. My dad also passed just 3 days after diagnosis. When people die from cancer, not that many are peaceful unfortunately. The peaceful passings seems to be those that have had to endure a long battle with cancer and are in hospital on lots of meds. I wouldn't of wanted to see my dad suffering for a long period, it was hard enough in those days of knowing. At some point on your journey of grief you will start to focus on the nan he was and the life you shared together. When my dad first passed away all I could see was the thin poorly man he had become, then in time the man he was before came back. It takes a long time to process all that has happened. 

Take care of yourself x