I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your wonderful husband, will we ever come to terms with it ? I doubt very much. My husband passed in March this year. He was 61, fit and hardworking, didnt smoke or drink and ate a healthy diet so anyone can get this awful disease. Last October he became unsteaady and fell a couple of times , i took him to see the Doctor who did the routine blood, blood pressure etc but Pete got worse day by day until i asked fora referral to a neurosurgeon in November-our world fell apart as he told us straight away that it was classic symptons of a brain tumour. The two large tumours turned out to be secondary and he was diagnosed with cancerof the oesophagus late stage with secondary brain tumours. We were told it was terminal and he had little time left. He tried so hard to be brave but it was devastating, although he received some whole brain radiotherapy it was only to try and reduce the sizes of the tumours but this didnt work and aged him 20 years overnight. He could not walk withut falling and only ate soup. We were offered palliative care but Pete just wanted to be at home so that our family could come round to see him, To be honest the nureses weekly to discuss his medication but then the final two weeks he couldnt eat or drink and I knew he was dying. The last two days he became anxious and even though they put a morphine driver in his arm he was still upset and uncomfotyable- he had been bedridden for 2 weeks. We called the nurses out on Sunday evening and they said theyd call back during the night but he began to slowly  haemorrage through his nose and mouth , he passed a few hours later with myself and our lovely daughters by his side, but it was not peacefully and this will always haunt me- I feel so sad for him and will miss him for the rest of my life but we were so lucky to have known such brave and wonderful men x

Hello 

Im so sorry to hear of the loss of your husband

I  too understand of what you are going through..

We buried my dad yesterday , he died 17th september.my dad had mesothlioma..which had spread to his brain .he was fit and well until july this year..

We really struggled with how ill my  dad had got in those last 3 weeks of his life. He was in hospital for 2 weeks and he was treated appallingly..left dirty ..he was shouted at by a nurse for having an accident ..because he couldnt walk to toilet .it really was awful ..we were desperate for him to come home but no one would help us get him there ..thats where he wanted to die .

He came home finally on the 14 th september .couldnt have a bed with cot sides ..he wasnt ill enough they said !! He had no carers ..no district nurses nothing ..they sent liquid morphine in a carrier bag for us to give him ..alongside 15 other types of tablets ..i was petrified i was giving him the wrong things ..never slept a wink that night i was so frightened .next day his own gp came to visit dad and he was disgusted that we had had no help ..at this point my dad was really bad .His doctor was amazing..at dads request he went into a palliative care unit in a place near us ..and this is where dad passed away peacefully 36 hrs later ..he had better care in those 36 hrs than the whole time he was in hospital .i know for a fact had dad not gone there ..and stayed at home ..having to cope on our own with no help from nurses etc .i would have been traumatised because i didnt know what i was doing my mum was in bits anyway ..he hadnt even been given the right pain patches so he was in a lot of pain towards the end .

.no one would take responsibilty for dads care .im just glad dads gp stepped in to help us. My mum is devastated as you can imagine at the loss of my dad ..but if he had passed away at home and the circumstances as they were she would never ever forgive herself ..because we felt we would have failed dad .

We have comfort that he passed peacefully ..in  no pain..

I hope the counselling helps and you can finally grieve for your husband ..its devastating enough that you have lost your husband without the traumatic  way he passed away ..its like those last memories together have been taken from you because its not how you both wanted it to be. X

Take care x hugs to you and your family x

Sarah

Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post your kind words are appreciated.

We certainly were couldn't have been prouder of Allen as I am sure you were of your husband.

I am sorry you had such traumatic experience and understand when you say it will always haunt you - I know no death is pleasant but if they had died peacefully and the respect they deserved am sure it woul have been more of a comfort.  Thank you for taking the time to reply x

Hi, I'm really sorry to read about your husband. My dad had terminal lung cancer that had spread to his liver, adrenal glands, lymph nodes... He was 64 and married to my mum for over 40 years. It's not been long since your husband died and you will always have these images in your mind but in time you will have to go looking for them rather than being at the forefront like they currently are. It will be a year this month since we lost my dad and he didn't pass peacefully either. He suffered a bilateral pulmonary embolism and died in my arms collapsed in the bathroom. Despite my best efforts giving him CPR and the ambulance crews working on him for 30 minutes nothing could be done. There's a time when you find some peace that they did pass at home rather than a hospital bed unnoticed. My dad also passed just 3 days after diagnosis. When people die from cancer, not that many are peaceful unfortunately. The peaceful passings seems to be those that have had to endure a long battle with cancer and are in hospital on lots of meds. I wouldn't of wanted to see my dad suffering for a long period, it was hard enough in those days of knowing. At some point on your journey of grief you will start to focus on the nan he was and the life you shared together. When my dad first passed away all I could see was the thin poorly man he had become, then in time the man he was before came back. It takes a long time to process all that has happened. 

Take care of yourself x