My lovely mommy passed away 2 months ago..

My lovely mommy passed away and I just can't cope with that.. She passed away on 17th of July in age (55) i'm 19 years old.. She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer on      24th of March and had a surgery on 14 of April.. They said she has one year left.. she lived only 3 months after diagnosis.. everything happened very fast.. I am living in Northern Ireland for 3 years.. I'm from Slovakia.. I came here to study and live with my lovely sister (I love her so much) we are so close to eachother.. my mommy she was so happy that I will have better future here.. I'm studying since I came here.. we were in contact almost everyday.. I always felt bad that I left her and my daddy.. I missed her so much all the time.. they were coming here for christmas and we were very happy family.. When she called us one day that they found her a tumor on Pancreas it was a big shock and everything started.. we came to slovakia helped her with everything after surgery.. We thought she will stay here with us for a long time after we knew she's going to pass away.. we bring my mommy and daddy here to Northern Ireland my mom she used to love that place.. She passed away at home in peace and we hold her hand until her last breath.. it was very hard to see her like that.. I have so much pain in my heart and I already know it will never get better because she was the best mommy ever..I will just need to prepare that my children will grow up without their lovely grandmother.. Before when she took her last breath she was looking at me and crying.. I promised her mommy I will try to be good mother as you were.. 

  • Lussynka, sweetheart, I am sorry for your loss and your pain.

    I lost my Mum in August, she was 62, and had 3 types of Cancer.

    It was just 3 weeks from falling ill, to passing away.

     

    I have a small family, and I was very close to Mum, so I understand your pain completely.

     

    It's horrible, every day life is normal... yet everything is so different.

    I was holding my Mums hand when she died, she knew I wwas with her, like your Mum knows you were there to.

    Your Mum wouldnt want  you to feel sad, she would want you live your life, to do all the things you want to do.

    I'm sure she was very proud of you.

    Of course there is nothing anybody can say to take the pain away, and I don't know about you, but I feel so much guilt, over things I shouldn't feel guilty about.

     

    Any way take care, and if you ewant a chat, feel free to message me.  xx 

  • DevonMarc, I love people like you.. I know i'm not in this world alone who needs to get through the hardest time like this... it's seriously the worst pain and when you loved your mother more than your life that's even worse.. our mums are proud of us there in the heaven ️ I know they're looking after us.. but the worst is that we can't talk to them or touch them.. I am having a dreams with my mum it feels like it's real.. Now we have nothing else just memories and nobody will never take them away from us.. 

    Have a good day and Take care 

  • Hi Lussynka,

    Yes you're right of course, we aren't the only people feeling this pain, but it feels like we are.

    I find myself talking to Mum, getting her cup when I make myself a cuppa...  old habbits die hard.

    I find the hardest time is in the evenings, when I finish work, and I'm home alone.

    I looked after Mum for a while, and she stayed with me for around 6 months before she passed.  It's very hard.

     

    It must be even harder for you, being so far from family and friends?

    How are you coping?