Hi there, welcome to the forum, but so sorry you lost your Mom recently to cancer. I can hear the pain in your writing and I know you're really struggling with this loss. I'm assuming that this is the first death of a close member of your family that you have experienced. When my Dad died from cancer I went through a similar experience of thinking afterward that perhaps he would have wanted to discuss his impending death with someone. I would have been the logical person to talk to since I was the one who took him to all of his treatments and spent more time with him, other than my Mom. My Mom had to work and she was so thankful that I was able to care for him while she was at work. I was much younger back then and this was the first person close to me who died with cancer. Also, back then very little was known about cancer and for sure, no one talked about it at all. (That was in the 70's.) Like you, I was angry that my Dad had been put though the treatments when I believe they knew he couldn't get better.

Its' still quite recent that your Mom has died and you really haven't had enough time to grieve her loss. Go easy on yourself and allow time to grieve for your Mom. Her death will always leave you with a sense of loss, but the intense pain from that will ease up with time. You will eventually be able to move on with your life, but of course the memories of your Mom will always be there with you. If you find as time goes on that you're still not sleeping well and you feel that you may need some help with this, you should really discuss your feeling with your doctor. Sometimes we may need a little extra help with a loss of this nature. Don't feel there's something wrong with you because you're not "getting over" the loss of your Mom. Grieving the loss of a loved one who was such a major presence in your life is hard work and there is no set time to do this.

Take care of yourself and sending you a big hug.

Lorraine