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Could I have helped her?

Kp_sp
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In June 2015 my mum was diagnosed with bone cancer and secondary small cell lung cancer. In December it spread to her brain and this year in January she lost her battle. 

 

I'm feeling intense guilt with the way my mum died. All through her treatment I cared for her...making appointments, sorting medication, etc. I went round daily due to her struggling to walk far.on Dec 17th when I went to visit her she seemed a bit spaced and not quite herself. I phoned the Dr Who came out and said it was probably just the start of a cold. I wasn't convinced but thought doctor knows best. Two days later she seemed worse and was complaining of headaches. I phoned another Dr out who said it was her sinuses. By this point I was quite worried but trusted the Dr. On the 22nd I went round and found her fast asleep and vomiting. I called another Dr out who had her rushed straight to hospital. This is when they found the tumour in her brain. By this point there was a lot of swelling that caused slight brain damage which changed her personality and memory making her very irritable and sometimes aggressive which wasn't mum at all.

I wish I had trusted my instincts and took her to hospital the minute I suspected there was something wrong. I know I couldn't have saved her life. But maybe had she got to hospital sooner the brain damage could have been prevented and she could have died as her self and not what she became due to the brain damage. 

Could I have help her? 

Sorry for the long post and thank you in advance 

 

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    HI

    I felt like this after mum died. You do feel sometimes you could have done more. It play on my mind a lot.

    With my dad Iwas the same, but like mum said' he had cancer'. His cancer spread to his head.

    It's a hard road , maybe see help from a doctor.

    Sameboat

     

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    Hi, firstly I'm really sorry for your loss. I lost my dad on 24th July. He was having chemo for oesophageal cancer which we had been told although not curable ( he wasn't strong enough for the brutal surgery to remove the tumour as he also had Parkinson's) He could have a few good months left with us. However he went rapidly downhill after the second infusion of chemo. He went yellow, had a raging temperature, confusion, We were concerned it was neutropenic sepsis as he'd been warned he was at risk of this during chemo. However after the ambulance had taken him to a and e following a seizure, his partner repeatedly showed the staff his medical card clearly stating that the symptoms he was showing were that of sepsis. They disregarded this every time and said it was possibly a water infection. My dad died 24 hours later after aspirating...and on his death certificate following the post mortem? Pneumonic aspiration and neutropenic sepsis. Despite the fact this had been dismissed by many different doctors.  

    I guess what I'm trying to say is, we are the untrained ones, we have little choice in these circumstances but to trust what the medically trained ones tell us. Whether or not there were any actions any of us could have take we will never know, as sadly the outcome can never be changed. So all we can do is try our best to not let the guilt eat away at us...it's not your fault,it sounds like you had done everything you could to look after your mum right up until she passed away..And that's certainly nothing to feel guilty about. Focus on what you did do for her and not on what may or may not have happened if you had acted differently, like I said, sadly it won't change anything and will just stop you moving forward in your life, and our parents would never want that for us. 

    Hope this ramble makes sense. Lots of love xxx

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