On 11th December 2015 my husband, John, then aged 56 was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer. They told him he was stage 3 being limited to his right lung and right lung lymph node, it was inoperable but it was curable. He was a fit and otherwise healthy man so just before Christmas they started the first of 4 cycles of chemotherapy followed in the New Year by 15 sessions of radiotherapy on his lung and then in April he had 10 sessions of brain radiotherapy as a precaution.
As expected the chemo and radiotherapy made him very unwell with a couple of spells in hospital but in May 2016, we were given a very positive review 'an excellent partial response' that his cancer had very dramatically reduced to almost nothing and they were very hopeful that what was left that they could see would be scar tissue.
Absolutely elated we took a one week restful holiday in Portugal at the end of May and were looking forward to the future.
It wasn't long though before John began feeling unwell again though; pain in his abdomen, aching joints, numbness in his chin and very tired. We made several visits to our GP and were referred a couple of times to A&E however John was given blood tests and his obs were recorded but each time he was discharged and the symptoms put down to the after effects of the chemotherapy.
On the 2nd July, John felt so ill that he decided he needed to go to hospital and he was admitted with suspected pancreatitis. They treated him, gave him scans and then on the 7th and 8th July we were given the terrible news that his lung cancer had spread to his pancreas and liver and that he had months to live.
He told them to discharge him and he came home on Friday 8th July. We had the Saturday, Sunday and Monday together, 3 lovely days but on Tuesday 12th July he had a funny turn, we called out the paramedics, but John refused to go back into hospital. Wednesday morning our GP came round and he finally agreed to be admitted.
His remaining time was then reduced to weeks and quickly to days and on Sunday 17th July my darling husband passed away aged just 57, I am absolutely lost, I can't accept he is gone, I can't face life in the future and just go into a blind panic at the thought of life alone without John. I can not get my head around it at all.
2 weeks prior to John's death, I lost my dad as well 5 days and nights spent sleeping in a hospital chair while he was on end of life care.
I am grieving for both of them.
