I lost my dad on Friday

My dad died on Friday.He died four days after my 26th Birthday.It doesn't feel real,I still feel as though he will just walk in through the door.He hid how sick he was from my mum and me for a long time.He has always protected me as I'm his only child.He came out of hospital 3 weeks ago,the nurses told us it would probably be weeks before he passed. He seemed like he had improved then after the first week a Macmillian nurse told us to give him 8 sachets of laxido,which I think was a lot, he hadnt been the toilet in a week or so.This caused him to get very weak and resulted in him not being able to keep anything in that he ate.He then developed a chest infection ontop of this and pressure sores.Over the second week he went up and down, my mum cleaned and changed him because he wouldn't let the carers.We cared for him 24/7 and last Thursday the district nurses told us things were changing quickly for my dad.I sat by his bed at home most of the day just holding his hand.My mum and me were determined to stay up with him all night and be there with him.Exhaustion gave way and we went to bed around 4am.The following morning at 8.30 my mum was screaming,I ran downstairs to find my dad had gone in his sleep.He had been there for a few hours judging by how stiff he was.I have never been in so much pain,we screamed and cried and finally gave in and called the Doctor who confirmed he had passed.My dad turned into a shell of himself, he lost so much weight,lost control of his body completely and was in pain.He became someone I didnt recognise and it broke my heart seeing such an independant and strong man change so rapidly.I don't know how to deal with my emotions, I'm angry with people for still having there dads and I feel guilt that I wasn't by his bed when he passed and then there is just the empty numb feeling.

 

 

  • Hi Susan, 

    On behalf of the Cancer Chat team I just wanted to offer our condolences to you and your family on the passing of your father.

    I'm so sorry for the way you found out your dad had passed. I can't imagine how tough and painful that must have been for you but I'm glad your mum was there so you could support and console one another at that very difficult time. 

    It's understandable to have so many thoughts running through your mind right now as it is a natural part of the the grieving process. Also, there is no right or wrong way to manage your emotions as everyone is different and many of our members will know what you're going through right now having been through similar situations with their loved ones and I'm sure they will post soon to offer their support and advice.

    Any time you need to talk remember we are here for you.

    Kind Regards, 

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Hi 

    I am so truly sorry to hear your lovely dad has passed away.  In truth there is nothing I can say to take away your pain,  other than I am sending you a strong virtual hug to You and your mum xx when you need to talk the forum is always here xx

  • Hi, sorry to hear of your dad passing. The exact same thing happened to me on the 28th of June, shortly after my 22nd birthday. Awful feeling and I know exactly what your going through! 

    I have sent you a private message if you want a chat?

  • Hi Susan,

    firstly let me offer my condolences to you, I know exactly what you are going through as I lost my father just over 3 weeks ago. You're right in saying its a numb feeling and that you expect them to walk back through that door at any moment.

     

    As Mod-Steph and many others will tell you, there is no right or wrong way to grieve l, but take comfort in those who surround you and support you. It truly means the world.

    if ever you need a chat, I'm just a click away.

  • Hi,

    I can't see any messages but yes I would like to x

  • Hi Susan, 

    I have found an area on the forum which explains how to use the forum and how private messaging works. You can click here to find out more.

    I hope this helps and you are able to find and reply to Monkeyboy's message soon.

    All the best, 

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • First off I would like to offer my condolences and let you know your not alone and I understand and can completely relate to everything your going through. I lost my father three weeks ago to multiple myeloma, and I still can't believe he is gone. We brought him home on June 9th and he passed away on June 15th. I also helped my mom care for him and stayed up with him throughout the night. My biggest regret was that I was asleep the night he passed and wasn't there to hold his hand. I'm new to this site but I came across your post last night and I just felt that I should respond and let you your not alone and my prayers are with you.
  • Susan90, 

    I am so sorry to hear about your father. I know there's nothing i can really say that will help in this situation. If you ever need to talk, I am always here. 

  • Hi Susan90,

    My condolences regarding your Father.  No doubt things are very surreal for you at the moment and people saying sorry feels a very hollow sentiment as all you want is your Dad back. My Father passed on the 30th of June to Stage 4 lung cancer, he barely lasted 2 months after he was diagnosed.  

    I feel envious, jealous perhaps when I see other people with their parents. I feel cheated out of time, my Dad was a good person he wouldn't hurt a fly, he didn't deserve his fate.  Personally I dont think it's something we're ever supposed to get over, just something we hopefully learn to live with over time.

    I find the best thing to do (for me at least) is to keep busy, keep distracted so the mind doesn't dwell on things.  I'm sure our parents wouldn't want us to spiral into depression, and if i'm honest it's only that thought that's getting me out of bed in the morning.  Keep strong, be there for your mum as she will be for you, and take things 1 day at time.

  • Hi Susan90. I am so sorry about the loss of your lovely Dad. I can remember messaging you when you first came on the site and my Dad was suffering too, unfortunately we lost him on 1st July, just three months after diagnosis and this is the first time I have been on here in a while.

    Our Dads 'journeys' sound similar, although they had different cancers, my Dad also became a shell of himself, lost weight, got pressure sores, became unable to communicate and lost his dignity too, plus we also missed his death. He spent the last month of his life in hospital and they called us to say he had taken a turn for the worse but by the time we got there he was gone. I will never forget seeing him laying there and kissing him goodbye, it was awful and I too have guilt that I wasn't there holding his hand but I guess there is no point torturing ourselves about it now. I really hope you are ok and that you and you Mum are helping each other through. I have shut myself away from the world but I have got a lovely partner who is helping me cope. I am so sorry you have lost your Dad so young I know what you mean about being angry with others who still have their Dads, it seems so unfair that ours have gone. It's such a tough time for all of us who have lost a parent, big hugs to you xx