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I can't cope

JackiW
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hi everyone

i posted about losing my beloved husband after being married for only 5 weeks. I need someone to talk too but nobody seems to want to talk to me. I was told by a friend that works at CRUK that joining this forum I would find others that could help by talking to me . I feel alone, lost and completely empty.:cry:  He's been gone just over 7 weeks now, every day i cry , i can't make any sense of it, he was healthy until september 2015. Diagnosed with lymph node cancer for which they had no cure on 1st feb 2016 , i lost him on 19th May . My world came crashing down . I wasn't ready for him to go . he went quickly within 24 hours. I was with him holding his hand. we were together for almost 2 years and as i said married for 5 weeks. Every day is getting worse. I need to know how to cope .

  • Offline in reply to JackiW
    Hi Jacki, glad you found my post helpful. It is my birthday tomorrow and I am going out with my daughter to the athletics anniversary in London. It will be strange first birthday without hubby but I am determined to enjoy it. Certainly go back to your doctor for help. I had to take anti depressants in a very low dosage but it just took the edge off the rawness of it all and helped me to cope. Maybe don't do the things that upset you, especially when aided by alcohol that is not a lasting coping mechanism. Be positive, sorry don't mean to lecture you we are all different I know but you can do this, honestly. Love to you. X
  • Offline in reply to Dorothy1946

    Hi Dorothy

    Have a lovely birthday , it's what your husband would want.. Don't worry about lecturing me , I didn't take it that way at all. My friend said she's going to take me out on my birthday , my choice she said anything I want to do or go is fine. I'd rather stay in , but I know my Jez would want me to celebrate . I'm on anti-depressants  and mild sedatatives to help me sleep , they don't do much, I never take them if I have a drink. .. doing the karaoke makes me happy  and sad at the same time . Your support is great, thankyou.

    love and hugs X

  • Offline in reply to JackiW
    Hi Jacqui, I had a lovely day out at anniversary games with my daughter. Had nice meal in evening too. I felt Derek, my husband, was with me too. I would go back to your doctor if I were you. Maybe you need to change your meds. They certainly helped me, I was in bits when Derek was diagnosed. They took about month to really kick in but I took them everyday even when having a glass wine ;) hope I can help in some way texting. Take care, Big hug, x
  • Offline in reply to Dorothy1946

    hi Dorothy

    I'm so glad you had a good day out, and that your Derek was with you. Your messages help a lot. I'm not having a very good day today , but yesterday i had a fun day with my friend , we had a dance to some music and we watched tv together. I like to think my Jez was here laughing with us when we wtched Mrs Browns Boys , he loved watching that programme. I'm going to ask the doctor when i see him this week, about different meds.

    love and hugs Jacki xx

  • Offline in reply to JackiW

    Hi Jacki, hope you are feeling bit better today. It is a bit like that, up and down and good days and bad days but hang in there. I am pleased you are going back to Dr. I was fortunate the first tab, sertraline, they put me on worked and made a huge difference. That and like I mentioned I have a strong Christian faith and know the peace of God in my life. That doesn't mean I don't miss Derek I do and shed a tear most days but ultimately I am in control. I surprise myself with things I manage to do on my own, like driving to my daughters around M25 etc, Derek always did the driving so it was a challenge.

    You take care.

    Hugs, x

  • Offline in reply to Dorothy1946

    Hi Dorothy

    I had a really dreadful night , I was stillawake at 8:30 am , then slept for four hours, but I've been crying all day.  I don't drive and have to sell Jezs car, I don't want anyone else to drive it , Jez loved his car, he said it was his mid-life crisis , a silver convertible !!. I was toying with the idea of maybe learning to drive , but I'll be 59 next week and I think i may be past learning something new.  I'm really undecided . Seeing the doctor tomorrow lunch time , hopefully he can help.

    hugs xxx

  • Offline

    Jacki. My heart goes out to you. Sometimes life is cruel and the world around us loses its colour. I can't comprehend what you must be going through. All I can say is as I'm sure you know is that your husband would want you to be happy and live life to the full. Times will be difficult and the pain will be there but  that feeling will subside and the colour will return.  Hold strong! Don't be afraid to reach to your friends and family. Thinking of you. Claire X

  • Offline in reply to JackiW

    Hi Jacki,  sorry you had a bad night hope last night was better.  You have some diff decisions to make regarding the car etc.  Derek and I loved caravanning and had bought a new caravan just before he was diagnosed. Sadly we only used it a couple of times and I am not sure now what to do. I can drive but have never towed a caravan and I would find it difficult to go on my own anyway.  I get upset seeing all the other couples out with their caravan. You make sure your doctor offers you different medication today. I will be thinking and praying for you.

    Hugs. X

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