Syliva, I am so very sorry for your loss, I know how it feels, my husband passed away in October and I miss him so much, I too wish they could let us know they are ok.  There are lots of people on here going through the same terrible time who will offer support.  Sending love to you Debbie xxxxxx

Hi Debbie, how are you?  hope your ok , not been to good these last couple of days you seem to be ok ,then you seem to  take  steps back again. Went to a memorial service at the crem where my husbands service was every one that was there has lost a loved one in the last 12 month, it was very moving and sad at the same time . take care Syl x

Hi Debbie

Just wanted to send you virtual hugs today.  Whilst I know you think about Sam every day, today will come with poignant memories and I am keeping you in my thoughts. Be kind to yourself. Jules xx

Hi Syl,

Hope you had a good evening meeting up with friends.  It is lovely to have a chatty session rather than spending time alone. I must admit I would go stir crazy if I did not go out for a few hours every day and am not looking forward to the clocks going back tonight as I have been going for short walks after my dinner to help with my fitness.  I will see how I feel doing them in the dark as they are only around my local streets but would be nice if I had someone to walk with I suppose.

Spent an hour or two yesterday tidying, cleaning and filling the bird feeding stations and having been to the London Wetland Centre in the week I treated myself to a window feeder which I have now attached to my patio doors.  I thought it would take ages for feathered visitors to try it out but already the robin and blue *** have popped on it.  It comes with a 'roof' so the larger birds do not get a chance to land.

I spent a few hours with my daughter and grandsons yesterday and as it was the last day of half term for the eldest one, we treated ourselves to a lovely lunch at the local Harvester as well as taking them to the park and hunting for pine cones (plenty to be had) so they can make decorations/table centre piece.

Once my mail is answered I plan on going shopping (not exactly exciting but necessary!) and need to stock up on soft drinks, wine and nibbles as having a Body Shop at home party on Wednesday. Think I will treat myself to a colourful plant to brighten up indoors as my orchids are now starting to fade and the weather is pretty drab though mild today.

I really doubt that your could ever be a burden in the eyes of your children so hope you can share your thoughts with them though the bereavement number is a handy standby to have. Take care. Jules xx

Jules, thank you so much for caring and remembering, so very kind of you. I went to the cemetery with family and friends and then went for a coffee and we all shared memories of Sam, it was emotional but lovely to talk about him.  I miss him so very much as I know you too miss your hubby I wish things could have been different for all of us. although the future still looks bleak I will try to move forward and make Sam proud.  love and thanks Debbie xxxxx 

Hi jules, I had a nice night with my friends  i wòrked with them for over 20 years its nice to catch up  with them,  we met up in one of the houses we had nibbles and a glass of wine we also talked about  wills , funerals , and  where we  wont to be buried ,and where we met our hubbys  3 of us are widows. but it was all done  light hearted and  with a laugh i didnt get home till 11 o clock. have seen the wetlands on TV they look really good,im assuming you live not far from there , my Brother in law  lives in Wokingham. George is back from his holiday he enjoyed running on the beach and going in the sea, i can start taking him out again now   went  to my daughters for dinner sunday  it was lovely  she dosnt take after me for cooking my mother  in  law  was a good cook must take after her. speak to you soon regards Syl x

Hi Syl

I do enjoy catching up with friends especially now the evenings are drawing in so early.  My two work shifts were extremely busy this week and the Christmas shoppers out in force . I went to a Halloween craft market on Monday night, held a Body shop party at home on Wednesday and then helped my daughter at the mum and toddler group's  Christmas shopping fundraiser  last night. Today just popped to the gym and then did housework before finally putting the fire on for a coffee break. Am seeing friends on Sunday but will  go walking tomorrow once the food shop is done.

Hope you have a pleasant weekend. No doubt more fireworks to listen to. Been quite a few already around here but I do not plan going to the local display this year. My hubby used to love these nights but I am not the greatest fan. Take care. Jules

Hi Jules,how did your party go there are some lovely things in the Body Shop but they are dear ,i go in  some times  , im not to bothered about xmas this year  having a quite dinner at my sons just the three of us ny health not to good at the moment having a CT scan Friday im quite worried as my hubby had lung cancer and my symptoms are the same  as his was  also in hospital wednesday to have fluid drained from my ear my hubby was a  lovely opptomist im just the opposite sorry to dump my woes on you have a nice week end  im out with my sister for a few hours tomorrow take care Syl x

Hi Syl

So sorry to read of your continuing health problems which I can understand must be very distressing for you and the waiting for appointments/scans and results is such an anxious period. Never any need to apologise for sharing your feelings.  This forum provides a safe haven for so many and I still use my own thread to offload on those dark days that I feel the need for extra support.  Sometimes it just feels easier to speak freely here rather than worry your nearest and dearest. Of course, when our hubbys were with us there was mutual support close by and I have to admit to feeling more vulnerable at certain times.  Doubt that will  change easily but being able to chat on forum has helped.

My Body Shop evening was a very pleasant social occasion.  No pressure (my daughter is the consultant!!) and lots of lovely offers on the night which meant my family/friends nearly all got 30% discount so handy both for personal buys and gifts for Christmas.

The following evening I went to a Christmas Shopping Night held to raise funds for Mother and Toddler Club (which my daughter helps organise).  Was like a market with craft stalls and local 'at home' businesses.  Helped set up from 6-8 and then doors were open and we had steady flow for a couple of hours before it  ended at 10 pm.  After clearing up the hall my daughter dropped me home.  Needless to say I managed to buy a few more gifts which was very handy indeed.

Hope you enjoy the time with your sister.  I have my son, partner and little grand-daughter coming for lunch today  after they have taken her swimming and will be nice to have company.  I popped to the gym first thing so enjoyed the sunshine after yesterday's awful day.

Take care, Jules

Hi Jules, sounds as if your geting into the xmas spirit  and buying  up the body shop for  your family and friends. me and the kids arnt bothering with xmas this year ,just a quite dinner at my sons. i have had my scan  at my local hospital got to wait now for the results , also had a gromet fitted in my right ear, they drained it as it was full of fluid it was surpposed to help with my tinatus, it dosnt seem to have worked at the moment . we have had a lot of rain just lately so havnt took george out much this week,going to the friendship group Monday sometimes i have to force my self to do things feel sad at losing hubby and health worrying me gets to much some times,as i said before  im a pessimist so that dosnt help ,i try to be positive but the feeling dosnt last long take care Syl x

Hi Syl

I too am really missing hubby with both Christmas and 2nd anniversary of his death looming.  He absolutely loved this time of year and being with family (even had a bright green shirt and was christened Mr Holly by our kids when small - it stuck!). Being with family and future inlaws for the day it will be busy and our kids and grandchildren  give my life a reason to be blessed still.  I know hubby will be there in spirit as we all remember him and as it is Darcey's first Christmas that brings joy and for them all it is important to make happy memories.  My grandson who will be 8 at the end of the month often talks of his grand dad  as we all do and I have no doubt that there will be tears at some point during the festivities but no shame in that. I will also go down and see myMum though she has never liked Christmas but used to make an effort when my Dad was alive as he loved it (they were definitely chalk and cheese).

The body shop goodies were mainly for myself (love their bath stuff) though a couple of bits will make up the token gifts we exchange with friends/family.   Managed to get a couple of DVDs that my eldest grandson wants so another tick of the list yesterday. Christmas day will be mainly spent chatting round the meal able and then taking the dog and children for a walk before coming back home.  Will be on my own until lunch time which will give me quiet time for reflection.  Daughter and family staying overnight and will be with me Boxing Day and it is usual for friends to pop in for a cuppa if they are passing. As my son and family will pop over to see the future inlaws they also said they will call in for a bit which will be lovely.  With more space in my through lounge I had no doubt the little ones will be busing making dens(the favourite pasttime for the two boys at the moment (not to self to keep the playstuff handy for building as it keeps them occupied quite well).

Hope you do not have to wait to long worrying for your results.  It is certainly not easy having to face things alone is it? I do feel anxious when such things are approaching and always glad to get them over.  Do hope they can get to the bottom of your health worries.  My Mum also had grommits fitted for tinnitus and it took a few weeks before she noticed a small difference though she was told there was no complete cure and was advised to use other noise to help block it.  She finds it very unpleasant especially as she is now has poor hearing as this seems to make the condition more irritating and no longer uses her music headphones.

Very wet and windy here this morning but am going out in around half an hour for my usual trip to gym and then have a 2 mile walk planned - boots and brolly at the ready.  Need to keep the exercise up to help with my arthritis which the damp weather does not help!

Hope you enjoy your Monday group get together. Having time during the day to be social does help me cope somewhat with the quieter evenings and it is amazing how many people chat when out walking (even though I am very often the only one without a dog!!).  Will definitely be a muddy walk today I think especially as horses often use the bridleways through the local woods.  I will also try and pop into the farmer's market en route.

Be kind to yourself and come and chat when you need to offload.  The support I get on my thread on dark days helps so much. Take care. Jules xx

Hi Jules, thought i would send u a quick message not much to tell you at the moment ,not heard anything off my scan yet ,i have a awful cough at the moment  been to the dr on a coures of antibiotics, so havnt been out much still took george out just to get some fresh air.my son goes away Saturday,so wont see him for a couple of week if i feel up to it going out for sunday dinner with my  daughter, it depends if my cough is any better i hope so feeling a bit down at the moment nothing seems to be going right lately .take care have a nice week end spk to you soon Syl.

Hi Jules, thought i would send u a quick message not much to tell you at the moment ,not heard anything off my scan yet ,i have a awful cough at the moment  been to the dr on a coures of antibiotics, so havnt been out much still took george out just to get some fresh air.my son goes away Saturday,so wont see him for a couple of week if i feel up to it going out for sunday dinner with my  daughter, it depends if my cough is any better i hope so feeling a bit down at the moment nothing seems to be going right lately .take care have a nice week end spk to you soon Syl.

Hi Syl

Always feels harder dealing with problems on your own doesn't it.  When our hubby's were there it gave us love and security and sometimes it is an effort to just do it for yourself. I do hope your results come through soon but pleased your GP has at least given you some antibiotics so he must think there is maybe an underlying chest infection causing your cough.  I hope they help when they kick in. I always find the cough is worse at night so sleep deprivation does not help either.  I now always have an extra pillow when have a cough as this helps a bit. It would be nice if you were able to go out with your daughter but, if not, perhaps she could bring a meal in and share it with you.  At least then you get some social time.  Our family are fans of a monthly takeaway as more of a social event than when cooking.  Hubby and I started this when I was working full time so that I had a night off (he did not cook!!) though in pre-kids days it was weekly.

No plans for this weekend but will go walking all being well and to the gym too (my social outlet which has  been working quite well as can go when I feel like it between 9 and 2 at weekends and often stop for a cuppa afterwards).  My grandson turns 8 on Tuesday so will drop his gift in sometime as he will be at school on the day.

Take care and stay cosy.  Jules xx 

Hi Jules,  didnt make Sunday lunch with my daughter wasnt well enough to go out, seem to have lost my appitite just eating fruit at the moment. my daughter is making soup Monday so i am going hers after she has finished work, not been out since thursday so i will be glad to get out of the house for a bit. ave still got my cough but its not has bad as it was have got my appointment  threw for my results dont go till the 10 January seems a bit long to wait might ring them to see why i have to wait that long  . regards Syl x

Hi Syl

Think I would ring up to see why so long too as having the results hanging over your head must make you feel anxious and you may find it is because they do not see it as urgent (on the plus side).  This may also be a case of them seeing how the antibiotics help too.  My hubby had three lots of antibiotics before they moved forward to further discussions within the hospital group involved.

Sorry you were not well enough to meet your daughter for lunch but home made soup sounds just the answer to cheer you up so hope you feel up to it.   I have only just started making my own soups and it certainly helps you feel warm inside plus gives me something to do in the evenings rather than just over thinking this time of year in front of the tv. Glad the cough is showing signs of improving albeit slowly so hope the antibiotics are helping too.  My weakness when I have a rotten cold/cough is jelly and icecream  and hot honey drinks though hubby swore by hot toddies.

Was very naughty today as met up with my daughter to hand over grandson's birthday present for tomorrow and ended up enjoying hot chocolate. Was very warming for the chilly walk back home afterwards though. Looks as though I will need to wrap up warm to walk to see my Mum tomorrow.  Though once at the care home will need to peel the layers off as always too warm in there for me. Am going to sort out a few bits to take down for their Christmas Fair. Sadly cannot actually go to the event as am away that weekend visiting friends for pre Cchristmas meal. So manymixed emotions at this time.

Do take care and be kind to yourself. Sending hugs.  Jules xx 

Hi Jules, i managedto go my daughters for my soup it was very nice potato and leek but she put kale in as well  it is surpposed to be good for you, i feel a lot better than i did, cough not has bad , but im hoarse now i think it is with all the coughing .i have been haveing honey and lemon it does ease the  throat .mh hubby also enjoyed a hot toddy i have also tried them they are quite nice. i have rung the dr up my results show i have the start of CPOD they will discus my results with me in Jan all to do with smoking i surpose  wish i had never started  but you dont realise these things when your young.hope you enjoy your meal with your friends,i am out monday for a  xmas meal with my friendship group in a local pub, there is a artist on  a raffle and a game of bingo there called pensioners parties lol  i should  be ok by then , i hope so as im looking forward  to it . hope Debbie ok not heard off her in a while have a nice wk end  regards Syl x

Hi Syl

Been a busy few days so sorry did not get back to you earlier. How lovely that you were able to get to your daughter's place and enjoy homemade soup. Sounded lovely mix.  I have only just begun to make my own and find it quite satisfying.

It must be a relief that the cough is easing and hopefully that will lead to your  hoarseness lessening too giving time for your throat to recover.   It is also sometimes helpful once you actually know what the problem is as you can begin to process things better.  As your results tell you what the diagnosis is I am sure you will learn more when you visit your GP. We have a couple of ladies at our gym who have had COPD for some time and their exercise programmes have been helping with some of the symptons though it will not make it go away of course. They have regular check ups and advice.

I was a social smoker until I had the children when I gave up completely.  Hubby on the other hand smoked from about the age of 14 until the day he died and it was somewhat ironic that his Mesothelioma diagnosis was not a result of this and his consultant was quite amazed at his good oxygen levels until the cancer really took hold. Hopefully you will get plenty of guidance to help control your symptoms and early diagnosis apparently helps.

Hope you have had a lovely meal out with your friendship group; pub food is usually very good.  

I had a bad start to my weekend having found a damp patch on my newly decorated lounge ceiling on the Friday. Long and the short of it is that there has been a slow drip underneath my bath which has now made itself known grr.  Had plumber in and it's been assessed so just waiting for a 'slot' for him to come and repair it (my fault mainly as have a couple of busy weeks with social events/babysitting and appointments plus by two days at work). At least now I now I have been able to protect the floorboards under the bath until it's sorted.  Will have to wait for ceiling to dry out completely and then slap a bit of paint on it.

On Saturday I had my grandsons whilst daughter and son in law went Christmas shopping and then they came back with my Christmas tree which the boys helped to decorate as far as they could reach. They then went home to do their own so much fun in their house too.

Yesterday we took all the grandchildren to meet Father Christmas followed by a pub meal locally. So lovely to have them all together even in 6mth old Darcey was not impressed with the man in red bless her.

Sorry this has turned into a long ramble and really hope you are feeling a lot better and were able to enjoy your Christmas meal out.  Take care. Jules x

Hi  Jules ,its nice to rant sometimes it gets things off your chest .seems to put things in perspective .i had a nice meal with my friendship group there was a singer on he was very good i even managed to have a  dance, one of our group  won a bottle of wine on bingo then she won chocolates on the raffle, it was her lucky day ,i am out tuesday at my local HighSchool for xmas lunch the 6th form put  xmas lunch  on every year for the local community that to is  a lovely meal the 6 form do most of it with the dinner ladies help. hope you get your bathroom sorted its a good job you noticed it ,as it could have been a lot worse.ny cough is a lot better now my voice is nearly back to normal as well , i managed to take george out for a walk to day as well we both enjoyed it as i havnt had him out  for a week,i even managed to write some xmas cards out, even though my heart  wasnt in it  regards Syl x

Hi Syl,

Glad you are feeling a little better and managing to get out and about, it's funny I still can't bring myself to go out socialising, the thought of going out without Sam is still too hard for me,maybe in a few months I will feel differently.  I am quite busy at work at the moment.  Take care Debbie xxxx

Hi Syl

Pleased that you are feeling better in yourself and that in turn has helped you enjoy your social events.  I have been kept busy with family events and am  going to my daughters shortly to look after youngest grandson whilst his parents go and watch eldest lad in his school Christmas play.  Should be back home around 9ish though so not a late one.

Am going to visit friends this weekend as a pre-Christmas get together though we just sit and natter and usually have a takeaway; its nice to have the company.  Know what you mean about the xmas card writing but though it always makes me think a lot as I do them, I try now to focus on what it means to those receiving them.  I am so grateful to still be remembered at this time of year too.

Lesss than a month now to when I lost hubby so Christmas is swiftly followed by yet another Anniversary but still trying to look forward and focus on my son's marriage in February (though that too will have mixed emotions I am sure).  Take care and hope you get to walk George again soon.  I do find it helps to be out for at least part of each day.  Jules x

Hi Debbie

Nice to see you posting and offering support to other forum users too.  The mutual understanding means a lot to them I am sure. 

When the time is right you will eventually feel able to accept social invitations.  The first time takes a lot of effort (and deep breathing!!) but once I had taken that initial step I found it a little easier.  It is also still pretty early days for you.  Possibly it was a little easier for me, as due to hubby travelling away for sometimes weeks at a time, I was already used to doing a few things on my own  but nonetheless always felt and sometimes still do get anxious before setting off.  The gym is my main social outlet now and am lucky to see my children/grandchildren once or twice a month (keeping in contact by text/facebook at other times).  Having said that becuase of various events have done a bit of babysitting (like tonight) and am still doing two shifts at work.  Approaching my second Christmas without hubby and the anniversary of  his death in January I do sometimes question where that time has gone and then on other days it all feels like yesterday.  Not sure those emotions will ever change to be honest but feel I owe it to him to keep going and am lucky to have friends and the forum to ramble too!!  Take care of yourself.  Jules xx

Hi Jules, it is nice to feel better  hope it lasts now .i know xmas will be sad for so many people ,you think your the only one  then you think about all the others sad and lonly at this time of year,im sure there are many worse than  us  so we have to try  and make the best of things. it sounds as if your grandchildren keep you happy and  busy , i would love  some but it dosnt seem to be happening  i live in hope lol. it will be nice to catch up with your friends over the week end  it does you good to have a natter  and nice food  as well, hope to see my son on Sunday as he is back from his holiday it seems ages since i saw him,even though i have spoke to him every day on -mail. am out tuesday for xmas dinner at my local high school ,should be nice havnt got any plans  for the week end  .enjoy ur week end with your friends Syl x