Hi Jules/Syl,

Jules don't mind joint reply at all, I know what it's like doing this on your phone - that is why my posts are usuallybrief.  I know what you mean about visiting Hubby's favourite pub it's just not the same without them is it? Glad you enjoyed it though.  Had a very busy weekend as my niece has been moving house so been helping with that and looking after my great niece so haven't had much time to think - which is good in a way.  Working full time this week as both my colleagues are away this week, so busy at work too.  Syl, I don't visit Blackpool much as I don't really like it, I prefer Lytham.  I have booked the week off work for the run up to Sam's anniversary, not sure whether that is a good or bad idea, but I need to use up my hols (never had a problem with that before!) and it is half term so at least I will be able to spend some time with my Niece and Great Niece, hopefully the weather will be nice and I can sort out the garden ready for winter.  Had a call from the Stonemason today to say that Sam's memorial plaque has arrived so just need to finalise what we want it to say - I want to say so much but there is only so much room.  Love to you Both Debbie xxxxxx

Hi Debbie, 

Have to agree that keeping busy has been my  most effective coping mechanism and as I only work 10+ hrs per week, there is much time to fill. Over the  past  21 months I have slowly rebuilt my routine to suit me. Having hubby's illness deteriorating over nearly three years means that life now is so completely different and at times still feel guilty that I can enjoy stuff like going out socially and pleasing myself. Of course I know hubby wanted me to get on with things but the emptiness that widowhood brings does interfere with life on occasion. I am so grateful for support of those around me and slowly building up confidence to do things on my own has been a bit of a personal challenge as obviously before hubby's death decisions were discussed jointly and now it's down to what I want though I still find myself wondering what  he would have said; only natural I suppose.

This coming Saturday is my grandsons 3rd birthday  so will be popping round for a couple of hours to join the fun along with his other nanny. No plans for Sunday yet but will be out walking if the weather is ok. Still pottering in the garden on dry days and thankfully able to mow the lawn again yesterday so looking ok so far. Also have a weekend coming up when I will be feeding daughter's cat for 4 days as they go away for a few days during the half term hols. I am also going to friends 30th anniversary party in a couple of weeks. It will be lovely catching up with them as the moved to Sussex earlier this year and have not seen them for a while. 

You say you booked some time off to cover the upcoming anniversary of Sam's passing and if it feels right then it probably is. I was not at work on the anniversary at the beginning of this year and just wanted to be alone with my thoughts  which the children  understood .  In the end i spent a little time at his resting place and found solace in the peacefulness. It is such a personal journey that we all take but I still find being on the forum is helping.

Sending hugs, take care. Jules  xx

Hi Jules, glad your ok you sound as busy as ever  some times i wish i was that busy it passes the time and  stops you from thinking  about things. Swimming aerobics has stopped now for a few week  as my instructor is on holiday, then the kids are off school the week after.the kids did the walk for the brain tumour charity they raised over  100 pound each  the weather was good  as well so they enjoyed the  6 mile walk. if the weather is ok hope to do my garden at week end  might have to borrow my  neighbours lawn mower as mine isnt cutting proper, i am still feeding  the hedgehog that comes in to my garden, if the weather stays mild they wont  hibernate  till november  or till the weather gets cold ,im not doing much over the week end  might go into town saturday,hope to go out for sunday dinner with the kids but im not sure yet. Have a nice week end  regards Syl x

Hi debbie, glad your ok at the moment  glad you booked the week off work will give you time  to relax  and spend time with your nieces ,me and hubby used to go to Blackpool a couple of times a year to watch a show stay over in one of the many hotels we did enjoy it even though it is tacky it is one of the many things i miss  going to the sea side .im sure  you will pick the right word for sams memorial all i put in the book of remembrance book for hubby was gone fishing it fitted him to a t  and me and the kids  had a smile  when we thought of it .hope you have a good week end . take care Syl x

Hi Syl,

I am slowly learning to pace my various activities so I have something to do each day but not exactly a fixed routine so that I can vary it as and when other things crop up. I am not keen on the darker early evenings but still go out for a walk if I can as it breaks up the day rather than sitting in front of  the TV or over thinking things. Still missing hubby of course  especially at family occasions like my grandsons 3rd birthday party yesterday but am sure we were being watched over and making new memories with my family is important to us all.

Had new bedroom blind fitted yesterday and it looks  so much better than the old curtains. Despite the early downpour today went to the gym for my social fix and then did the weekly shop. Will bake a cake later as have a friend coming for coffee on Tuesday. She has been following slimming world so must look up  online,a recipe that she will be able to have. I have a personal target, albeit small, to lose before my son's wedding but my willpower  is harder in the evenings ha ha. 

Hope you are enjoying a peaceful weekend.  Take care 

Jules 

Hi Jules, glad you had a nice time at your grandsons birthday party they must keep you young and active, glad your still going for your walks  even though the nighst are drawing in .have felt quite sad today went into town this morning just to get out of the house for a couple of hours, have cried most of the afternoon  but it dosnt change any thing i dread the dark nights its some thing that i have got to get used to  hope i feel better about things tomorrow regards Syl x

Hi Syl,

It's just very tiring when we feel this way isn't it.  Sadly no magic remedy for grieving but the tears do bring some relief.

I have been spending a few hours each day editing my photos that are stored on my current laptop which is not working too well and hoping to replace it soon. Hubby bought it for me after he was diagnosed so the time line for all the pictures matches his cancer journey. Has been a labour of love to keep the memories safe and so far have transferred over 1000  assorted pictures of family events which are now stored on a memory card. The eldest grandson loves looking back through them from time to time.

Hope you are being kind to yourself. It is not an easy time but the forum gives us somewhere to offload without upsetting the family who are also grieving.  Take care. Jules 

Hi Jules, still feel quite sad  been to my sisters for a few hours , she has just got a dog from cheshire dogs home a Jack Russell its very nice, i would love a  dog  to keep me company but my cat dosnt like dogs. Hopefully going out for dinner with the kids on sunday, not sure where  were going yet, not doing much tomorrow or saturday only a bit of shopping ,might take my selfoff to the garden centre  saturday just to get out of the house for a bit,not heard off Debbie in a while hope she is ok .have a nice week end  regards Syl x

Hi Syl

Think it's only natural that we feel times of deep sadness but it is good that you were able to spend some time with your sister and bet the dog was fun to be around. I have never had dogs but son has a westie which is a lovely to see when we get together.

Now some more time has passed since hubby's death  I  think a new pattern of my life is emerging. It is definitely not what I  would have chosen but then life always has a way of throwing uncertainty at you. It's  nearly 21 months since our lives changed and me, my children and grandchildren are having to get on with things. I  do not want them worrying about me and so have been encouraging them to enjoy the life we now have and taken a step back to how we used to stay in touch rather than seeing them so frequently. It's hard for them too as they  are of course devastated to lose their Dad and we all miss him and always will but it is important for them to get on with enjoying their own family life, just as we did for so many good years. Time has helped me adjust to spending time alone but I  no longer feel as lonely as I  have a certain structure to my days and no longer feel I must keep my mind occupied as I allow myself to recall the good times and feel blessed to have both understanding from those around me day to day and the forum  for support. It is not always that easy but manageable.

I am sure Debbie is coping in her own way as we all try and do. She has some time booked off as her husband 's anniversary of passing approaches and I  am keeping her in my thoughts and send you both virtual hugs as we travel forward. Take care Jules