Syliva, I am so very sorry for your loss, I know how it feels, my husband passed away in October and I miss him so much, I too wish they could let us know they are ok.  There are lots of people on here going through the same terrible time who will offer support.  Sending love to you Debbie xxxxxx

Hi Debbie, how are you?  hope your ok , not been to good these last couple of days you seem to be ok ,then you seem to  take  steps back again. Went to a memorial service at the crem where my husbands service was every one that was there has lost a loved one in the last 12 month, it was very moving and sad at the same time . take care Syl x

Hi Syl

Thanks for your lovely comments about the picture. I really just snap away and with the advantage of digital camera just delete the bad ones!!  Never considered entering a competition.

Hope you enjoy the film when you go with your daughter tonight. We have Frankie and Benny's in both our local town centres but I have never been there so you must let me know how you found it. We have a new retail complex due to be finished next year which will have a large Cineworld along with several eateries and all just 15mins walk away.  Will be very handy and am more likely to go to the cinema with it being walking distance.  It will also be good to see the development on land that has  been derelict since an old dairy closed down in the 80s.  Will also gain a large Asda to add to the recent arrival of Aldi and B&M (Lidl also building about a mile away) so more choice for supermarket shopping. 

Sorry to hear you are still struggling with your breathing and hope the appointment on 24th October will help get to the bottom of things for you.

Like you I feel sad that my hubby never made it into retirement.  He was only 60 when diagnosed and died just  before his 63rd birthday. Loved to work and said he would never retire so in that respect he got his wish though not quite the way he had expected.  I feel like am honouring his memory by having the home updated  as pretty sure this is something he would have got round to had he not fallen ill. Just had the gas fires serviced in readiness for the winter months but at least we had a bit of a late flourish of summer and I still have  not had to get a coat out yet though that will probably change soon.

Take care and have a peaceful weekend.  Jules x

Hi jules, feel quite sad this week end had a cry saturday night, just been out for sunday lunch with the kids, its a pub near where we live, they do a nice cavery we all had the roast beef it was very nice. am also going on my boat trip tomorrow on the Bridgewater canal hope the weather is ok for us as we are on the boat for a couple of hours,at least it gets  me out and stops me thinking about things for a while.the picture was good  it turned out nice in the end it gave you a feel good factor which was nice , frankie and bennys was good we had beef burgers but they do chicken, steaks wraps  pasta a viriaty of things.i havnt had my gas fire on yet if hubby was here it would have been on by now i dont feel the cold like he did ,as i am e-mailing you the sun is shining threw the window  but it has been raining this morning. I will let you know i get on with my boat trip. Regards Syl x

Hi Syl

Emotions can be so raw at times that a good cry helps release them  and the waves of sadness do come and go even sometimes when you think you are ok.  Hope you are feeling a little calmer now.

As the weather has been good here (just one shower yesterday) I hope your boat trip on the Bridgewater Canal was enjoyable and no doubt pretty peaceful too.

I have always enjoyed walking and so a lot of my spare time is walking for pleasure and did this alone even when hubby was alive and preferred to sit watching tv (mainly because he travelled a lot for business and this was his relaxation when at home).  He was a happy walker when we went on holiday though and more adventurous with the children when they were young.

  I had a busy weekend, spending Saturday in Hertfordshire (Watford) shopping for birthday gifts and then on Sunday walked to the local garden centre and did this again yesterday as not only had  I left something behind but also needed more bulbs and a squirrel proof feeder so plenty of fresh air in the last few days. A cooler start this morning so I might need a jacket when I go visit my Mum but as you say no need for any heating indoors yet which will make the autumn/winter seem shorter.

I am trying to use the evenings now to begin sorting out the spare rooms (such a lot of clutter collected over many years most of which has not been used for ages).  If I am bored with the tv I get up and do a bit of exercise and fill another charity/recycling/rubbish bag - it is very therapeutic and takes my mind of the sadness and stress of life in general.  I am a fairweather gardener so will miss being out there so much as find this very relaxing.

At times I find it hard to think I am approaching another Christmas without hubby but suppose I have changed over the last 21 months and am still carving out this different life I now have.  I dont see family so often now and that feels right for us all to be getting back to how it used to be.  Of course we still chat via phone/text when we want to.  Having said that I will  be at my daughter's on Friday morning as she is hosting a MacMillan Coffee morning.  As my youngest grandson will be at pre-school that will seem strange too (last year when she held one it was one eye on the kiddies and one eye on the cake table).  Will bake a couple of loaf cakes to take along to help out and all being well it will  be a good social event as well as raising money for a good cause.

Glad you enjoyed the film (my daughter did too) and your meals out.  I had a light lunch out both days over the weekend  and it makes a change from sandwiches at home and no washing up either!!

Temperatures looking reasonable again today so no coat required but think I may have to start getting my jumpers back into the wardrobe so am ready when the colder weather arrives.  Well best get on and get ready to go see Mum in about an hour.  Take care,  Jules x

Hi Jules,  the boat trip  was lovely but it never stopped raining from the minute we got on till the minute we got off, there was nine of us altogether,we stopped off at a pub called the barn owl for lunch 2course for seven ninty five it was really good value for money it was really nice.since then the weather hasnt been to bad which is typical,my Daughter made a chocolate and orange cake for work with proceeds going to Macmillan nurses it looked very yummy when she sent me a photo on e mail,my kids are doing a sponsed walk in chester in late october for the brain tumour charity there dad had lung cancer that spread to his brain  the charity only gets 2% of all the donations ,so its important they  keep  the momentum up to keep money  coming in just for brain tumours. Hope you have a nice week end if the weather isnt to bad Saturday might be going to Blackpool to see the lights with my Daughter and her partner, Regards Syl x

Hi Syl,

Sorry for late response but my laptop on the way out and am trying to get to grips with using tablet!Glad you enjoyed the boat trip  despite the  weather. Typically it has been great since. 

I went shopping on the Saturday and then out with my daughter and grandsons on the Sunday so their dad could watch the touring cars in peace. I actually managed to find a jacket to match the dress for my son's wedding so much happier  now that's sorted.My daughters macmillan coffee morning raised just over £230 in the end so she was very pleased . I  met up with and old friend there and we had lunch yesterday  and hope to make it a regular event perhaps once a month. I also had my grand daughter  for a couple of hours which was lovely.

I have just got back from a relatives meeting at mums care home and had a gym assessment this afternoon so am being kept busy this week. At my daughters after  work tomorrow so she can go to school open evening.

Did you get to Blackpool. Have not been there for  very many years but certainly  enjoyed  the lights when I was there. I am out with some of the ladies from the gym on Saturday evening and then going to .Brighton on Sunday so that's another week taken care of. 

Take care, Jules 

Y

Hi Jules, sounds like you had a nice week end its nice to go out with friends to have a meal and a chat.glad your out fit is sorted for the wedding you can relax and look forward to the day now with out worrying it. we made it to Blackpool we didnt get out of the car ,we shoud have done as the weather was quite nice,we enjoyed them me and my daughter got out of the car ran to a kiosk got some doughnuts and coffee then caught up with  Lee in the traffic, they were  very yummie, didnt get home till 11 45 had a couple of glasses of wine then went to bed .The weather here is nice at the moment even cut my lawn in the week this might be the last cut i hope so as my mower isnt cutting very well might need a new one for next year,havnt heard off Debbie for a while might e mail her during the week to see if she is ok . Have a nice week end  speak to you soon regards Syl x

Hi Syl, Glad you had a nice time in Blackpool, I live quite near there.  I am doing ok-ish at the moment, can't believe it's been almost a year.  I haven't been out much so not a lot to tell you.  Keep in touch and take care (you too Jules) Love Debbie xxxxxxxxx  

Hi Debbie, glad your ok  must be nice to live near the sea especially in summer it must be hard knowing its nearlly 12 month since sam died its nearly 8 month for me, i to feel ok some time and  some times i cry  been to my friendship group this morning ,took george out for a walk im in for the day now.still dont like the dark nights and they havnt even altered the clocks yet ,the weather here at the moment is lovely its like  spring  lets hope it carries on  a bit longer.spk to you soon take care Syl x

Hi Syl and Debbie,

Hope you won't mind a joint response but having to do everything  on my phone or tablet  which I find more of a strain. Hoping to be able to replace laptop  soon.

Hope you keeping ok and making the most of the sunny weather and enjoyed a relaxing weekend. I managed another first on Sat evening when I returned to hubby's fave pub and walked in alone  though I was meeting up with some of the ladies who go to the gym. Was a bit choked when I arrived but then enjoyed a very chatty evening  and ended up staying three hours. It was lovely having some company and one of the ladies had also not long lost her husband so mutual support was evident.

Yesterday I visited the coast on a coach trip and had wonderful weather for the time of year. There was a motorbike convention taking place and the atmosphere was great with many of them chatting whilst I had lunch by the beach.  I managed to walk over 5 miles so was glad to get back on the coach at 5 pm. Would go again next year.

Today I had been due to have a cuppa with a good mate of hubby's but on checking with him,he had to pull out as not only did he have a heavy cold but also his car in for repair. We will rearrange when he can get carer cover to be with his wife. I offered to go to them but he said he looks forward to the change of scene so will wait for his next call. Soo with a free morning I mowed the lawn and cleaned the bird feeders before popping to thru gym.  Just the ironing to do later after I have caught up on strictly results show on the I player.

Thinking of you both, take care,hugs  , Jules 

Hi Jules/Syl,

Jules don't mind joint reply at all, I know what it's like doing this on your phone - that is why my posts are usuallybrief.  I know what you mean about visiting Hubby's favourite pub it's just not the same without them is it? Glad you enjoyed it though.  Had a very busy weekend as my niece has been moving house so been helping with that and looking after my great niece so haven't had much time to think - which is good in a way.  Working full time this week as both my colleagues are away this week, so busy at work too.  Syl, I don't visit Blackpool much as I don't really like it, I prefer Lytham.  I have booked the week off work for the run up to Sam's anniversary, not sure whether that is a good or bad idea, but I need to use up my hols (never had a problem with that before!) and it is half term so at least I will be able to spend some time with my Niece and Great Niece, hopefully the weather will be nice and I can sort out the garden ready for winter.  Had a call from the Stonemason today to say that Sam's memorial plaque has arrived so just need to finalise what we want it to say - I want to say so much but there is only so much room.  Love to you Both Debbie xxxxxx

Hi Jules/Syl,

Jules don't mind joint reply at all, I know what it's like doing this on your phone - that is why my posts are usuallybrief.  I know what you mean about visiting Hubby's favourite pub it's just not the same without them is it? Glad you enjoyed it though.  Had a very busy weekend as my niece has been moving house so been helping with that and looking after my great niece so haven't had much time to think - which is good in a way.  Working full time this week as both my colleagues are away this week, so busy at work too.  Syl, I don't visit Blackpool much as I don't really like it, I prefer Lytham.  I have booked the week off work for the run up to Sam's anniversary, not sure whether that is a good or bad idea, but I need to use up my hols (never had a problem with that before!) and it is half term so at least I will be able to spend some time with my Niece and Great Niece, hopefully the weather will be nice and I can sort out the garden ready for winter.  Had a call from the Stonemason today to say that Sam's memorial plaque has arrived so just need to finalise what we want it to say - I want to say so much but there is only so much room.  Love to you Both Debbie xxxxxx

Hi Debbie, 

Have to agree that keeping busy has been my  most effective coping mechanism and as I only work 10+ hrs per week, there is much time to fill. Over the  past  21 months I have slowly rebuilt my routine to suit me. Having hubby's illness deteriorating over nearly three years means that life now is so completely different and at times still feel guilty that I can enjoy stuff like going out socially and pleasing myself. Of course I know hubby wanted me to get on with things but the emptiness that widowhood brings does interfere with life on occasion. I am so grateful for support of those around me and slowly building up confidence to do things on my own has been a bit of a personal challenge as obviously before hubby's death decisions were discussed jointly and now it's down to what I want though I still find myself wondering what  he would have said; only natural I suppose.

This coming Saturday is my grandsons 3rd birthday  so will be popping round for a couple of hours to join the fun along with his other nanny. No plans for Sunday yet but will be out walking if the weather is ok. Still pottering in the garden on dry days and thankfully able to mow the lawn again yesterday so looking ok so far. Also have a weekend coming up when I will be feeding daughter's cat for 4 days as they go away for a few days during the half term hols. I am also going to friends 30th anniversary party in a couple of weeks. It will be lovely catching up with them as the moved to Sussex earlier this year and have not seen them for a while. 

You say you booked some time off to cover the upcoming anniversary of Sam's passing and if it feels right then it probably is. I was not at work on the anniversary at the beginning of this year and just wanted to be alone with my thoughts  which the children  understood .  In the end i spent a little time at his resting place and found solace in the peacefulness. It is such a personal journey that we all take but I still find being on the forum is helping.

Sending hugs, take care. Jules  xx

Hi debbie, glad your ok at the moment  glad you booked the week off work will give you time  to relax  and spend time with your nieces ,me and hubby used to go to Blackpool a couple of times a year to watch a show stay over in one of the many hotels we did enjoy it even though it is tacky it is one of the many things i miss  going to the sea side .im sure  you will pick the right word for sams memorial all i put in the book of remembrance book for hubby was gone fishing it fitted him to a t  and me and the kids  had a smile  when we thought of it .hope you have a good week end . take care Syl x

Hi Debbie

Just wanted to send you virtual hugs today.  Whilst I know you think about Sam every day, today will come with poignant memories and I am keeping you in my thoughts. Be kind to yourself. Jules xx

Jules, thank you so much for caring and remembering, so very kind of you. I went to the cemetery with family and friends and then went for a coffee and we all shared memories of Sam, it was emotional but lovely to talk about him.  I miss him so very much as I know you too miss your hubby I wish things could have been different for all of us. although the future still looks bleak I will try to move forward and make Sam proud.  love and thanks Debbie xxxxx