Good morning all

I joined this forum on 30th April 2015 just a few days after my husbands gp sent him for an xray after he coughed up blood. 

His xray results were not good and he was diagnosed with inoperable incurable lung cancer on June 2nd 2015. He passed away 10 weeks later on 12th August aged 54.

During the weeks of his illness I spent many evenings on this forum. Receiving advice. Giving out words of advice. I found it helped me a great deal to focus on other people also having tough battles. It was good knowing I wasn't alone. 

When Neil passed away I pretty much shut down. Had it not been for my daughter I wouldn't have eaten and my grandaughter made black days a little less black. 

Last night I felt able to return to the forum and contribute some advice and words to another lung cancer carer. On the outside I look pretty normal most of the time - and I'm now able to function in a more normal fashion. Inside I'm still very much broken. I have some lovely Internet friends who I met here who jolly me along and as they're ahead of me in their journey I have hope that I too can carry on. 

When Neil first passed (I still can't bring myself to say the D word - too final. Too scary!) I was in a very black place all of the time. Now I'm in a steely grey place! Some days I get through without too much angst. Other days I feel so much mental anguish I wish I wasn't here.  But on the whole I'm coping. Mostly.

Sorry this is such a long post. I guess I could have just said. Life is tough now but I'm trying to cope! Ha that would have saved us all a lot of time. Thank you for reading my ramblings! 

Netty