Hi - I understand how you feel ..... I really do .. I feel as though I am just going the motions and not really living jut an existence.  Nothing seems to have meaning anymore. 

I have to collet the ashes next week as the funeral home won't keep them too much longer ..... I don't know if I will feel anything then - I doubt it .... it's as if there is a barrier around me at the moement and nothing amkes any sense.  I expect I will feel that the ashes are that ashes .... the soul is no longer there.  Now where that is may well be a million dollar question.  

Fingers crossed it's different for you and having the ashes will help. 

Lots of luck