I have posted on here before whilst my mum was still alive but now she has died. My mum died on February the 15th, I was there with her which I am grateful for as I always knew I had to be. However it has left me haunted a bit. My mum was 52 and she absolutely loved life and did not want to go. Even about 2-3 weeks prior to her death we had been planning her next chemo but sadly it was just one thing after the other for her and nothing was working. She couldn't get treatment for various reasons. She went into hospital due to a serious infection and the doctor had to tell her no more your body can't take any more. It was horrendous. She didn't want to talk about it after that. I asked if she wanted to talk about absolutely anything but she said no. She didn't cry those last few weeks. She couldn't really talk very much. I was so sad. I am still so sad. I didn't really feel like I was at her funeral I didn't cry. But now I feel like I can't cope. I feel so bad for my dad. He's 63. I live with my dad and my brother. I have one very good friend for who I am so grateful for. But I just miss my mum. I'm struggling with uni work too. Don't know why I'm writing this I just feel desperate.