Hi SallyC,

Sorry to hear of your heartache.  I too lost my 39yr old son in January this year 2021 to an aggressive sarcoma after 10 months of savage chemotherapy and radiotherapy which came to nothing.  He lived abroad with his wife and two little children.  We visited each other often so the kids know us, but now he's gone we have very little contact.  It is still very raw so we are giving his widow time.  She has a lot of support from her extended family but we just have our daughter and son-in-law.  Our world has changed.  The pain is unbearable as we were so close.  We can't seem to see a way forward.

I'm sorry for your loss my wife died of breast cancer 22nd of December 2020 She was 39 she left me with a two-year-old and a nine-year-old to look after! I know Im not exactly what you're looking for but to me someone 39 is far too young they had their whole life in front of them we had so many plans

Now I just feel alone I've lost the love of my life my soulmate literally the girl of my dreams I know I have to keep going for my children but life it was nearly impossible now I'm here if you want to chat

So sorry about the loss of your cherished wife.  What this loss leaves is a mess that seems impossible to clear up.  You are describing what our daughter-in-law is going through and we understand.  We wish we lived in the same country as her so we could help with our grand children 5 and almost 2.  Her mother has been living with her for the past 6 months but will be going back to her country soon.  
 

Do you have support and family?  Would like to hear how your in laws feel and what your extended family relationships are like.  They can be difficult at these times and sometimes add to grief.  Any advice would be welcome.

Hi for me my family have been good in helping out with the boys and just being mum and day really  I only talk about my wife when I want to if I don't whey won't which I don't like too much I sometimes feel if I talk about her but just upsets them  but sod it she was everything to me i'm not gonna stop talking about her! 
 The in-laws her mum and dad were split up and he is in another country her mum and her older children Martyne s Brothers and sisters have been great Especially her mum and her sister I feel I can say whatever I want to them About Martyne' and I want to listen I feel my pain and now much I loved my wifeI guess what I'm trying to say is it's easier to be me when I'm grieving when I'm around them but on my terms Like I know where they're going to go home Hope this is making sense What I mean by that is when Martyne died her mum came to stay for a bit which was nice at first I seen realised I needed my own space to grieve I would say I was never really close to my in-laws but I have become more closer since her death  her mum trues to behard sometimes trying not to cry Which I don't really like I'd seen everyone have a good cry and then maybe a little joke about things and then you heads out of water for a little bit before we all go back crying again 

for me it's very important to see the family but like I said I like it on my terms hope it helps 

Hi Chris s it's been Three months since my wife died I still think about every single day we got a gravestone now  I guess I'm really struggling with the death thing again and heaven I'm so desperate to please look at YouTube videos about angels and everything and that gives me hope I guess I would just love to make sure that she's up there waiting for me 

Hi Littlenonny

Thank you so much for your message. I was so sorry to hear about your son and has brought back so many memories being the same age as mine.

I cannt believe its been 5 years since I lost my son.  His kids are now 16 and 18 and the boy has gone completely off the rails and I cannt do anything to hellp him even though I have tried.  Also after a long investigation I have found out that the hospital misread the three cancers on two scans.  I am so angry but atleast I now know the truth. 

My sons ex expartner would not speak to me for a few months but now I am in contact.

Hope we  can keep in contact.

SallyC

Hi SallyC,

Cancer is so evil and causes so much heartache not just through the loss of a loved one, as if that isn't enough, it causes the breakup of so many families.  If you add the COVID lockdown to that mix then it is a triple whammy.  I wished I'd not whinged so much before 2020 when Matthew had not yet met the devil that is cancer.  Now my world is one of continuous grief. I can't move on.  No such thing.

I'm so sorry you have the turmoil of hearing about the misreading of scans etc.  You don't need to hear that when you're worlds falling apart.  That only creates "what ifs".  Please don't torture yourself over it.  You are still a precious human being on this earth and therefore you too are of great value to us even though you may not feel it.

My husband and I have decided to FaceTime our daughter in law and her mother as the latter has sent us an angry text implying we have shirked financial responsibility for the family.  
 

Littlenonny

Hi Chris2020, you may be able to help us as you are going through the same tragedy that our daughter in law is going through having just lost her husband, our beloved son.  They and their little girls were robbed of a happy future.  However we have a new tragic problem.  Her mother who is with her for a while has turned her against us.  The reason money.  They won't even talk to us.  Where do we go from here?  Our grandchildren are being used as bargaining tools.  We don't blame our daughter in law as she is going through the same trauma as us.  

Hi Chris2020,  they live in Australia.  They had a very good life as my son was a top scientist there.  They didn't involve us in their accounts.  He was 39 yrs old.  Why would he.  However she will be missing the income and her super rich mum is staying with her but will be going home soon.  We stayed with our son when he was diagnosed last March, for 4 months but he didn't say anything even though we asked gently.  He was so sick with the heavy chemo for his aggressive sarcoma.  
thank you I'll take your advice on board.