Dealing with the waiting

My wife was diagnosed with peritoneal cancer in Oct2014 and after struggling with bowel blockages and  having chemo was told that she was clear last July - Aug. She then had respiratory problems, non cancer related,  and had a ct scan t,his was seen by the oncologist  at a follow up who then told us the cancer had returned. Although chemo was started my wife became worse and eventually on christmas eve was admitted to our local wonderful hospice. With no surgery or chemo available and her bowels again blocked she  was given "  short weeks". She has battled on and improved in that her bowels started to work again and managed to celebrate her birthday on the 24th Jan but the future is certain but the timing is not. I am 66, my wife now 63 with 3 grown up children ( late 20s) with their own lives. This time where we all visit daily waiting for the inevitable is one of the hardest things I have ever done. We deal with it day to day as although she is visibly getting weaker and weaker there are good days when we can have conversations and interaction  and days when we are just there holding  her hand.

As I  said this is the hardest time and although I have good friends who try to support it can be very lonely and worrying for the future. 

  • My condolences on the sad loss of Gill. Be kind to yourself in the coming days and the forum is here as and when you feel able to post. Jules

  • Hi Deggsy,

    All of us at Cancer Chat would like to echo the sentiments expressed by our lovely members. We have been following your story day by day and we are so sorry to hear that Gill passed away this afternoon, but it's nice to hear that she was surrounded by you and her daughter. I have no doubt that she could feel all that love that was around her. How moving the way you describe giving her a cuddle at the very end. 

    Our sincere condolences to you and your family,

    Best wishes,

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • I am so sorry for your very sad loss, Deggsy, but pleased that you and her daughter were with her.  xx

  • Thinking of you and your family Deggsy

    Kat 

  • Thanks.

    Woke up this morning to a new world, a little poorer for the loss of my beautiful Gill, but enriched by her during her life. Now to get on with making sure that we all carry forward her spirit into the future. 

    Deggsy 

  • Ah - I was about to say I'm sorry to hear that Deggsy but I guess that's not quite right under the circumstances.

    I think you and Gill really touched so many of us on here, for me in particular as it brought back so many memories. We've all been impressed by your strength and resillience and I know you'll arrange a wonderful funeral.

    Come back when you've time and talk to us especially when the lows kick in - I've found that offering what help and support I can to others has been a great healer I think you might too 

  • Gill's spirit will be carried in your heart wherever you may be Deggsy and I know you will do her memory proud as you make arrangements for the celebration of her life. Your forum buddies can keep you company as and when you need to share.  Like Graham has said, I too find it a help to support others as I was supported during the saddest of times. Keeping you and the family in my thoughts. Jules

  • Hi Deggsy, I am sorry to hear of your loss and I know you will keep her memory with you always. Hugs x G

  • Hi to all my friends,

    I still need your opinion, I miss Gill like mad but I expected that and can deal with it by having a good shout and cry and get it out of my system so I can go on. She was my purpose to do things and I know that I will find a purpose in the future, but she was also my lover and she always told me that I was the sort of man that was more comfortable in female company. This disease robbed us of our normal life together for so long and now I am completely alone I crave female company but know that I will not be ready for a freindship/relatioship for a long time.

    I feel that at the moment people feel awkward to approach me socially and apart from close friends this will continue. 

    You can't imagine how good I feel when I meet female friends and they give me a cuddle, no matter how brief.

    I would like your comments but I probably know that the answer is that I have to give myself time. Being on my own in the evenings is the time I find loneliest, even when Gill was in the hospice I was able to sit and hold her hand and watch TV.

    Deggsy

  • Hi Deggsy, I was at the swimming pool last week trying to make sure there were spectator seats for Alan to watch me, anyway after the gent showed me the pool etc, I asked him for a hug! We all need a hug and a cuddle no matter what is going on in our lives. Having a cuddle does not mean anything else but just that. Take care, if I lived near you yes I would give you a hug but am sending virtual hugs x