Hi Deggsy I can completely relate to this

My wife died of primary peritoneal cancer back in October. She was at high risk of ovarian cancer and had had a hysterectomy to prevent this so when she showed up with symptoms but no ovaries it was very confusing for all until PPC was diagnosed!

Amazingly she had few symptoms until the last week - never seemed to be an actual blockage but the best guess seems to be she had a bowel shutdown then an associated infection which she was unable to throw off with a compromised immune system. And yes her last 2 or 3 days were the hardest thing I've ever lived through.

All I can say is be there for her, make sure she's as comfortable as possible and gets the pain relief she needs - ask to talk to the palliative team at the hospital they can help you in this and can explain what it will probably be like to be there when it happens so you know what to expect - I found that took so much of the worry out of it for me.

Don't worry too much now about afterwards - you'll have a lot of grief as so many of us on here have but your friends and familly will help and so will people on here

spend these last days with her well, if you can, try to take her mind off it a bit and be strong for her so she's not worried about what will happen to you when she's gone.

And stay with us on line and we'll see if we can't help you pick up the pieces 

Thanks Graham,

My wife is recieving the very best care that anyone could wish for at our local hospice and the staff are there  for all of  us and as you have said have prepared us all for what is going to happen. What I didn't say was the prognosis of short  weeks was given when she went  into the hospice on christmas eve and here  we  are at the end of Jan. she's a  real fighter. Living with the fact that there is no long term future and trying to make every day  special has been hard and then coming home each night wondering if that will  be the last time I see her, over such a long time causes me to question so many things.

I will keep posting as it does help to keep my emotions in check

Thanks again.

Hey Deggsy

I said you'd know!

Even if she doesn't know you're there you've one last important job - Make sure they keep her pain free with the medication, you'll know if you need to draw their attention to it she may start to grimmace or become unsettled.

Best of luck and stay strong

Graham is right. And my biggest fear is to be in terrible pain.  Have been waiting 6 weeks for an appointment at the pain clinic at our local hospice.

Pauline,

So sorry to hear of your wait, our local charitable hospice has been so good I tend to think  that they all are the same. My wife was referred to the pain clinic very early on and therefore has been on their radar for some time, so when managing  symptoms at home became difficult she went immediately to  the hospice. The staff are all brilliant and can spot the signs and give medication straight away.

The most reassuring thing for my wife was the day that her GP held her hand and told her not to worry about pain and he promised her that no matter what she would not have to suffer pain. To this day she has only complained of mild discomfort. 

Hope you get an appointment soon.

On Deggsy, all I have ever asked of doctors is that I don't die in pain and yet I am still trying to manage with paracetamol and ibruprofin, I know I frequently take too many because I have so much pain, my mind is a bit addled and I cant remember when I last took them.  So many times the Macmillan nurses have promisedto contact me, but haven't, so I have now given up on them.

I am so pleased you have a wonderful hospice for your wife and that she has good pain relief.  Thar's what we want for everyone. 

Hi Pauline,

I'm rather shocked to hear that you're struggling with pain and over the counter medecines

In your position I would take myself down to my GP and tell them this (possibly ommitting the bit about getting muddled) they could at least prescribe you some slightly stronger pain relief like codeine while you are waiting for the pain clinic - that doesn't sound like a big ask for someone in your position 

Yes Pauline, I am shocked that you are having to cope with over the counter meds. Get on to you GP and get something stronger and get a referral to your local palliative care team, they are the experts when it comes to pain control.

Hi Deggsy

Sorry I have not responded since my last reply. Unfortunately lost internet access.

No matter how confused your dear wife may be, I know you will  keep talking with her and as others have said being pain free is so important. My Dad was kept pain free in the hospice and with my husband (whose pain resistence even amazed the doctors) who was able to stay at home, the community/palliative team were so good to make sure he was kept comfortable all the way to his passing.  His was a 'mild discomfort' kind of chap and I hope you feel well supported during this journey that none of of wished to make. Takecare. Jules

Thanks Jules and all other well wishers.

My wife is surprising them all at the hospice, in her good moments she still shows her wit and enjoys a conversation with the staff. They are keeping her comfortable and that is all we can ask.

Thanks again

Hi Deggsy, Just wondering how you and your wife are today.

Hi Deggsy

Those precious moments lift the spirits for a while dont they. Keeping you both in my thoughts. Jules

Hi Deggsy

Those precious moments lift the spirits for a while dont they. Keeping you both in my thoughts. Jules