Hi - I totally understand where you're at.  My Mother died in frightful circumstances - she too had only been in hospital for 8 weeks but the end was ugly.  Unfortunately I can't expunge her last days from my mind at the moment and I wake up at 03:00 hrs most nights.  

I'm going through her things and digging out lovely old photos of her - photos of when she was in her 50s and looked stunning.  It's helping having these out as when I look up from the sofa I see a fit lady not someone who was ravaged by pain.  

I'm thinking of joining a bereavement group ... just to be able to talk things through with people who are going through the same.  I have friends who knew Mum well but they don't feel her loss like I do and I feel as though I am burdening them.  

I think what you are feeling is normal - its such early days ..... I often feel anger at what hapened as I felt powerless to take the pain away.  

Being sleep deprived won't help either - I find I over react after only getting a few hours rest so am thinking of asking the doctor for a light sleeping pill - just for a couple of weeks so as I can get my sleep patterns sorted.  I'm not sure if you would want this .....

Thank you x

Hi there, I lost my dad in similar circumstances although in time I've realise it doesn't matter how all that matters is you lost them. My dad had what was believed to be lung cancer that had sores to his liver and maybe even more places. He was diagnosed on a Wednesday and gone on the Saturday. No time to adjust and get your head around it, just gone in the blink of an eye! It wasn't a peaceful passing and every bit of it haunts me... I'm now 12 weeks into this thing they call grief, week 5 I really hit rock bottom. At the beginning not a minute went past I didn't think about my dad, now I have times when he's not on my mind all the time. I struggled with what my dad must of gone through as we didn't know he was unwell till 3 weeks before he passed. My dad had either hidden his cancer or was in denial of being so unwell. I look back on the signs we missed or he covered up and it just breaks my heart. I think in time you will be in a better place emotionally and only time can get you there. All this aside I feel truly heartbroken and life will never be the same. Take care of yourself x

Hi there, I lost my dad in similar circumstances although in time I've realise it doesn't matter how all that matters is you lost them. My dad had what was believed to be lung cancer that had sores to his liver and maybe even more places. He was diagnosed on a Wednesday and gone on the Saturday. No time to adjust and get your head around it, just gone in the blink of an eye! It wasn't a peaceful passing and every bit of it haunts me... I'm now 12 weeks into this thing they call grief, week 5 I really hit rock bottom. At the beginning not a minute went past I didn't think about my dad, now I have times when he's not on my mind all the time. I struggled with what my dad must of gone through as we didn't know he was unwell till 3 weeks before he passed. My dad had either hidden his cancer or was in denial of being so unwell. I look back on the signs we missed or he covered up and it just breaks my heart. I think in time you will be in a better place emotionally and only time can get you there. All this aside I feel truly heartbroken and life will never be the same. Take care of yourself x