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I miss my Dad so very much.

Paulawool
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Hi, I'm struggling with losing my Dad to pancreatic and liver cancer. We lost him 6 months ago, 3 weeks after his diagnosis he'd only been unwell for 5 weeks in total. He was only 67. I miss him so much, some days I cope ok but mostly it hurts so much, at times I'm tearful (mostly when I'm driving) I feel numb and I'm short tempered.  My 9 year old daughter wants everything to be normal, she cried when we told her that Grandpops had died and again at his funeral but nothing since. I'm concerned that she isn't grieving properly, I feel guilty that she didn't get to say goodbye to him, Dad's plan was to tell her it was terminal when he started to deteriorate, so that they could enjoy their time together without any upset. Unfortunately that happened so quickly even the hospice was shocked. He went in for pain control and died the next day. I keep reliving his final moments, especially when I go to bed.

It hurts to know that he will miss out on seeing my daughters achievements and seeing her grow up, they were so very close. 

I'm due to have a back operation today and I don't feel mentally ready, Dad was always there for me and I don't want to go through with the operation without his support. I know my husband and Mum will be there for me but Dad was always my rock and I'm so lost without him. I just wish he was there for me, to hold my hand like I did when he was ill. X

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    Hi Paula,

    I am so sorry to read about the loss of your dad. It's never easy but it must be even harder when it happened so fast. I have just lost my dad who lived in Canada but he had been ill for the last four years and was 93 years old although he didnt look it so I had time to prepare myself.

    Children often deal with grief better than us grown ups. The other thought is she may be hidding it from you as she doesnt want you to see how upset she is in case she incresses your worry.

    I am sending best wishes to you and hope your operation is a complete sucess. Take care, Brian.

  • Offline in reply to woodworm

    Thank you Brian for your kind thoughts.  Although I have the support of my husband, mum and close friends it's nice to know there is support from others who have been through the same, thank you. My mum is obviously going through her own grief and I don't want to burden her too much with mine (as you rightly say my daughter may be doing the same with me). In some ways she is a very mature 9 year old. In her short life this is now her 4 death that she has been through, my husbands mum and my nan died 6 months apart in 2011. The 4th death was that of her beloved hamster, and he was the one she cried the most for, I think simply because he was hers and she helped  look after him. When Dad died she said 'I coped with my hamster dying by doing normal things, that's how I want to cope with Grandpops going ' . A very mature attitude and I only wish I could sometimes be like that too. 

    I see from your post that you have been through a lot too. Not only are you dealing with your own battle but also the grief of losing your loved ones. My thoughts are with you and your family.

    Thank you for your kind thoughts regarding my operation. At the moment my pain level is really high, I'm trying to draw strength from Dad, it's really hard but I know my pain will increase if I get myself upset. I'm looking forward to seeing my daughter when she visits after school and of course my husband and Mum when they come too.

    Thank you again for being in contact Brian, take care.

    Paula

  • Offline in reply to Paulawool

    Hi Paulawool

    Sorry for the loss of your dad.

    I hope your operation goes well.

    Please come back and let us know how you are getting on as soon as you are feeling up to it.

    Best wishes to you and your family at this sad time.

    Jane

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