Hi Sharonscrivs,

It's difficult for me to find the words that would give you comfort following the loss of  your son, Ashley, which I can only feel must be devastating for you and your family/friends.  I do relate to your 'keeping busy' regime as it is the way I cope (lost  my husband in January this year) 'most of the time'.  Like you I have the mutual support of my family and friends but this forum allows me to get my feelings out (I joined during the time of my husband's cancer journey and it feels like a virtual family now).

There is so much formality to go through when we lose somebody and I felt like I was on autopilot for the first few months and to be honest think the grieving process gets slightly delayed because we are too busy to think (or it is too painful to allow that to happen).

I too relate to the crying  when alone (the release it brings gives some relief)  but a few weeks ago I found myself in a situation and I could  not hold back the tears (well it was more of an uncontrollable torrent).  At the time I was overwhelmed and pretty embarrassed but looking back  now it was if the bubble had burst and I was allowed to 'be me' and no longer hiding from the pain loss brings.  It was a 'release' which others around me totally understood  and had expected and it made me see that we cannot  control how the grief and hurting affects us - every single person deals with it in their own way.

I am sorry for the length of this reply but your post struck a chord and I hope you will find the forum a supportive place. Jules54