Missing Ashley

My son died last August of Melanoma. I have a great family and many friends who support me and keep me very busy . I am a very busy person and I believe that most people think because I am extremely busy that I am ok. Truth is only now am I beginning to miss Ashley so much, and only now that I am hurting. I am finding it hard to not show my emotion in front of people . I feel I have to keep my true feelings and the need to cry private. 

  • Hi Sharonscrivs

    So sorry for the loss of your son.

    You are not alone and I hope by coming here you will receive support and advice from others who have lost loved ones.

    If you would like to talk to our nurses about how you are feeling, you can call our helpline on: 0808 800 4040 from Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm,

     Best wishes

    Jane

  • Hi Sharonscrivs,

    It's difficult for me to find the words that would give you comfort following the loss of  your son, Ashley, which I can only feel must be devastating for you and your family/friends.  I do relate to your 'keeping busy' regime as it is the way I cope (lost  my husband in January this year) 'most of the time'.  Like you I have the mutual support of my family and friends but this forum allows me to get my feelings out (I joined during the time of my husband's cancer journey and it feels like a virtual family now).

    There is so much formality to go through when we lose somebody and I felt like I was on autopilot for the first few months and to be honest think the grieving process gets slightly delayed because we are too busy to think (or it is too painful to allow that to happen).

    I too relate to the crying  when alone (the release it brings gives some relief)  but a few weeks ago I found myself in a situation and I could  not hold back the tears (well it was more of an uncontrollable torrent).  At the time I was overwhelmed and pretty embarrassed but looking back  now it was if the bubble had burst and I was allowed to 'be me' and no longer hiding from the pain loss brings.  It was a 'release' which others around me totally understood  and had expected and it made me see that we cannot  control how the grief and hurting affects us - every single person deals with it in their own way.

    I am sorry for the length of this reply but your post struck a chord and I hope you will find the forum a supportive place. Jules54