Losing my mum

Im 23 years old, my mum was diagnosed with lung cancer in December 2014, 6weeks ago on the 5th September my world was destroyed as she passed away. When she was diagnosed it looked very positive as they were going to try and operate to remove the cancer and she had lots of options but the cancer was around one of the tubes of her heart which meant it was too risky to operate. They then started her on chemo for 4 weeks this didn't touch the cancer so they then tried radiotherapy- this didn't touch it either. They said it was more aggressive than they thought. Through all the treatment she had she always kept so positive and never let it stop her from doing the things she wanted but when we knew none of the treatment had done anything It started to get a bit scary as we knew her options were running out. Near the end of august she went to hospital because of a pain in her back, they kept her in as she shouldn't have had any pain but they said it was nothing to worry about and was probably the radiotherapy causing the pain and said she would be home as soon as the pain was managed. A week passed and she was still in hospital but she was still my cheery positive mum and looked so well we still didn't think this was the end yet, no one did. I then went on holiday on Tuesday 1st sept until 5th sept, I was wary about going but my mum wanted me to go and enjoy myself for a few days her last words to me were "I'm not going anywhere yet" I arrived back off holiday on the Saturday, I walked through the door expecting to drop my bags off and go straight to see her, and then my dad told me the worst news I could have ever imagined. Her (good) lung collapsed on the Friday morning which ment her bad lung couldn't survive on it's own and by Saturday she was gone, I didn't get to say my goodbye to her. I couldn't believe it I have never felt pain like it. I couldn't understand how she was waving me off on Monday from the hospital as well as she could've been and then she was gone. I feel like my world has fallen apart, it was always in the back of my mind but I never thought it would beat her, she was such a strong woman. I feel like my head is all over the place but I'm trying to keep as strong as I can for my dad when all I want to do is curl up in a ball and wish it was a bad dream.

  • Hi LucindaJade

    So sorry about the loss of your mum and the fact you were unable to say goodbye.

    I hope that you will find Cancer Chat a supportive place to come and write down your feelings and that others who have lost loved ones will be able to offer you some advice and reassurance.

    Best wishes to you and your family,

    Jane

  • Hi LucindaJade,

    You actually have no idea how incredibly a like our stories are! my mum passed on the 1st of Sep from Lung cancer and was in hospital for ten days before as she had pnuemonia!

    I am 21 years old and I am completely heartbroken, I had a holiday booked on the 2nd of sep with my boyfriend and my mum was like go home pack, chnage your money and everything and before I knew it i was getting called to rush back to hospital as she was dying, so for me my mum passed so I wouldn't have to worry and your mum told you to go because she wanted you to enjoy your time and not to worry. she chose to leave this earth in a happy way for you to remember. You were only saying goodbye to her body, her heart, and spirit lives on within you and your family.

    I won't tell you it gets easier because im waitin for that day to come as well. If you ever need to talk to someone who completely understand what you are going through feel free, because i know i need the same support right now.

    My condolences to you and your family.

    much love, kelly.

  • I am very sorry for your loss. I cried while reading your story because I know for sure your mom wanted you to go, even if it's so hard to have lost her so soon.

    1 month after my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer, I had a 2 weeks trip already planned. He told me I should go, and that he was not leaving. 

    The doctors reassured me that his body was strong enough and they expected him to be able to stay at least until this summer.

    Unfortunately they were wrong and the cancer went so fast, he left 2 weeks after I came back from overseas.

    It is hard not to feel mad at myself and that I could have had 2 weeks more with him.

    I send good thoughts to you and your dad. x