Cancer Research UK main site

Lost my mum today

EmmyR
Offline

Today my mum died. She battled breast cancer and won and a few months after she got the all clear we were told she had liver cancer. That was in December last year and in March this year we were told 2 months. I was in such denial she was ill I was just so angry at her. She had good days and bad and was in hospital for weeks then out for weeks. She got called into hospital 3 weeks ago after a blood test found she had kidney failure. She had a stent and was being kept in to monitor the progress and if went well she'd get a permanent one. Last week, second week of her being in, she seemed to get worse. She collapsed in the toilet and was struggling to breath. Yesterday she went down for her stent and they couldn't do it cause she couldn't breath and they found a infection all around her kidneys and her right lung collapsed as the cancer had spread.

We were all called in yesterday and it was heart breaking. She was on a oxygen mask and just didn't know what was going on. Eventually they gave her so much painkiller she just laid there and her breathing was so bad. Today at lunchtime my family and I decided we should remove the oxygen mask as the consultant told her it was just prolonging her death. Within not even a minute of taking it off she died. 

Her face is in my head, her eyes were open just looking at me. I couldn't even cry, my whole family were breaking down and I just couldn't cry. At first I felt happy, I knew she wasn't in pain any more. After trying to say goodbye that's when I broke down. Her eyes just staring at me, her mouth open covered in blood and her just not moving. One never felt pain like loosing my mum. I've taken her phone and I just keep reading her messages, looking at her photos or just holding her clothes. I don't know what to do. She was everything to me. We spoke every day and I've seen her every day since she was in hospital and now she's just laying there alone. 

I miss her so much. I've lost my mum at 28 and my children have lost their nan. I just want to hold her or phone her. Just hear her voice. I miss her so much I don't know how I'll get over this

 

  • Offline

    Sorry to say it really hurts down deep inside, I am still in that position, sorry again.

  • Offline in reply to Geordie9

    I lost my wife on 12/102016, I also feel for you as I am in deep depression, I loved my little wife very deeply, sorry again.........

  • Offline
    Emmy, I lost my Mum 2 years ago yesterday. I'm 47 and the baby of the family. I consider meself a tough bloke, but Mums passing has hurt me. I don't know if I can get over not being able to hug Mum, mow the lawn for Mum, sit down and just have a chat. My sisters phoned me yesterday to see how I was. These two girls are doing it tough . I was going to do a stupid thing. Mum would have given me a clip around the ear, or more. I typed in where are you Mum. And this is where I am now. Much of what you have gone through is ours too. Our Mother was and still is our world. One sweet Day. Thank you, my girl.
  • Offline in reply to Horto

    I lost my mum last week - I'm lost.  An orphan.  That unconditional love you only get from a parent has gone.  First my dad and now my mum.  I'm in my fifties yet feel like a little girl.  

     

  • Offline in reply to Taylor123
    My mum died 3 week ago with breast cancer , finding it very hard to to carry on and be a mother and wife ..
  • in reply to molly0110

    Hello molly0110,

    I'm so sorry to hear that your mum passed away three weeks ago. Please accept our condolences. 

    Sending our best wishes at this difficult time. 

    Renata
    Cancer Chat moderator

  • Offline

    Im so sorry you have lost your mom . One is never ready to lose a parent and it changes you forever . My only advise could be take it day at a time . Its a terrifying prospect thinking of them never being there again . Its all so raw right now and 12 years after losing my dad to lung cancer instill have moments of missing him incredibly . Im now diagnosed with breast cancer and im fighting my own battle and my biggest fear is leaving my son and the effect itvwill have on him . 

  • Offline
    I totally understand what you are going through. My dear mother who was my rock, my confidant and the one who kept it all together sadly passed away two years ago on may 17th 2015. My mam had been diagnosed with lung cancer back in February 2013 and although it was touch and go for a while, we finally got the all clear on the 1st of April 2015. Unfortunately a month later Mam started acting very strange and talking jibberish. I got Mam to the hospital on the Wednesday and by the Friday the doctor told myself and family that the cancer was back and had spread to her brain and that we could bring her home on the monday and make her comfortable for the last few weeks she had remaining. Trying to comprehend this was a great task within itself. Very sadly my Mam passed away on the Sunday, the day before she was due home on the monday. Mam was 61 I was 37. My world collapsed there and then!. I still struggle with life without her and like yourself, I would give anything to have her back. My son keeps me strong and shows me that I need to keep getting on with life, no matter how hard things seem. My Mam was a very strong individual and she has Instilled that in my son and I. I hope you find strength along your journey in life as I at times felt like giving up!. But my Mam would of put me in my place and told me to 'just get on with it!. Because that was Mams way.sounds harsh to some people but she was right. I hope you enjoy your life to the full and take your mam on your journey ( in spirit ) and make the most of it. Take care and let nothing stop you for being and doing who you are and what you are. Much love. Missy. Xxx
  • Offline in reply to missy324

    Hi Emma I am so so very sorry for your loss. My mum passed away this spring 17/3/17 and I totally understand how you feel. I was very close to her and like you, I feel such a void in my life. She had a brief battle with lung cancer. Docs said she had 18 months..she barely lasted 6. I remember the months before she died, I cared for, bathed and nursed her. It was so heartbreaking for the whole family....the night she died at the hospice my auntie was by her bedside and was inconsolable....it was almost 5 am in the morning and the birds were tweeting...i still dont like tbe sound of birds early in the morning as it brings back memories of my mum that night. I tell myself my mum is no longer in any pain..and that comforts me lot and helps tremendously. The previous lady said her mum was very strong and told her to "get on with it".. My mum was a bit like that... I remember her saying to me, "dont grieve forever when I pass away" and I know she would have wanted me to do something with my life instead of moping about. My mum always worked and never went on holidays much so when we went to Lanzarote recently my young son suggested bring a photo of nanny with us so she could enjoy tbe holiday too. My son keeps me strong and keeps me going. Its so hard losing a parent, give yourself time and be gentle..and try to look after yourself xxx

  • Offline in reply to Taylor123

    I lost my mum 2 years ago. It seems like yesterday! I lost my dad when I was 10 my mum became my world! We were always together she lived with me and was my mum and best friend! I am lost! My life was looking after her and now I have nothing' I come home from work and she isn't there! I love and miss her so much! i have never future

     

    when my mum was given end of life care I thought she would end her days as dignified and comfortable as possible! That didn't happen when the nurses turned her in the bed she screamed in pain. I asked the nurses to let me know when they were moving her and requested she was given something to ease the pain but they wld only administer pain relief when she indicated that she was in pain by that time it was too late! I wld go into the garden and put fingers in my ears as I cldnt bear to hear her crys of pain which will haunt me forever. I was so upset I asked the nurses not to move her any more. They were not happy. I cried to my mums gp who gave a prescription for a immediate acting pain relief As it was a drug it was not dispensed immediately and my beautiful mum passed away in pain. I so loved her but her end of life care will haunt me forever I feel like I let her down, I can't bear the thought of her being in the cemetery on her own as when she was at home with me she was frightened being on her own! I don't know where to turn, she had dementia and other problems but she was my life I'd happily look after her forever. Now I wish I was with her

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.