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Lost my mum today

EmmyR
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Today my mum died. She battled breast cancer and won and a few months after she got the all clear we were told she had liver cancer. That was in December last year and in March this year we were told 2 months. I was in such denial she was ill I was just so angry at her. She had good days and bad and was in hospital for weeks then out for weeks. She got called into hospital 3 weeks ago after a blood test found she had kidney failure. She had a stent and was being kept in to monitor the progress and if went well she'd get a permanent one. Last week, second week of her being in, she seemed to get worse. She collapsed in the toilet and was struggling to breath. Yesterday she went down for her stent and they couldn't do it cause she couldn't breath and they found a infection all around her kidneys and her right lung collapsed as the cancer had spread.

We were all called in yesterday and it was heart breaking. She was on a oxygen mask and just didn't know what was going on. Eventually they gave her so much painkiller she just laid there and her breathing was so bad. Today at lunchtime my family and I decided we should remove the oxygen mask as the consultant told her it was just prolonging her death. Within not even a minute of taking it off she died. 

Her face is in my head, her eyes were open just looking at me. I couldn't even cry, my whole family were breaking down and I just couldn't cry. At first I felt happy, I knew she wasn't in pain any more. After trying to say goodbye that's when I broke down. Her eyes just staring at me, her mouth open covered in blood and her just not moving. One never felt pain like loosing my mum. I've taken her phone and I just keep reading her messages, looking at her photos or just holding her clothes. I don't know what to do. She was everything to me. We spoke every day and I've seen her every day since she was in hospital and now she's just laying there alone. 

I miss her so much. I've lost my mum at 28 and my children have lost their nan. I just want to hold her or phone her. Just hear her voice. I miss her so much I don't know how I'll get over this

 

Parents
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    Emmy, I lost my Mum 2 years ago yesterday. I'm 47 and the baby of the family. I consider meself a tough bloke, but Mums passing has hurt me. I don't know if I can get over not being able to hug Mum, mow the lawn for Mum, sit down and just have a chat. My sisters phoned me yesterday to see how I was. These two girls are doing it tough . I was going to do a stupid thing. Mum would have given me a clip around the ear, or more. I typed in where are you Mum. And this is where I am now. Much of what you have gone through is ours too. Our Mother was and still is our world. One sweet Day. Thank you, my girl.
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    Emmy, I lost my Mum 2 years ago yesterday. I'm 47 and the baby of the family. I consider meself a tough bloke, but Mums passing has hurt me. I don't know if I can get over not being able to hug Mum, mow the lawn for Mum, sit down and just have a chat. My sisters phoned me yesterday to see how I was. These two girls are doing it tough . I was going to do a stupid thing. Mum would have given me a clip around the ear, or more. I typed in where are you Mum. And this is where I am now. Much of what you have gone through is ours too. Our Mother was and still is our world. One sweet Day. Thank you, my girl.
Children
  • Offline in reply to Horto

    I lost my mum last week - I'm lost.  An orphan.  That unconditional love you only get from a parent has gone.  First my dad and now my mum.  I'm in my fifties yet feel like a little girl.  

     

  • Offline in reply to Taylor123
    My mum died 3 week ago with breast cancer , finding it very hard to to carry on and be a mother and wife ..
  • in reply to molly0110

    Hello molly0110,

    I'm so sorry to hear that your mum passed away three weeks ago. Please accept our condolences. 

    Sending our best wishes at this difficult time. 

    Renata
    Cancer Chat moderator

  • Offline in reply to Taylor123

    I lost my mum 2 years ago. It seems like yesterday! I lost my dad when I was 10 my mum became my world! We were always together she lived with me and was my mum and best friend! I am lost! My life was looking after her and now I have nothing' I come home from work and she isn't there! I love and miss her so much! i have never future

     

    when my mum was given end of life care I thought she would end her days as dignified and comfortable as possible! That didn't happen when the nurses turned her in the bed she screamed in pain. I asked the nurses to let me know when they were moving her and requested she was given something to ease the pain but they wld only administer pain relief when she indicated that she was in pain by that time it was too late! I wld go into the garden and put fingers in my ears as I cldnt bear to hear her crys of pain which will haunt me forever. I was so upset I asked the nurses not to move her any more. They were not happy. I cried to my mums gp who gave a prescription for a immediate acting pain relief As it was a drug it was not dispensed immediately and my beautiful mum passed away in pain. I so loved her but her end of life care will haunt me forever I feel like I let her down, I can't bear the thought of her being in the cemetery on her own as when she was at home with me she was frightened being on her own! I don't know where to turn, she had dementia and other problems but she was my life I'd happily look after her forever. Now I wish I was with her

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