When I first registered on this forum at the end of April I never thought I would find myself still posting here. I didn't think for a moment that my posts would end up being in the loss part of the forum. 

It took 5 weeks of tests and scans to diagnose my handsome Neil with incurable lung cancer. 

It took 10 weeks for the cancer to steal him away from me after his diagnosis even though he was receiving chemo and radiotherapy and was booked for gamma knife treatment. 

That's  15 weeks from start to finish for this vile disease to steal my man from me and utterly wreck our lives. Our future. :(

His Soul soared free almost 4 weeks ago. To begin with I felt as though I was in a protective bubble with me on the inside and grief and pain on the outside.  Now that bubble has burst :(

I'm lucky that I have my lovely daughter and her wife close by and they are supporting me but when I'm alone these waves of grief just swallow me up. Im so afraid of facing the future without him.

He was my rock. My wing man. My life. Whatever we did we did it together and having to face the world without him is so difficult. I know that soon I will have to find work to support myself. He was the main bread winner. For 34 years he was proud to support me so I only had to do little nifnaf jobs for some spending money. I have had bereavement benefit awarded for a year and I have a small portion of his pension awarded to me but I know I need to earn a living myself now. 

Coping with having to face the world, earn a living and coping with the loss of my main man. My best friend is just so painful

Netty