I feel worse at the weekend

Hello again. My husband died 10 weeks ago &, although we were retired, I always seem to be more weepy & fed-up at the weekend. There seems to be a different atmosphere, maybe more people about because they're not at work & the sound of families in their gardens. Does anyone else feel like this?

  • Very much so!  I have never really understood it but I suppose it's because it is a family time. It isnt a good time to be on your own, whether its because you have lost someone close or because you don't feel too good because of illness and seeing and hearing happy families around you just reminds you of what life has thrown at you and what you have lost.  

    I do hope that as time goes on you will find it easier to cope.  With my vest wishes.I

  • Thank you, Pauline. I hope that, in time, things will improve. I have just read your 'About Me' notes & send you MY best wishes too. x

     

  • Hi Ange

    I know what you mean about the weekends. I lost my husband(best and only friend) June 4th. I find the weekends the emptiest . This monday has been pretty bad to. I get so tired of these feelings....I have my daughter  and son but I am a bit of an introvert. Since I always had my husband I never needed  to look for friendships. Now I find myself  looking to connect with some one.

    Angela

     

     

     

  • Hello Angela,

    Sorry about your loss. I actually had a better weekend just gone - my youngest sister-in-law came down to stay for a couple of days &. Although I'm not particularly religious, I have started going to my local village church - we didn't really know many people in the village & I figured it would be a good way to meet local people. I have been introduced to a lady in the village who lost her husband last year & it's nice to talk to someone who has been through the same situation.  Neighbours have also been very supportive. Do you have a job? I retired several years ago & have now joined the U3A, which is, essentially a social/hobbies club for retired/semi-retired people. I have not been to any meetings yet, but will do at some stage.

    Best wishes

    Ange 

  • Hi  Ange

    I am glad you had a better weekend. I don't have a job. Haven't worked outside the home for quite awhile. I am curently looking for one. I am also trying to sell my home since I need to down size. When I am not anxious I feel empty and sad. I think the anxiety is the worse and I don't suppose it will go away until all these things I have to do are completed. This makes me even more anxious. My family says one day at a time, thats easy to say when every moment of each day is not full of pain.

    Last night I got the idea to adopt a pet. I had to give up Monty (my chihuahua) because I couldnt care for my husband and him. Monty seem to reflect the pain and sadness the house was going through at the time. So know adopting is feeling like another dilema, since I don't want to transfer my pain into another living thing. sorry for this long post

    Best wishes

    Angela

     

     

     

     

  • When my dad died, my mum joined tthe local church's womens group and it really helped her.  She made some lovely friends and had a good time at their meetings and days out. You sound like you are doing all you can to help yourself and, given time, I think you will realise that you are stronger than you imagine,.  Take care, Ange. x

  • Angela,

     

    Is it really imperative that you sell your house at the moment? I think you're feeling enough stress at the moment & it's a well-known fact that bereavement & moving house are two of the most stressful things you can go through.

    Take care.

     

    Ange

     

  • Thanks Pauline,

    I'm going with a neighbour to visit a National Trust property tomorrow, have some old friends coming down on Friday & my sister will be staying for a night at the weekend. I DO believe keeping busy is the key.

    Ange

     

      

     

  • Hi Ange/Angela

    I am a little further along the 'lonesome road' having lost my dear hubby in January this year. I found it a bit harder when all the 'planning'/paperwork was completed and whilst  me and the kids/grand kids are mutually supportive the quietness indoors takes getting used to. I work 15 hrs a week and went back after a month's leave as I find it helps to have something to do with my time.  I am still taking things day to day but am beginning to find 'my way' and know its what my hubby would wish for me (does not always make it easy though). Last month i decided to try something I had never done before (needed a social outlet but did not fancy evening classes) and joined a ladies only gym and it helps give me somewhere to aim for on my days off and there is no pressure  to be superwoman just a good atmosphere and many of the ladies are happy for a natter before, during and after the 30min excerise routine. I have also always been a great walker (do not drive) so at weekends when I have no plans in place I spend a few hours out walking.  Also popping into the library (it has a coffee corner too) is a relaxing place to spend some time.

    I wish you both all the very best as we find our way forward. The forum has been of great support during the time I have spent here. Jules

  • Hi Jules,

    Yes the paperwork keeps me busy too! Probate came through at the end of last week & I spent a lot of time yesterday writing letters, filling in forms etc. I also have his car & motorbike to sell, although someone has taken that job off my hands - it will still be a relief when they're gone. Interesting that you say that things seemed to be harder once the paperwork was complete - I was anticipating that  I might be relieved then! 

    I am lucky in that I have very supportive family & friends, although they don't live that close, hence why I'm trying to build a social life here - we only moved to this area 6 years ago &  when you are married, as Angela said, you don't feel as much need to meet new people.

    I HAVE felt better the last few days, although I know that could change at any time. It is nice to have people on here who are going through/have gone through the same situation to 'chat' to.

    Best wishes to everyone.

    Ange