Hi, so sorry to hear your story. Elements of it I can totally relate to. My husband is 48 and 8 months after his diagnosis our 8yr old son and I are sitting waiting as his last few days are on us. One thing I've learnt is that there's a lot of truth in the saying that you can't please all of the people all of the time. Ask yourself what your mam would want you to do, what would you expect of your daughter if you were in her position? Like you I've had the hurtful remarks and the fallouts but at the end of the day you have to be a bit selfish sometimes. Do what feels right for you regardless of what others think. Life go on but be sure to accept whatever help people to offer. Good luck  xx

Hi Northernbird 

thank you so much for your reply, so sorry to hear bout your husband. How are you and your son holding up ? I know my mam would want me to see my little boy and truth be told if I was in the same position I would not want my son to sit and watch me suffer or struggle to take my last breath. I'm frightened and worried and know that' it's coming my mam is very very confused and a lot of the time does not know who I am. I have made peace with the fact that it isn't my mam sat there but a shell in agony and fed up and miserable, I hope that makes sense once again thanks for your reply take care xxx

Just a thought, but is it not possible to use the family room at the hospice and have your son with you? Fortunately I'm not far from the hospice but in you're situation in sure that the facilities could've made available, alternatively do you have any more empathetic family or close friends that can take their turn sitting with your mam and allowing you to have a day/night at home or a half way meet with your partner and child. Stay strong and be selfish. Thinking of you. Jo x

Hi Jo 

Once again thanks for your reply te hospice don't have a family room just a camp bed so I couldn't have him stay there. I'm actually staying at the family home not to far from hospice. Family are constantly with my mum she is never without visitors I'm just scared if I go see my little boy I will get slated but other family who live close have been having days out drinking days with their kids and everything xxx

Hi izz, I seriously can't believe what you're experiencing. I'd like to say that perhaps it's a reaction to the situation for the others but it seems very extreme! I can relate to what you're saying however, sometimes I think people forget who is the focus at this extremely sad time and I wonder if perhaps we worry too much about what others do or think. As harsh as it is life goes on and as you said earlier your mam would want you to be there for your son. Once again, be a little selfish, you're no good to anyone if you try and battle through on your own, your partner and child need you as much as you need them and between you you will find the strength to do the right thing. Look after yourself and what's important and as the saying goes 'don't sweat the small stuff'. As many of us know, life's too short and too precious. Jo x

Hi jo 

thank you so much for your kind words means so much to me. I'm came home yesterday after having pulled the doctor to one side and asking if it's ok I have my baby's funeral to attend Tuesday and will not miss that. How are you ? Xxx

I have just read your thread and just wanted to send you a huge virtual hug.  What  you are going through emotionally at the moment is just so difficult and highly unfair when you do not have your partner's support by your side. Northernbird has many wise words and I would not think you at all selfish for wanting to turn straight round and go home.  Having suffered a miscarriage myself (it was a very long time ago as I am 'getting on a bit') and at a time when only a month later I lost my dear father in law, I can relate to being pulled in many directions.  If you have previously had a good relationship with your aunty I would hope that you could find support with her too but sometimes, in the heat of the moment, words come out that are hurtful and I bet she wishes she had not said them either. As I am assuming you have come to be by your Mum's side once more please do what is right for you and your son and do not live later with regrets.

When my husband died some seven months ago I know there are members of the extended family and friends that wish they had visited/done things differently (and it made me sad the way they behaved) but now they may have regrets and Northernbird is right to say that life is too short for them. Your Mum would be so proud of how you have have been through so much and your own health and wellbeing and that of  your son and partner's needs are important too.  Take care Jules54

Hi all, so sorry for not having responded to your messages, unfortuntely my husband lost his fight on monday. My son (8yrs) is devasted. I've found that this whole journey has been a massive learning curve and i've also discovered that it doesnt matter what you do or how you do it, someone will always have something to say. But d'ya know what, it doesnt matter, whats important is how you feel and what you do to help yourself get through this. Although your mam hasnt left you yet you're still suffering a multiple bereavement. There are no right or wrong ways of dealing with this but just remember that support is out there even if its not from your family. Ride the storm how you feel is right and you will see the other side. My love and best wishes go out to you. Jo xx

Northern bird I am so sorry for your loss my deepest sympathy to you and your son may your partner rest in peace xxx