Hi Billy,

Sorry to read about the loss of your partner. Losing someone we love is always an emotional time and the mixed feeling you have are quite natural. I think we all feel that we could or should have done more at time like this, but the reality is where cancer is involved, there is often very little we can can do. It's this that makes us feel guilty. When I lost my mother over nine years ago I too felt like this and that I could have done more. We do as you have said feel a whole range of emotions and it makes us realize how powerful emotions can be.

As I am a lot further down the line I can tell you we do learn to live with our loss even though life will never be quite the same. Hope that just by writing down how you feel has helped.

Take care, sending best wishes and kind thoughts, Brian.

dear woodworm sorry to hear about your prostate, i am new here my mum died of ovarian cancer last december we did not know she had it until it was too late she only lasted three weeks in hospital before passing away, she was seventy four, four years ago 2011 she was diagnosed with breast cancer, but luckly they got a small lump out before it had spread, and we thought thank god for that, but i read people in that are in remmision must of the time cancer comes back, we do not know how long mum had this ovarian cancer but i know its called the silent killer, because you do not get any sysmptons untill it has advanced, the only sympton mum had was stomach bloating which many doctors mistake it for ibs, and they still have not found a early detection for it yet, when i read up about why ovarian cancer is called the silent killer it states by the time it gets detected it would have spread to the abdominal and most paitients die within five years, we have only just spread mums ashes on a garden of rememberance in the crem, i look at that advert which says one day we will beat cancer how long is this going to drag on for, it seems they have been showing that for years on tv and still do not seem to be getting away, i know alot of people will not donate to cancer, i wonder if this is why. good luck with your treatment woodworm.oggi

Hi Billy

Welcome to the forum though sorry for the reason you find yourself being here.  I lost my husband of 37 years six months ago (still cannot believe it was that long ago as sometimes it feels like yesterday).

I hope writing your feelings down has helped a little. I found it helped me through the early dark days of loss/emotions as I could talk freely here (often crying as I typed too) and the support I received by my virtual buddies helped me to understand that the grieving emotions are different for everyone and you cannot place a timescale to how to move forward.  I also wished I could know for certain that I had done everything I could have (self doubt kept me awake for many an hour and my sleeping pattern is still erratic).

  I decided in my own time and with the help of family, friends and lots of patience that my husband really did not want to suffer from his cancer any more, that the quality of his life was bringing him much sadness and frustration and though he was not a talkative man he he was 'tired of living' after almost three years on his incurable cancer journey.

  Our personal journies with this miserable disease are all different but this week after coping very much on a day to day basis I have taken a few new steps to build on the new life I must take forward. I do not expect it to be easy but I am sure its what my husband would have wanted for me.I will carry him with me in my heart and slowly the memories of our good life together are replacing the difficult thoughts that surrounded us for so long.  There are many here who will understand your thoughts and feelings and I hope more will come along so that you know that you have somewhere to share and that you can have virtual support as and when you wish it. Sending a virtual hug.Jules54