Hi Angela, welcome to the forum, but sorry for the reason you are here. My condolences on the loss of your dear husband. Your grief right now is so raw since your husband just died less than a week ago. Even though he was ill for three months, its' still a terrible shock when death happens. I know right now you feel like you will never recover from this loss, but take my word for it, you will recover, even though your life will never be the same. If, for right now, you only feel you can go on because of your son and daughter, then so be it. All three of you have lost a very important person in your lives and between all of you, you will help one another get through this. At some point, the three of you will start to heal and then you will be able to talk about all the good memories you have and that will bring you some comfort.

Come on to the forum and write your feelings down on here. That helps to heal some of the hurt. There are other people here on the forum who have lost a spouse and I'm sure they will respond very soon.

Take care of yourself and treasure the love you and he shared.

Lorraine 

Hi Lorraine, Thank you for your kind words. I have been reading the posts on this sight for a few days now and am in awe at  the courage  you and others have. I am sure that I will continue to find more and more comfort in these posts as time passes for me.

Angela

Hi Angela,
So sorry to see why you have joined this forum of lovely people.
As the wonderful Lorraine has stated everything is unbelievably raw for for you.  Things do change though.  Eventually you will last a whole day without tears, then maybe a few days.  It all takes time. One step at a time.
I lost my darling in Oct 2014 after a short period of illness.  Now 8 months on I can appreciate the good things in life. Life is not hunky dory don't get me wrong, but it's a lot better than it was for me Oct/Nov/Dec.
I think we just learn how to live with our loss and cope with it as time goes on and we get stronger.
You are fortunate to have children to help you through this period and to give you something to live for.  Angela, do they live with you or near you?
There are a lot of changes you will need to adapt to in the future but you will not be alone.  People here really do understand so I encourage you to rant, rave, bellyache whatever you need to do here.  There is usually someone on line.
Sending you a virtual hug,
Kathy xx
 

Hi Kathy

Thank you for your kindness. Yes they both live with me. My son just graduated (top five percent). My husband was in the hospital graduation day. I cryed all through the ceremony. I hurt for my husband, for my son and for my daughter who was sitting beside me watching me fall apart. She is 24 and I worry that she worries so much about me. She is the one who set me up on this chat room. 

I am scared about so many things.

Hi Angela,
It's good you have family around you.  Well done your boy for such great results.  What career path will he follow now?
Do you think it would help to share your fears with us?  I had lots of challenges as I am sure many of us have had/have and worked through them one at a time.
There is no time schedule we have to follow.  Everyone is different.  You have to do what is right for you whenever that point is.
Kathy xx
 

Hi Kathy

Thank you, He mentioned computers, his sister is studing computer science, but I dont think he is really sure. I told him to find something that will make him happy. His Father loved what he did and that gives me comfort. 

My greatest fear is any of us getting sick. I also fear facing every day with out my freind and partner. He spoiled me for a long time. He worked, I painted with out the pressure of having to make a real living. He was the driver and I contentedly  sat in the passenger seat.

Angela

Hi Angela,
I know what you mean.  I am in Oz so my only family is son, DIL and 2 grandkids.  Rest of family are in the UK and Ireland.  Thought about inviting my elderly in laws to move in with me but then thought sugar what would happen if my health failed.
I always knew hubby would look after me if I got sick and stand by me, never thought it would be the other way around.
We were content living in our little bubble of happiness til the wheels fell off.
Now I live for today, let tomorrow worry about itself.
I too was terribly pampered, I worked and he did the housework, shopping etc plus buy my clothes for me as I dislike retail therapy.  He also worked part time in latter years.  I had to learn how to use the vacuum and washing machine and need to walk the dog daily which I must admit is good for me.
I am fortunate I have wonderful friends.
It's was hard upon waking realising that everything was not just a nightmare but reality. But I believe he is close by me, watching over me giving me the proverbial boot up the aspidistra when required.
Don't know if you have read the poem under In Memory - only a whisper.  It is very beautiful and has given me comfort.
Kathy xx
 

Hi Angela

Just to add to the welcome you have already received I can echo the words of 'day to day'. I lost my husband of 37 years (best friend for 42 yrs) after his journey with cancer  in January this year and though we had lived with this diagnosis for nearly three years the loss still seemed too quick.Those first few weeks were awful and 'lost' is a very good way of describing it. I have two children and two grandchildren and am fortunate in the support we have given each other during this time.  Like Kathy has said going through the grieving process (you are still incredibly raw and fearful of what the future holds understandably as still in shock too that your husband has passed away) takes as long as it takes for the individual. Five months further forward than you are now, I am, I think, a different person, living in a different way but holding me together are the wonderful memories held in my heart.  Those you can take everywhere and slowly begin to cope slightly easier with the loss.

Do not be afraid to show your feelings to those around you, to ask for support through your grief and come to this wonderful forum, which has been my amazing companion for over 2 years. You will find much understanding here and a willingness to share. Jules54

Hi Kathy

I read the poem and it is beautiful, thank you. We have to take comfort where we can. I am not a religious person, but I do believe that the bonds that we forge in this world can not be for nothing. So he has to be out there some where, close.

Angela