Have just read your thread and my heart goes out to you. Kathy and Steve have given good responses.
No matter how long you are with someone you love, when they are 'lost' to you, even when you know the end is coming, that final goodbye is still a shock. The tears of grieve take their toll but as Kathy has said it is still very raw for you and early days to be coping alone. I lost hubby of 37 yrs (best friend for 42 ish) and knew for over three years that the cancer would take him away. It does not make it any easier to adjust to life alone and yes have shed tears (with others, alone and even talking/typing on here), it a natural release of our emotions. Take time to reflect, remember and be emotional when needed and when the time is right you will begin to move forward, step by step, day by day. Keeping busy helps and I have never had such a tidy house as I have in the past few months but when I sit and think I am beginning to draw on particualy happy memories as my personal coping mechanism and chatting on this forum has helped enormously as I know I am not the only one going through the pain of loss. Treat yourself with kindness. Regards Jules54
Hi I do try to keep busy spend a lot of time with family which makes it a bit easyer time alone is the worst plenty of walks with the dog . Night time is terrible couple of wines before bed don't help much as you say day at a time it still a struggle to look at photos just start the tears off again .trev.
Its still such early days following the loss of your loved one. They do say time is a healer and its just four months since my hubby died. We all handle grief differently and whilst I still shed tears occasionally, I now look at the photos round the house to remind me that the time we had together was precious and that hubby is now free from the discomfort (his word for pain) that the cancer brought into his life. Its not an easy journey but he is held in my heart always and no one can take that away. Wishing you a peaceful weekend.Jules
spent time with family over the weekend how do you cope when you return to empty house still cant seem to beleave thats shes not hear.must still be very had for you knowing each other for so long we had 18 great years togetter five of which where fighting that horrid decease. i still dont no how im going to cope with out her just taking day at a time but not getting any easyer . trev
Tried to post a reply but link lost (not sure why as internet is fine at the moment hey ho). I am glad you enjoyed family time at the weekend. I too have family plans but for next Saturday. I have both children and grandchildren coming for lunch as well as hubby's sister in law. She has not been seen the funeral as she and her other brother and his wife moved to the Isle of Man a couple of weeks before hubby's death. She must be finding it hard to comes to terms with it all as they moved in December but last saw him at the end of November when he travelled to see them to say goodbye and good luck. Time with family is such a comfort.
As to coming home to an empty house I personally feel okay with this as its where we built a life together (we only ever lived here) and its where I feel the closest to my hubby and the memories. I am not sure if it makes a difference in that when he worked he travelled on business away from home, sometimes for weeks at a time and so I have been used to my own company in the past. I think it is more likely that he was, in the last weeks of his life, very weary, fed up with not being able to enjoy food and hated the 'fuss' as he called it of having to rely on others. He was a quiet man (did not like talking about his illness which is what brought me to the forum initially) and told me that he did not fear death - heartbreaking at the time but strangely reassuring in grief.
I do have wobbly days, tears still come and go but this, I feel, is part of the grieving process and it takes the time it takes. You cannot rush back into normality at a flick of a switch but the coping day to day seems to work for me. I am slowly getting used to facing things on my own but am glad of my support network (real and virtual) and in turn am trying to support my children who are also grieving for their Dad (they are adults and my daughter and son in law have their own difficulties in explaining it all to a very 'on the ball' six year old). I welcome company but also crave my own space for reflection. The grieving process is a very personal for each one of those affected but no one can take away the memories made and my hubby would hopefully approve of my slow progress forward.
Tried to post a reply but link lost (not sure why as internet is fine at the moment hey ho). I am glad you enjoyed family time at the weekend. I too have family plans but for next Saturday. I have both children and grandchildren coming for lunch as well as hubby's sister in law. She has not been seen the funeral as she and her other brother and his wife moved to the Isle of Man a couple of weeks before hubby's death. She must be finding it hard to comes to terms with it all as they moved in December but last saw him at the end of November when he travelled to see them to say goodbye and good luck. Time with family is such a comfort.
As to coming home to an empty house I personally feel okay with this as its where we built a life together (we only ever lived here) and its where I feel the closest to my hubby and the memories. I am not sure if it makes a difference in that when he worked he travelled on business away from home, sometimes for weeks at a time and so I have been used to my own company in the past. I think it is more likely that he was, in the last weeks of his life, very weary, fed up with not being able to enjoy food and hated the 'fuss' as he called it of having to rely on others. He was a quiet man (did not like talking about his illness which is what brought me to the forum initially) and told me that he did not fear death - heartbreaking at the time but strangely reassuring in grief.
I do have wobbly days, tears still come and go but this, I feel, is part of the grieving process and it takes the time it takes. You cannot rush back into normality at a flick of a switch but the coping day to day seems to work for me. I am slowly getting used to facing things on my own but am glad of my support network (real and virtual) and in turn am trying to support my children who are also grieving for their Dad (they are adults and my daughter and son in law have their own difficulties in explaining it all to a very 'on the ball' six year old). I welcome company but also crave my own space for reflection. The grieving process is a very personal for each one of those affected but no one can take away the memories made and my hubby would hopefully approve of my slow progress forward.
