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How do I move on?

Will
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Hi everyone, 

I don't know why i've decided to post now, having lost my dad on 20 May 2013 but I feel like i need to. He passed away having suffered with Acute Myeloid Leukaemia for 8 months having been diagnosed at the end of August 2012. It was made worse by the fact that his dad had died, of the same thing, aged 59 when he was 23. When he turned 49 and my brother was 13, he realised the gaes would be the same and said that he would die at 59. We all said that he was wrong and being idiotic but he was diagnosed at 58 and did then pass away aged 59, luckily my brother having turned 24 by that point, so not exactly the same. 

I'm now 22, having lost dad at 20 and the 2 year anniversary is coming up shortly, and I don't know how to move on, I just can't, I went travelling for 3 months at the end of january and only got back this week and thought it would help me but it hasn't, I need to move on and get on with my life while remembering the positives but all I ever see when I think of him is the look on his face when he died, and i don't know how to budge it. I was just looking for some advice on hown people have done it and how you can make the memory more positive, as i know we had such great times and we were so close, he was always my rock but i can no longer see any of those memories as I can't get past the negatives! 

Any words of advice would be incredible, and really appreciated!

Will

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    Hello Will,

    I think in coming to this forum and reaching out to others, you have made an important step that will hopefully help you a little.

    There is a section on our site which is about Coping with Grief which I recommend you read as it will tell you more about the different stages involved in the grieving process. Grief is a very personal thing and there is no right or wrong way to react.

    You will meet others here who have also lost a parent and they can really understand how you are feeling. So I will stop talking now and will let them come and say hello!

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

     

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    Hi Will. I b was sorry to read about your loss.  Dad's can't be replaced - but be assured he is proud of you and will always watch over you. I faced the same and found it very hard.  I took up running and went out most days.  That really helped.  I also decided to learn a new sport - I chose wind surfing - that really helped cos every time I was thinking of pop - I fell off the board and into the water. I also took up sailing.  These new sports slowly changed my way of thinking and healed me. They best was the surfing asi met a whole lot of people- really different from my friends.

    Cheers

    steve

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    Hi, Will, I don't think you ever get over losing your father, but you do learn to live with the loss.  My husband died 30 years ago when my children were very young and they still miss him now, always remembering his birthday etc, when they achieve something good in life they always attribute it to him (never me. :-) .  It doesnt matter how old or how long ago that your loss is you will still have times when you feel you cant cope.

    Your dad would want you to have a good life,. I suspect having just got back after 3 months it has bought all the memories flooding back.  Try to immerse yourself in building your life now and build some good memories of your own.  My best wishes to you, Will. 

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    Hello Will, 

    I am so sorry to hear of your loss, I lost my mum in sept 2012 and have only just posted on here so in a situation like you. I'm 35 but lost my dad just before my 25th birthday, he had heart problems and I ended up taking him to appointments as mum had to keep her job to pay the bills. Mum got diagnosed in 2012 with lung cancer and passed away 6 months later. My world changed so much as I now face the world with no parents. Shorthly aft losing mum I lost my grandad to so had two very special people to grieve over.

    I know exactly how you feel and where you are coming from.

    I hope you have had a wonderful 3 months away. It is hard to know where to start but just try to look at one day at a time. If you have things that you have always wanted to do or  friends to see, do it. I wrote down a few things that I wanted to do and did them, then wrote  in a letter to mum what I had done. It was my way of coping at the time as I hated not telling her everything. I don't know if it will work for you.

    I have also got a keepsake box with a few special items in.

    I really hope you start to feel more positive and we all help you on here.

    Take care, best wishes and let me know how youu are.

    Gill

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