Hi.... I wrote on here in the couple of weeks after my dad passed away to lung cancer on dec 23rd... And had a lovely response from people, which was a comfort at the time. Especially when lying in bed at night, mind racing, not being able to sleep. Well I've had to wait a long time but my dad's funeral is on Thursday and I'm absolutely dreading it, naturally. Thing is literally all day I've had heart palpations and feelings of sickness. I know there's nothing anyone can say on this really but just wanted to post something anyway. Think I'm still, even though it was a month last Friday, in shock. Sometimes I feel like I literally can not get my head around the fact that he's gone... Some people tell me that a new stage of grief begins once the funeral had been and gone, and because I've had so long to wait for it this probably hasn't helped. Just want my lovely dad back. He was only diagnosed on 14th October... And died two months later. In a way, if he was never going to get better from it, I'm glad that it wasn't prolonged for him. All everyone keeps saying is that he's with me (one of his last words to me was that he will always be with me) so I'm constantly looking for signs that he's with me. I have a 'feather incident' whereby a feather just appeared in the top of my phone case, whilst I was lying in bed crying trying to choose hymns for his funeral! I like to think that had something to do with him, but who knows!?
Anyway, if anyone feels a connection with anything I've written, think I'm going to be up for a while unfortunately!
Laura x
Hi Laura. I am so sorry to hear of your Dad's passing, it must have been an awful shock for you and your family. It has really been a long time until you can say goodbye at his funeral and the wait must have been very hard for you. I too am a bit of a night person when I have things on my mind. - the cancer journey is a hard one for all involved, isn't it? X
Sometimes its difficult to put into words how we feel at these times. I too am grieiving(lost husband nearly a month ago now) and whilst we have had celebration of his life, due to administrative errors at registration of death (GP/Registrar at fault) we have has yet been unable to say a final goodbye. At the service I let the emotions take their natural course and believe me I was not, nor will you be, the only one feeling bereft. In a similar incident to the 'feather', two days before my husband died a butterfly came into his bedroom and it comforted him then and me now as it feels like there is a link. Like the lovely Max says there is nothing easy about cancer or any loved one's passing but do come and chat as and when you need.Jules
Hi Max and Jules, thanks for your replies. I am so sorry to hear of your loss of your husband:( yes butterflies are also a sign so I've been told and read. I seem to be searching for signs as I said. Think I need to stop looking!
Max, I must have nodded off before you replied!.. now up getting little girl ready for school. You're completely right.. Nothing is easy about the journey. Have you lost someone recently too?
I fell down the stairs on the morning that my dad died.... Basically id been with him in the hospital from the Thursday, where he said some really precious things and he last things he ever said.. He then went into final stage and was shutting down... I stayed in the hospital until the following Monday, but my little girl (6) was becoming quite distressed back at home, she'd been staying with partners parents... So because there had been no changes in breathing for days I thought I must spend one night at home with and really didn't think there would be any change until I returned in the morning. Well my partner stayed at hospital. At 4am I heard a knock at door.. I flew down the stairs and landed at the bottom.. I vaguely remember my daughter at the top of the stairs and Marc shouting through the door asking if I was ok. I managed to get to the door to unlock it and in my confusion asked what he was doing back.. He didn't have to say anything. I then had an ambulance called out and went to hospital (a different hospital to my dad due to area we live!) and broke my 5th metatarsal! Some as well as my poor dad passing away I was in and out of hospital having casts on and then christmas 2 days later. Was a very weird time, honestly don't know how we got through it but we did. The funeral was the first thing I thought of on waking, as usual... After that lovely second of not remembering anything! And my whole body is full of anxiety again. Am dreading trying to tonight that's for sure! Will have to try to do some nice relaxing things before bed, everything's such a hassle with this broken foot tho! I have to try and laugh at the situation as best I can!
Max, apologies, i should have read your profile before asking if you'd lost someone. I'm really so sorry, it's brought me to tears to be honest. How are you coping?
Hi Laura, I remember your post from earlier in January. I'm glad you found some comfort in posting on the forum and the support of virtual friends.
Thursday will be such an emotional day for you all, I'll be thinking of you. As Max said, it's been such a long time for you to wait to say your goodbyes to your dad. How's your little girl? I remember she wanted to say her goodbyes in her own special way. Take care, Laura and post anytime (though I'm not the night owl that some of the others are, so it may be the next morning you hear from me. ) Jo xx
Hi Jo,
She's doing amazingly.. Kids are just amazing in general aren't they.. She'll be busy doing something and then wil then ask a question about grandad, I'll give an answer and she'll go back to what she was doing.. So obviously on her mind but she's handling it very well. She's still not coming to the funeral.. Her mind hasn't changed about that, which I'm pleased about.. We're going to take her up to the crematorium at the weekend.. It has some lovely peaceful gardens there.. And let a dove off with her. Just got to get through tomorrow first. :/
Yes this is a great forum.. It's so good to speak to people who know exactly how you feel. I've recommended it as a coping strategy to another friend who's close family member has cancer and her chemo isn't working.
Speak again soon x
Hi Laura, will be thinking of you on Thursday. Some folk say after the funeral you can move on. It will start another stage for you. You are not alone. Kathy xx
Just wanted to let you know I will be thinking of you tomorrow. We have had celebration of life for hubby but due to 'paperwork issues' were unable to have closure. Legalities rectified today so now have to move forward again. Am sure you will have plenty of family/friends support with you but the forum is always open as and when you need a chat. Take care of your foot which I imagine must be pretty sore. Hugs Jules
Hello everyone,
Just thought I'd let you know that we got through the funeral.. I was overwhelmed with the amount of people there. It was so so sad but there was an underlying feeling from everyone that he would have been proud. He went into his favourite Beatles song and we left to Iz's version of over the rainbow. The tributes were just amazingly read and people had come from far and wide. We all then went outside and my partner said a poem and released a dove. It was then I looked around at people's faces.. There were so many I didn't know. He had asked for an obituary to be put in the local paper and his home town's too. It was good to hear stories from people who knew him when he was young and I felt honoured they taken the time to travel all the way to be there. Feeling a mix of emotions now.. Still feel proud that his send off went so perfectly, but so sad that it's over now and I've said my final goodbye. Thanks for the messages xx
