Hi Paul,

I've been through similar, When my mum past away in 2009 I was in limbo so to speak. I kept on like normal and I didn't want to stop really because when you stop you start thinking and thinking and thinking some more. 

It will take time to come to terms with that happened, we all process things in different ways, different time scales and there is no right or wrong way.

There's no need to feel guilty about socialising with brothers and sisters, it's a double edge sword really of shall we ask or shall we not, how would he feel, reaction and so on. When you do go out and you feel guilty of doing so think to yourself 'I'm taking steps to feeling not guilty' which I think is what you want from what you have written.

I found that when I went to bed and I was trying to go to sleep it was difficult, I coped by basically letting it all out, I would cry I would put my headphones in and blast my music in an attempt to drown the thoughts out but in the end they will be there until we give our mind time to process what's happened.

You could write your thought's in a diary, call a friend (they really wouldn't mind because they're your friend and you would do the same for them) or talk to your family. 

I used to think like you that I was being too much for family, friends or others around me but people really don't mind.

Take Care x

Hi there,

Thank you for your kind words, it is still tough even now, but i have had lots of advice from this forum, the Bereavment meetings i go to, and especially Kathy who has helped me so much, it is so nice to have people such as yourself take time out to help people like me, i'm the chap who is going to take a bit longer than most.

It still dosen't feel right, I know I will get there, because I have come along way already, I think I must learn to cope with my loss first then progress from there, It is hard to talk to family, it's not that i don't want to, I just feel they don't understand, they do change the subject quite often, so I switch off after that. When we go out together, there is always their other half there, It might sound selfish but that gets to me a little.

This is where i am getting the most help, form the people who have experienced the heartache, and suffered the loss, which no one can ever forsee, or even prepare for.

I do write in my diary every day, which i have only just started, it is helping I think, dont have many friends as Dawn and i had each other, we did go out alot but just enjoyed each other's company, Having spent twenty two years in the Royal Navy we where seperated for long periods at a time, so we where trying to catch up i surpose.

I have my liitle diamond, she is Sheba, a Siberian Husky cross, she is so good for me at this moment, makes me laugh and wants lots of cuddles, sometimes i dont think i know how luck i am.

thank you for your concern

Kind regards Paul

Hi Paul,
Have done it again, lost another message to you, my error grrr.
Having a ball with family, lots of cuppas around kitchen table, and many laughs.

Have you done Shebas homework?
So nice to hear you spent time with your brother.  Sorry to hear he lost his job, but one door closes another one opens. I am confident the next job he finds will be better for him, may provide a better work/life balance.
Packing tomorrow for trip away for wedding.  Hope I remember to take the wedding rings !!!
We are all partaking of the liver cleansing diet as one sis has liver issues, but really it's just about healthy eating.  The main thing is we are all showing our support for her and avoiding putting temptation in her way.  I am just so rapt she was able to travel.
Must head to bed, after midnight
Let's see if I can save this communication.
Best wishes
Kathy x
 

Hi there Kathy, thank you for taking time out to reply, it is very kind of you. So glad your family arrived safely and you are all together and now seem to be having the time of your life, you have a wonderful family.

It is so wonderful of you all to take in consideration your sister's liver issues, is it a cureable/controlled issue, hope she is OK and its great it has not stopped her getting out to you. What a brave family you all are.

Your wedding day is going to be excellent, i'm sure of that, you and your family will make  it a very special day. There is one thing the Scottish know, and that is how to celebrate, had a few nights in Glasgow and wow wasnt i ill the few days following, had to bail out before everyone else, just could'nt keep going like they did.

Sheba and i are training daily, she is coming on fine in the house and garden, but once we are out in the field, then thats another story, still keep calm and carry on.

I do feel really sorry for Clive (younger brother) and feel bad because there is nothing i can do to help, I actually got him that job in the late 90's, but now feel terrible because i have no influence to enable me to help now.  

Have a fantastic Wedding day, 

Take great care of yourself and your family, 

Kind regards Paul x x

Hi Paul,
Where do I begin???  What a wonderful wedding day.  Everything went like clockwork, weather good, little and big kids behaved.
The day was made so supersonic by mum and sisters being there.  I was too busy doing the mother of groom duties and checking the family were ok to feel maudlin.
I had a wobble when long time friend encouraged me to speak of hubby in my speech and knew I just couldn't do it and hold it together.  This time on my wobble had family with me to support me, rub my arm, allow me to compose myself and get on with it.
Speech was short, humorous - well when you sound like Mrs Doubtfire how can you fail.....??? And heartfelt.  The kids know how much I love them but it's nice to acknowledge it in public.
We travelled back home this avo, dog and cat pleased to see us, neighbour looked after them well.  So many things I have to be thankful for, I am so lucky.
Sister doing well eating healthily.  Hopefully liver issue is treatable.  She will email her doc for latest results tomorrow so that maybe a tense period as we all know, waiting on them coming through.  Let's think positive in the meantime.  She missed the 6 nation rugby matches as we were away so has booked TV and no interruptions for next Sunday avo!!!
I am sure just by being there for Clive to talk, to you are being of great support.  One door closes, another one opens...
Rest of family headed off to bed to I will need to follow suite as the old eyes getting heavy.
Glad Sheba doing so well with training.  She is a good girl.
Take care Paul, look after yourself.
Kathy x



 

Hi Kathy, I am so happy for you, and deep down inside i knew it would go exactly how you wanted it to go, and well done to you, for what sounded to be a very emotional speech, but i'm sure everyone was so proud of you, as am I. What wonderful family and friends you have around you, giving you the courage to help you through. It was only right to include Hubby, he must have had such a wonderful smile on his face, bet he had a tear himself.

Sincerley hope your sister gets the positive results she so truley deserves, you are part af an amazing family, bet your mother is so proud of you all.

You are right about Clive he is a very capable chap, and i'm sure will find work very soon, lets just hope he's in employment soon, don't want him getting too worried.

Sheba is an amazing little girl, catching on quick, and was really good in our second training session, but the lady who in charge of the dog training is very good at getting the necessary point over to everyone.

Had a bit of a wobble myself, but more of a drunken wobble, let my emotions get the better of me after a few beer, so iv'e been off the booze for the last couple of days, I do think i am getting more positive, but do feel sometimes it is a bit disrespectful to Dawn when I'm getting on with my life, just does'nt seem or feel right, but I will progress.

Thank you for returning to our chat so soon after your amazing days with your family on such a special occasion

Going to have a go at profriteroles when I have little George on thursday, he just can't understand where all the sugar, flour, butter disappears to while mixing, is exspressions are amazing, lets hope he likes the resulting taste.

Take great care of yourself and I know its without saying you will take care of everyone around you.

Kind regards Paul x

Hi Paul,
How did the profiteroles turn out?  How did George enjoy the baking experience?
I continue to enjoy time with the family, they reduce me to tears of laughter and make me belly laugh.  
The other morning one sis left to walk Dice and upon her return stated " how could you let me go out with one trouser leg up and one down?" .  " oh yes " I replied, "noticed that earlier...." ( but neglected to let her know).
Today we visited Adelaide museum and that was both pleasant and educational.  Tomorrow son and family are visiting plus sis in law and hubby.  I am serving home made pizzas for lunch so will do all my prep before anyone arrives.
Today the girls and I planted spring bulbs and turned over the veggie plot in preparation for planting winter veggies.
It is autumn here and the girls laughed to see me in winter clothes tonight with a scarf around my neck.  They of course , are still in tee shirts.  Temp down to 10 overnight brrr.
Sorry to read you had a bit of a wobble, but it's all normal Paul, but I am happy to see you are sounding more positive and that is a good thing.  Not long till May now and your sky dive.  The time will pass quickly.
Did you see the eclipse today?  We watched it on line on a show with Brian Cox and Dara o Briain.
How is Sheba?  She sounds a bright girl.
I am enjoying spoiling my family and giving the girls heaps of cheek.  The house will be quiet when they leave, but I am thankful they are here and this visit will give me great memories to sustain me till I visit them for mums 90th in 2017.  My youngest sister plans on coming for a visit in Sept 2016 so once again I have much to look forward to.
Well Paul its after midnight so must make tracks to the land of Nod. The next few days will be busy with visitors coming and rugby will be televised on Sunday avo here.  Will you watch all 3 matches?
Off to bed.
Take care,  big hugs
Kathy x

Hi Kathy, thank you for your reply, i have reaaly missed our chats these last few days, but it sounds like you are having a great time and quite rightly so, sounds such fun.

Believe it or not the profiteroles where actually edible, George had a few, so did I and Mark had a couple and took some home for Nicola (daughter-in-law) and Henry, geaorge loved mixing the cream and watching the chocolate melt, but he had to get his fingers in the bowl once it had cooled to finish off the remains, but all in all not bad. Next its a cream tea, scones, so we shall see how that goes.

Sheba is coming on lovely, we are off training in the next half hour, but she is so good for me and she does make me laugh. We where on the fields as the eclipes happened, i had my welding goggles with me so i kept having a look as it passed over, don't think Sheba got too excited about it.

It does sound great you are having such a wonderful time, you sound such a close and have a lot of respect for each other, even though you do let each other walk out looking a bit silly, "you cheeky monkey" oopps sorry, but its great you all have the same sence of humour, and can have a good laugh about those little things, wished my family where like that, everything always seem so serious. Truely hope your sister got those positive results.

Yes you are right May will soon be with us, but got some advice from one of the ladies at the hospice, she said "watch out for that first step, its a big one" she had this cheeky smile so I was expecting something like that, two of my sisters said they would try to come and watch so that will be nice if someone is there.

We have had a couple of nice days here but it will put a smile on lots of poeples faces when it warms up properly, going to get the garden tidied up and get a few out side jobe done, plus it will be nice not to wear a big coat to go out.

Going to sit and watch the rugby, when i get back from Sheba's training, think Ireland are a good side and France are a tough side, But England know what as to be done so Scotland could do England a big favour, we shall have to see.

I know how important your family are to you, but i am so greatful for you taking tme out to chat, thank you

Take care, have a fabulous time. 

Kind regards Paul x

Hi Paul,
Great to hear from you and all your news.  Family off to bed.
Another beaut day with son and family visiting plus others. DIL is so happy being married.
 Was awoken at 4 am by call from brother in Scotland. Grrrr. All good, he is just a bit hair brained.
Have prepared for cooler weather with a big blanket on top of duvet.  Don't like the cold - she says , 17 degrees at present.  Such a big woose I am.
Your profiteroles sound delish.  Where on earth did you learn to bake like this??  
Having great fun sitting in kitchen with mum  chatting while big girls (oops sisters ) watch TV, but gee they watch some rubbish. Tomorrow we are joining a group of mates for a birthday breakfast.  Mum says she has never gone out for breakfast before.  I could certainly lead her astray given more time......  
She told me last night Dad would be so proud of me.  He passed away 28 yrs ago, but he is never far from our thoughts.  Both he and Mum have made me the person I am today.
I think it is providing comfort to her seeing how I am doing so when she returns home she won't worry about me so much.  She does ask me to stop bustling around so much but with a household of 4 compared to 1 there are always dishes to be done or a cuppa to be made and I can't sit on my aspidistra while jobs to be done are waiting.  I would much rather do them then sit and relax.
Sis still waiting for tests results and will follow up on Mon, but she is doing the right things, eating sensibly and looking after herself.  She will go home with a bit of a tan although has not sunbathed.  To be honest, you would be mad if you do nowadays.  The colour she has got is by gardening with me in the shade.
Such wonderful news your sisters may watch you skyjump.  Please let me know when you are safe again.  I really think you are so brave to do this as I have difficulty getting on a step ladder to change a light globe.  Probably because I am vertically challenged - polite way of saying I am a short ***.
I think I have only two more days with family before they leave even though they are here for 6 more days we have a lot planned for 4 of those days.
Ok Paul, falling asleep at computer, so will hit the hay now, (if Dice lets me/in bed on bed,



Beth wishes,

Kathy xx

Hi Kathy, it does sound that you are having a wonderful time with your family, you are going to miss them very much when they go home, it's not nice when you have had such a great time with each other. Your mother went through what you are going through now, what a strong lady she must be and as you say this is where you have your strength from your mother and father, she must still miss him, letting you know he would be proud of, proves she always thinks of him, wow what and amazing family you all are, Our loved ones memory will never fade, they will always be there.

Iv'e been reading text off Dawns phone this morning, (still keep it charged, Just in case) as Dawn is in hospital ready to go down for her operation, i hade an hour with her before her op, then got a text as i got home "they have come to take me down" i went ot the hospital and she came out of recovery at 2:30pm and she was wheeled passed us but still managed to give me a wonderful smile and a wave. i'm off to the hospital to be there for 2:30 just to sit there in the same place, i did it last year and i think it helped. Just wish things could have turned out a little better.

Sheba had another good training day, she just loves new tricks and just loves training, so its good for me too. Going to take her out now before i go to the hospital.

Kathy you are an amazing person, and about the skydive, dont run yourself down, you could do it, i feel you could do anything, and you know what they say about small poeple (Dawn was only 5ft 2in) they are the all thoughtful, always thinkng of others, so polite and gentle.

Sheba is getting a little restless, she has just run in anout the house at some speed, think she is saying "if not taking me for a run, i will amuse myself" she is making me feel guilty now.

Keep having a wonderful time, as if you need me to tell you that, sorry, but you know what i mean we do have to enjoy every minute,  ( it is still hard at times even though i do understand)

Take great care of yourself Kathy, and thank you for keeping in contact, you are helping me more than you know, thank you.

Knid regards Paul x x

Hi Paul,
Me again... Farewelled the family off tonight.  What a great time we have had.  Mum talking about coming back next year with my little sis.  She is utterly amazing.  We were asked to transfer from a general wheelchair to an airline wheelchair so I offered her my arm... No way she stated, preferring to take the arm of a 20 something male attendants.!!  She said he was better looking!!
Big sis has another blood test at her GP's on Monday morn for liver issues.  She feels fine she says.  She has been very good eating sensibly, a lot of salads, avocado, turmeric, rice milk, fresh fruit etc.  we are very proud of her efforts.  Dog will be disappointed as tomorrow he will have to wait until I am ready to walk him.  It will be in the am but not until I have had my 3 coffees.
My son brought me home from airport tonight, upon entering the house I noticed front room light bulb has gone.  He will replace on next visit as I have a raked ceiling which involves a really long ladder and better to do in daylight.  It's not an issue as I usually use a lamp in that room so main light not required.
Getting so cold here, down to 10 overnight, but warmer days forecast for next week woo hoo.
We have had the grandkids for 2 sleepovers in the past 8 days - making every minute count, and what joy.  Little kids are so honest.  I am booked to go to their place and sleepover mid April and it will be easier at their place.   Will get a friend to pet sit here for that night.
DIL has set up Skype for myself and family, she is so good.
Took the folks up to visit the inlaws yesterday which was pleasant.  I took up 2 stools, tool bag in prep to do their weeding to find they had had a fella out the day before to spray with weedkiller.  I chose not to use weedkiller but was quite prepared to manually remove.  It's all good though, not a drama.  They probably thought I wouldn't have had the time.
I can fully understand you keeping Dawns mobile still going.  Hubbys is still connected with his voicemail message still there.  One day I will cancel it but not yet.
How did you fare sitting at the hospital at 2.30?  You have to do what is right for you Paul.  Whatever gives you comfort.  There is no text book schedule we have to follow.  Whatever you need/want to do just do it.
How is the girl Sheba?  Bet you she will be looking forward to the better weather coming in.
Must say at the airport tonight it was disconcerting seeing ladies my age with their partners, lucky them.  I felt like telling them to love them and appreciate them as much as they can because as we both know that togetherness can be ripped from you with little or no warning.  Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved.
Anyway enough of my bellyaching... Have a handyman coming out Monday for some minor maintenance jobs.  Will get my gutters cleaned before winter rains, oh goody more rainwater for my tanks.  I have capacity to store a lot in prep for next summer.  Plan to dig a trench around mandarin tree, but no one has told it it is meant to be a miniature tree, maybe just needs a good prune but as it flowers and fruits most of the year unsure when is best to do.  
Have the wheelchair and showerchair I hired  for mum being picked up tomorrow avo and will spend rest of day in the garden working.
Well Paul it's almost 3 am here so will get the lad outside for last visit and head off to bed.  The folks may text me from Dubai to let me know they are there safely.  Don't forget to change your clocks!
Take care
Kathy xx
 

Hi Kathy,

I am so glad you all had a fantasic time together in what will now seem a short time, your mother is one hell of an amazing lady, good on her to plan a return very soon, and i can see where you get your sence of humour from, quite right she wants help from a young charmer.

Its not so easy to eat sensibly so as you say your sister is doing really well to keep in good health.

Little George had a easter hat parade on thursday, with a prize for best hat, HE WON, he seemed so embarressed, but his mother was more excited when we phoned her later. All he wanted then was to eat the easter egg he had won, but did well, waited untill he had had his lunch.

Wish the weathe here would warm up, its getting beyond a joke now, but it will so we shall have to wait and see. Got a reply Email from Caroline in Adelaide she has had an operation to remove her ovaries due to a cancer scare but has had an all clear in her blood test, but now Charlotte is in hospital with a Kidney infection, they are having a torrid time at the moment, Just feel so useless here, no way i can help, think I may make an effort to get out to see them early next year.  

I did get myself to the hospital and sat outside E14 ward at 2:30pm and visualized Dawn being wheeled passed, she gave me such a wonderful smile and wave, if there was something i could have done, something i should have noticed earlier, its a mess isnt it, really hate this life at the moment. Really sorry for bein so negative at this time, but it just gets to me, now and then. Sorry.

Can't believe the time, got to get to training with Sheba, then back and off to the hospital for my bereavement meeting, sorry just lost the time.

Will finish this chat when i get back, sorry.

Catch up in a while

Kind regards 

Paul x x

Hi Kathy,

I am so glad you all had a fantasic time together in what will now seem a short time, your mother is one hell of an amazing lady, good on her to plan a return very soon, and i can see where you get your sence of humour from, quite right she wants help from a young charmer.

Its not so easy to eat sensibly so as you say your sister is doing really well to keep in good health.

Little George had a easter hat parade on thursday, with a prize for best hat, HE WON, he seemed so embarressed, but his mother was more excited when we phoned her later. All he wanted then was to eat the easter egg he had won, but did well, waited untill he had had his lunch.

Wish the weathe here would warm up, its getting beyond a joke now, but it will so we shall have to wait and see. Got a reply Email from Caroline in Adelaide she has had an operation to remove her ovaries due to a cancer scare but has had an all clear in her blood test, but now Charlotte is in hospital with a Kidney infection, they are having a torrid time at the moment, Just feel so useless here, no way i can help, think I may make an effort to get out to see them early next year.  

I did get myself to the hospital and sat outside E14 ward at 2:30pm and visualized Dawn being wheeled passed, she gave me such a wonderful smile and wave, if there was something i could have done, something i should have noticed earlier, its a mess isnt it, really hate this life at the moment. Really sorry for bein so negative at this time, but it just gets to me, now and then. Sorry.

Can't believe the time, got to get to training with Sheba, then back and off to the hospital for my bereavement meeting, sorry just lost the time.

Will finish this chat when i get back, sorry.

Catch up in a while

Kind regards 

Paul x x

Hi Paul,
The folks have arrived back in Scotland, 1.5 hrs drive to be back to my home town.  They will feel the cold after the Aussie sun.
Sorry to hear DIL and grand daughter have not been well.  How old is Charlotte if I may ask?  
Paul, I don't think you could have picked up Dawns illness any earlier, just as I could not  have picked up hubby's, so please don't beat yourself up.  It is normal for us to think " if only"... but excuse my blunt speaking it's not going to be productive.
Well done young George for winning the Easter hat competition and bravo for waiting till after lunch to demolish the egg, such strength of character he shows.
Today I planned a quiet day at home, however had phone calls from mates to check up how I faring after the family's departure and a few drop in visitors while I was out front weeding.  This house is a bit of an open house, if car is visible mates just rock up or call out at gate if I am out the back.  Visits usually give me an excuse to down tools and socialise or ask for a hand depending on what I am doing.
Have watered lawn tonight so hope the weeds will come out easier tomorrow, the ground was a bit hard today due to lack of rainfall.
Well Paul almost midnight so will hit the hay and hopefully get a good sleep. 
Keep smiling,
Kathy x
 

Hi Kathy,

Sorry about my quick sign off last time just lost sence of time, but Sheba was really good at training, and the chat at the hospital was OK, althought today we where all feeling a bit sorry for ourelves, we do try to be positive and cheer up but sometimes it takes a bit of time to get out of the dumps, there are other groups you can go to but they are in the week and my week is quite full ish. i really do understand what you say about being positive ond productive and you are right, i honestly dont want to feel like this, but just cant help it, any way must stop feeling sorry for myself.

Charlotte is 18 on the 4th May, she is a really beautiful and smart, got a good head on her shoulders, she is working as a hair dresser, or should i say training to be an hair dresser, there is Cianan, he is 21 on the 16th May, has his own flat and works as a porter at the local hospital, and there is little lily the Chinese girl, she is 12 on the 8th May. she has just moved to high school, now there is one hell of a clever little girl.

You are obviously a popular lady, as everyone visits, think i will put a sign outside the house "the kettle is on and its free" that might get someone to knock, but then again, !!!!!!!

I know you must think this chap is hard work, but i do understand what and why you say the tings you do and i do try, honest, as i have said it will take longer than most, i do want to be positive, and get on, and as i have said before i do sincerely appreciate you help in our chats.

We had a get together at Clives (brother) new house, sisters and i, we all had a nice chat, the eldest Carol, is selling up and buying flats in Nottingham and Brisbane, so she can visit her daughter as and when she pleases with a little dwelling to get back to, Clive is taking redundancy, and is looking for work im sure he will get work soon.

Shaba has had her walk so its bath and then TV with couple of beers.

Sorry if you find me hard work but it is encouraging to be able to chat to a lady with a big heart and such positiveness as yourself. Think it might be the Negativety of us Brits, and the positveness of the Aussies, out in Pearth the sister/brother inlaw and the Nieces family are really positive come to think of it.

Need a kick up the a--e, or just a good slapping.

Take care and thank you

Kind regards Paul x

Hi Paul,
It's ok to be down in the dumps.  If you pretend everything is ok and it's not you can meltdown later.  Whatever you need to do, feel, discuss it, all ok.  It might be a long journey but that too is ok and you are not alone
I had an old girlfriend ring me while in the car with DIL driving and she asked what was new.  As I hadn't spoken to her for a few years I said a lot is new but didn't want to discuss it at the moment.  So instead of picking up my vibe, tone etc she asked how hubby is.  Well... I told her he had passed away and reiterated I did not want to discuss what's happening at that particular moment.  Some folk can be thick sometimes.  I ended up a bit upset and angry although I know it's not her fault.
If I want to talk I will and it will be when I chose to.  I do talk about him probably most days and that is what helps me.  I remember things and smile.
Paul you are not hard work.  I have a friend who has a normal life and family and she IS hard work, but God love her she would do anything to help anyone just has no tact, no diplomacy, no on/off button and is very noisy.  I am a bit naughty sometimes and give her completely wrong answers with a straight face and she believes me, my accent also contributes to her mishearing me (that's my excuse and I am sticking to it).  The accent is a great thing, I can insult people and they think I am joking.
Dice in the bad books.  I went out the front to do some weeding this avo and he was rather p d off with me (he should know he is never allowed out the front) so he destroyed a sofa cushion, I came in to find filling everywhere.  It's not the first cushion that he has destroyed but at the age of 11 you would think he would stop being naughty.  Maybe he was annoyed I went out to lunch today and put him outside. Mmmm he needs to realise I am the boss now.  Do you have any suggestions?  
Besides putting cushions in spare room when not in use I really can't think of any other way to avoid the destruction unless I put him out the back, but he looks so pitiful I haven't the heart to put him outside if he doesn't want to go.  Yup he's got me exactly where he wants me smart boy.  No, seriously any suggestions would be appreciated.
Great to see you had a catch up with your siblings.  Did I read correctly that Carol is getting a flat in Brisbane over here?  So she has a daughter here too?    If so good on her.
Oh well better sign off for now mate
Take care
Kathy x


 

Hi Kathy,

Thank you for being so understanding, you are such a kind hearted lady, and always with thoughtful suggestion, advice and comforting words, I've said it before and I will say it again, you are a natural in helping people who are saddened by grief, even though you have had the misfortune to have lost a loved one, you heart is set on helping others, you are truley amazing. I feel sorry your friend didn't catch on you didn't want to talk at that moment, it must have hurt, But even then then deep down inside and even though you where hurting you forgave her, you are a special one.

You do raise my hopes that in one day I will be strong as you, and maybe I may find the right words to help others, but once again thank you for your kindness and guidance.

Yes you did read it right Carol's daughter Anne-Marie married an Aussie who lived in Perth but his work is in Brisbane, they have been married a couple of years and have a daughter Olivia, I've had the pleasure of seeing her and she is a little cracker, because Carol has a son in the UK she has decided to buy a flat in each place so she can be with each one as and when she pleases, her and Len(hubby) have a few bob so, it won't leave them short.

About Dice, well Sheba did rip up her bed, and I was told she was bored, so suggested more toys, Shaba has a dozen or so to play with, then they suggested putting her in a cage, well that is out the question, so when I spoke to the trainer when we first met, she suggested toys where you can pack them with treats so they have to work hard to get the treat and usually after they have got all the treats out of the toy then they are content and have a little sleep, Sheba has a couple, a treat ball she roll's round as the treats fall out and a bone looking toy full of treats, think she looks forward to me going out sometimes, hope that's helps in some way, she even said to hide treats around the house, but don't fancy that just i case Sheba can't find it and it leaves a smell after a couple of days.

 Have been out with Mark, Nicola, Goerge and Henry this morning, buying paint, and a couple of toys for the boys, turtle ninja mad they are, then called into a pud for lunch, had roast lamb, Henry likes his food, even had my mash potatoe, but I had extra veg. We where chatting about going to a place close to Scarborough in a static caravan for a few days 20-24 April, so looking forward to having time with them

Once again Kathy thank you for your strength, understanding and compassion, 

 Thank you for taking time out to chat, hope I can help you in return one day, Take great care of yourself, thank you once again

Kind regards Paul x

Hi Paul,
Many thanks for the dog tips.  Will let you know how I fare with you know who.
A busy day today with the handyman doing a great job of my list of maintenance plus 2 more jobs that had cropped up since he quoted 4 weeks ago. We have used him previously for jobs hubby was not confident of doing so its like having an old mate around.  As I was effectively tied to the house today I spent a lot of time pottering in the garden and will sleep well tonight.
Tomorrow will do a small shop and will then avoid the shops till after Easter.  People go bonkers as though there is going to be a food shortage.  In the morning I am meeting my best friend for brekkie at 10 a.m.  She heads off on a 10 day cruise to Singapore on Wednesday.  
The ninja turtles were around years ago when my son was little and would you believe I still had some of them stored away so grandson has them now.
Are you intending doing some painting or is Mark?
I think it's great you are planning a few days away in April.  A change of scenery can blow away the cobwebs.  I will head to the kids place to babysit for 2 nights mid April to allow the newly weds a few days peace and quiet.  I will have such fun.  I might have to think of what to get them to help me bake and do my planning now.
Well Paul, will start locking up and make tracks for the land on nod.
Take care and try and behave  yourself , ha ha
Kathy xx
 

Hi Kathy,

Hope the dog tips helped, but i must apologize for the bit about the dog being bored, its just what they told me, i wasnt referring to Dice being bored, sorry.

Sheba has had me on the run around, as we walk round the fields, she goes off digging up the mole holes, which isnt a massive problem, but she will NOT come back when called, and as i go to her she runs off, it might not sound much, but it really hurt's thinking she didnt want to come back to me, silly i know but those lttle things do get to me a bit, so now we have gone back to basic's, and this morning sheba was on a 10 metre long lead and she did (with treats) come back about 50% of the time so we shall stick with that for a while, she is wonderful at home but thats with no distractions.

Bet you are haveing a wonderful time with your grandchildren, do you spoil them, (i do mine) naughty i know but cant help it. it is so thoughtful of you and your son and DIL will be so appreciative, its good fun isnt it but just George wears me out, so how are you getting on with two, dont think i could manage George and Henry. As the Kiddies are off school this week i have George from 0700 hours so we shall have breakfasr and drive to the peak district, and have an whole day there, George loves picnics so we shall be fine.

Mark is doing the painting, he is touching up the tree house, well its not a tree house really its and house on stilts, with a slide swing ladder, there is fencing around it so the kids are safe. It was good of the Handy man to do those chores for you, he must do a cracking job for you to get him back, it will be good when the weather warms up here so i can have a go at a few tasks that need doing here, today we have brilliant sunshine for ten minutes, then blustery rain and the wind really pick up noew and again. so not much chance for today, Shaba and i got wet on her walk, but its Treetops driving day, so there wouldnt be much chance anyway.

I sent Charlie, Lily, Caroline, an Ecard today, and they have relyed already, Caroline is all clear with her bloods and Charlie is home recovering, she said is scared her, but she is such a brave girl just like her mum and Nana, so its nice to know the worst is over, i sent Lily one as it is easter, think she will like it, its the making of an easter egg.

I am off to drive the bus now, taking the hospice guests home, they are always cheerful, and alwaysys enjoy their time there, think i should take a leaf out of their book.

Take great care Kathy.

Kind regards  Paul x x 

Hi Paul, no dramas,
Dice just gone out to bark, must be a reason. All good is back in now on bed with cat.
Still pretty warm here, phew.
I don't think your Sheba means to be naughty but she is only young, a puppy.  I have every confidence you and she will work together for the best result.
 Will only have the 2 grandkids at their place on my own, too hard down here with pets to manage too.  Up there I can manage ok as their pets not allowed inside.
So good your Aussie family is doing ok.  Charlie is young to have a kidney issue, please nag her to drink more water.
  Off to bed soon, have an extension running through the room so will need to negotiate and move before I trip over and break something.
Just an aside comment as I feel I can share with you.  Ring finger getting slimmer and rings in danger of slipping off. Will need to do some exercises to plump up fingers eek
Anyway, need to head to bed soon ,
Take care Paul
Kathy
 

Hi Kathy,

Yes Sheba and i are good, she has a good run and smells out something interesting, so she explores, dont mind but Joh, our dog trainer did say that the recall is the most importand command there is and for many good reasons so it is something i need to get right, its me being a wus, but we have been down the park, where there are smell and othe dogs and she has been really good, (on the 10 metre lead) she has her times but dont we all, she will be great im sure its me that has to get it right, and well done dice its good she informs you of of something happening close by, Sheba is good at that, she always has a bark if a car pulls up outside or next door comes home.

I did have a simular problem with my ring finger, i actually lost a stone and half, then having a shower my Dads ring (right hand) and then Dawns ring (well its mine, Dawns is round my neck) but you know what i mean, actaully fell off, so that was my warning to stop being a plonker, i have put half a stone back on and thats done the trick.

 I will give Caroline a big hint on the drinking water, but Charlie is a gym bunny so i only presume she drinks lots, but it is still worth a hint, thank you for than i wouldnt have thought of saying anything, but thank you again for your concern.

Got George all day tomorrow so planning to go up to the Peak district, with Sheba as well, should be a good day, going to try baking scones soon to take with us, im not doing to bad to say i have never baked before, Dawn was the baker i was the eater. Taking a few nibbles as well, and treats for Sheba, silly not to get some traing in while we are there.

Hope you are having a great time with your two little ones, Im always exhausted after having Gearge, but you seem to thinking of them 100% of the time dont you, but hes OK soon tell me if Im doing something i shouldnt, makes me laugh, and I always have a few tales to tell his dad, when he comes to pick him up, i do worry him sometimes (George) as Mark asks if he has been a good boy, I reply NO, the look on his face, then i say he has not been good, he has been Brilliant boy, and then the smiles come back to his face, but he has me sorted now so he has a good idea what im going to say,

OK its scones time, so take great care of yourself, and thank you for these chats,

Kind regards Paul x x oopps Sheba has just barked, think shes saying by for now. x  

Hi Paul, 
Just a quickie as battery running low and its 1.20 am.  Great to hear from you and Sheba as always.  Thanks for mentioning scones now I feel hungry....don't dare tell me you have strawberry jam and cream too.  Grrr
Went out for lunch tdy with my best friends sis in law as best friend sailing from Western Australia on a cruise boat.  Good on her.  Hubbys unexpected illness and passing has prompted a lot off mates to do things now not wait for retirement.
Rest of day has been spent pottering around the garden.  There is so much to do but I will get there.  I think we have seen the last of the hot weather boo hoo. Temps forecast to drop to 23 as the high.  Still pleasant but no longer shorts and singlet weather for me.  Will get the flannelette shirts out ready for winter.
Pets on bed waiting for me.  My CD player not working now, Son has hubbys old one in his shed that he's not using so will ask for that one back.  Might take some recycling down over the Easter break.  We get 10c back on bottles and cans here and no recycling done since last Oct so it's piling up.  Funds received will go into grandkids bank accts.
Ok Paul, will email you in the morning, know if I don't head off to bed soon will just stay up and keep going and that wouldn't be healthy.
All the best
Kathy xx
 

Hi Kathy,

You are a bit of a night owl, but although I'm usually in bed by ten, I'm usually awake between midnight and one in the morning, awake for a few hours then back to sleep, I have tried everything, but just can't and don't get a full nights sleep, its been like that since Dawns passing, but some do say i must be getting enough sleep, but it would br nice to get a full nights sleep.

Sorry about the scones they where pretty good especially with the Jam and cream, ooopps sorry.

George Sheba and I have had a full day near Ashbourne on the Tissington trail, It was harder than I thought, could'nt give either one my full attention, so poor Sheba did'nt fare to well, going to make it up to her very soon with a bit of training and lots of treats. But saying that it was a really good day out, I feel shattered, may be I may sleep tonight, would'nt bet on it though. Can't complain about the weather, its been a good day here, even had chance to hang out some washing (first time this year), but its raining all day tomorrow, Boo Hoo.

You have mentioned to me on a few occasions about making the most of each day, I do understand and I feel a little like your friends about life, thats why I want to buy a caravan to get out and about see lots of places, it may help me to get a prospective on life. But Kathy I do feel so guilty and disrespectfull towards Dawn, the one thing I intend to do though, is to take Dawns Ashes with me, hoping that will ease the guilt, it is so hard isnt it, just can't seem to get it straight in my head, but I won't know till i try then we shall have to see how it goes.

Deep down inside you are suffering like me arn't you, but how do you adapt yourself, you have explained to me about looking forward, having our loved ones in our thoughts and heart, being posative as our loved ones would want us to, but why cant I be positive. Sorry Kathy, I feel I'm off on one of my self pitty moans again, Whats wrong with me!!!!!. Better stop there.

I never want to hurt your feelings, I have too much respect of you for that but i do go on sometimes and my English/Grammar isn't that good, so please let me know if i go over the top, really sorry. Got to get my head straight. Step by step.

Take great care Kathy, sorry if i cause upset, truely.

Paul x x