Hi Paul,

I've been through similar, When my mum past away in 2009 I was in limbo so to speak. I kept on like normal and I didn't want to stop really because when you stop you start thinking and thinking and thinking some more. 

It will take time to come to terms with that happened, we all process things in different ways, different time scales and there is no right or wrong way.

There's no need to feel guilty about socialising with brothers and sisters, it's a double edge sword really of shall we ask or shall we not, how would he feel, reaction and so on. When you do go out and you feel guilty of doing so think to yourself 'I'm taking steps to feeling not guilty' which I think is what you want from what you have written.

I found that when I went to bed and I was trying to go to sleep it was difficult, I coped by basically letting it all out, I would cry I would put my headphones in and blast my music in an attempt to drown the thoughts out but in the end they will be there until we give our mind time to process what's happened.

You could write your thought's in a diary, call a friend (they really wouldn't mind because they're your friend and you would do the same for them) or talk to your family. 

I used to think like you that I was being too much for family, friends or others around me but people really don't mind.

Take Care x

Hi there,

Thank you for your kind words, it is still tough even now, but i have had lots of advice from this forum, the Bereavment meetings i go to, and especially Kathy who has helped me so much, it is so nice to have people such as yourself take time out to help people like me, i'm the chap who is going to take a bit longer than most.

It still dosen't feel right, I know I will get there, because I have come along way already, I think I must learn to cope with my loss first then progress from there, It is hard to talk to family, it's not that i don't want to, I just feel they don't understand, they do change the subject quite often, so I switch off after that. When we go out together, there is always their other half there, It might sound selfish but that gets to me a little.

This is where i am getting the most help, form the people who have experienced the heartache, and suffered the loss, which no one can ever forsee, or even prepare for.

I do write in my diary every day, which i have only just started, it is helping I think, dont have many friends as Dawn and i had each other, we did go out alot but just enjoyed each other's company, Having spent twenty two years in the Royal Navy we where seperated for long periods at a time, so we where trying to catch up i surpose.

I have my liitle diamond, she is Sheba, a Siberian Husky cross, she is so good for me at this moment, makes me laugh and wants lots of cuddles, sometimes i dont think i know how luck i am.

thank you for your concern

Kind regards Paul

Hi Paul

having issues copying and pasting

will try and post this and see if it works

Hi Paul,

Great to hear from you and all your news.  You should be the one getting the pat on the back.  You probably don't realise what good you are doing with your volunteer work and I am very confident you bring a ray of sunshine to others.   Can imagine you being quite the gentle, compassionate man.

Enough of the mutual appreciation society ( I hear you chuckle) on to more important topics.... The garden haha.  Had a man come and whippersnipper bits today, oh my giddy aunt it looks so tidy.  Must get myself one of those toys down the track maybe a rechargeable one, then can take it to my girlfriends places and go bonkers in their gardens.  Maybe tell them it's a good workout and just supervise them.  Or even better do a keep fit video involving gardening then can charge folk to come and garden for me.  The mind boggles.
Discovered a lot of European wasps hanging around which is not good.  Dice only allowed out under supervision as he would snap at them as he does at flies, and could end up not too good.  I have rung the local council and they will send someone out tomorrow to look for wasps nest.  They really are a horrible insect and got stung by one a few months ago and the lump was there for a good week.  As my father would say it's far from your b*m you won't sit on it.

Also complained to council about white cedar tree on wetlands sending suckers out to the back garden and they can cause strife for pipes and plumbing.  (4 saplings at last count)  They will send someone out.  Normal treatment to remove is poison and due to pets I don't use poison. Mmm will be interesting.
Will get big sis to show me how to save notes so when I try and copy and paste don't lose the lot.
To be honest Paul don't know the last time I have been this excited.  On previous family visits I have been very happy but at the moment I am like a kid before Christmas
Cat has just come in for the night and it's so amazing ,kitchen table covered in paperwork and he manages to find a vacant spot to jump up on and meander to his feeding spot on the dresser.  He is like a  mini panther.  I visited a girlfriend tdy who has his siblings and they were all over me, but was conscious of not wanting claw marks over my shoulders as the marks can last awhile.  Love how they use your skin as brakes on way down.  Both pets are 11 now, hopefully will be able to enjoy their company for a few more years, they are both quite spoiled and much loved.
Dice sounds so ferocious when a stranger come to door to try and sell something, it's so funny, he's such a pussycat when he knows someone is invited in.  I am so lucky in so many ways.
Ok Paul will stop dribbling, hope today was good for you and Sheba, tomorrow is another day.
Look up rainbow lorikeets, we see them on our walks, they are so beautiful.
Take care,
Best wishes your mad Aussie pal
Kathy x
 

Hi Kathy, I do enjot my volunteering, but to be honest when i did start to volunteer I was doing it for myself, sounds selfish, but its true, i initially just wanted something to do, something to occupy my mind, but I was taken in by the feel good factor, really didnt know if i could do it, but now its a joy, so rewarding, definately makes you feel good, so it worked out well for me.

OK Kathy, please remember i'm a bloke, can't multitask, so you need to explain, what is whippersnippering, it sounds like a tidy-up-er-er, it is electrical got that, sorry for being a bit thick, as i said i'm a bloke, so HELP. But your idea is not so far fetched, try it out on your friends, at least you can relax while your are videoing your gardening is being made to look marvelous. please dont let your friends read that bit.

I am so sorry to hear the problems with the wasp, you must be so worried about getting stung and so worrying for Dice, our Shadow and Zak both German Shepheards used to catch and eat them, how they got away without being stung we shall never know (must send photos of Shadow and Zak) and the cedar tree what a pain hope your council sort it for you.

I can imagine how excited you must be, bet you won't be able sleep soon because of your excitment, are you meeting your family at the airport, bet you are there hours before the flight gets in, i know you will enjoy every minute, it will be one magic time from start to finish i'm sure.

I did meet the soldier today, really felt for him, he had five years in the army, served in araq and cyprus, but six months after leaving the army he got cancer in his bone  marrow, it took five years to get rid of the intruder and has been in remission for nearly a year, just wish him all the very best.

Hope George is OK tomorrow, we are going to bake a cake with cream and jam, (is there a doctor in the house) have to keep him busy, else he will watch DVD's all afternoon, bless him.

Did check out rainbow lorikeets, what amazing colourful parrots (they are parrots arn't they) anyway went onto youtube there are so many on there going to show George, he will love them.

Take great care of yourself Kathy, 

Kind regards Paul x x 

Hi Paul,
I think you would call it a garden edging tool.  Pole thing that has a plastic bit attached that whirls around and cuts unruly grass, will try and send pic of lawn.  Normally is powered by 2 stroke oil, too confusing for me hence why I may opt for battery rechargeable option.  Concerned  as to cutting power cord or wet conditions if using electrics therefore avoid electric do dahs.
Cake you are making with George sounds great.  My favourite is sponge cake with cream and strawberry jam.  Anything else I can resist.
Visited the inlaws tdy as MIL had medical appt and their car is being serviced.  Good opportunity to listen to what doc had to say.  She is low on iron but is a bit of a finicky eater.  She always manages to eat well when I am there but could be my cajoling.  I know she thinks the world of me, daft woman. Will make some roast beef portions in gravy and take up for them to freeze if req and FIL can do some veggies to supplement meal.   She is 88 he is 79. So they are muddling along.  They refuse to use a microwave so everything has to be done on stovetop/0ven/grill.
Our plan was whoever went first we would offer the other a home with us.  Now doesn't seem so doable. As if anything happened to me where would they be?  Mind you same thing applies, where they are in a retirement village with no nursing home care available should the need arise.
Funnily enough son has plan for me to live with them eventually and now planning for hubby's parent to be there too.  Don't know if it's the British background making him think this way, it's not the standard Aussie way. 
It's so good you looked at the rainbow lorrikeets, aren't they beautiful?   They do give me so much pleasure.
Can't believe it, it's 18 degrees but I am so chilled have had to put long pants and a jumpers on.
Rang mum.,a few hours ago, she is concerned re my Sisters strange tests.
Kathy x
 

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Hi Kathy, the Cake was a success, how lucky was that, and guess what it was a sponge cake with .......wait for it.........starwberry jam and cream, Goerge really liked it, i loved it and Mark (youngest son) was so impressed to a picture of it, good job he did, there is only one piece left, wish you lived closer I would have dropped you a piece off, sorry but i shall be finishing it off tonight, OK enough of praising myself.

Been looking at a new-ish car today to pull a caravan, thinking of a caravan now instead of a trailer tent, its a Ford C-Max quite roomy inside, and a big enough engine, only have a 1250cc Fiesta at the moment, so the first step taken.

and OK understand the the garden wippersnipper now, thank you, your garden looks really tidy and neat, so the machine does a good job. Undrstand about the electrical bit, would be a worry wouldnt it, very thoughtful, just keep yourself safe, please, but you dont need me to tell you that, sorry.

You are such a thoughtful lady, hubby would be mega impressed, so kind, please dont run youself down, the last thing  your MIL would think is that, Daft women never caring, thoughtful, its now understandable why they thing the world of you, good on you Kathy.

Little george had a right giggle at the rainbow lorrikeets, but i did something naughty, told him to ask his dad if he could have one, ooopps.

Been a long day at the office, going to seetle down now with a beer and a few cheese nibbles, Sheba loves then too, didnt mention she loves stawberry cream sponge too, i know its not the thing to do but she runs aeound the field at a high rate of knots, so she will burn off all the naughty food i give her, just cant resist those sorryful eyes as she watchs me eat, i dont mind sharing. 

The time is close now to seeing your family out in Aus, is this their first trip !!, sorry cant remember if you mentioned that before, bet they are as excited as you, how are you coping in these last few days, are you sleeping !!!, who needs it when you are that excited. Sincerely hope it is a magical time for you all, but if it is down to you it wont be nothing but magical.

Sheba's first training day tomorrow she will be a star i'm sure, i may get a telling off but hay ho. We had a good run on the fields this morning, you know when you have had a good run whem you are walking home panting like mad, your tonguehanging down the side of your mouth, and thats only me, you should see Sheba.

Take Great care of yourself Kathy.

Kind regards  Paul x

Hi Kathy, the Cake was a success, how lucky was that, and guess what it was a sponge cake with .......wait for it.........starwberry jam and cream, Goerge really liked it, i loved it and Mark (youngest son) was so impressed to a picture of it, good job he did, there is only one piece left, wish you lived closer I would have dropped you a piece off, sorry but i shall be finishing it off tonight, OK enough of praising myself.

Been looking at a new-ish car today to pull a caravan, thinking of a caravan now instead of a trailer tent, its a Ford C-Max quite roomy inside, and a big enough engine, only have a 1250cc Fiesta at the moment, so the first step taken.

and OK understand the the garden wippersnipper now, thank you, your garden looks really tidy and neat, so the machine does a good job. Undrstand about the electrical bit, would be a worry wouldnt it, very thoughtful, just keep yourself safe, please, but you dont need me to tell you that, sorry.

You are such a thoughtful lady, hubby would be mega impressed, so kind, please dont run youself down, the last thing  your MIL would think is that, Daft women never caring, thoughtful, its now understandable why they thing the world of you, good on you Kathy.

Little george had a right giggle at the rainbow lorrikeets, but i did something naughty, told him to ask his dad if he could have one, ooopps.

Been a long day at the office, going to seetle down now with a beer and a few cheese nibbles, Sheba loves then too, didnt mention she loves stawberry cream sponge too, i know its not the thing to do but she runs aeound the field at a high rate of knots, so she will burn off all the naughty food i give her, just cant resist those sorryful eyes as she watchs me eat, i dont mind sharing. 

The time is close now to seeing your family out in Aus, is this their first trip !!, sorry cant remember if you mentioned that before, bet they are as excited as you, how are you coping in these last few days, are you sleeping !!!, who needs it when you are that excited. Sincerely hope it is a magical time for you all, but if it is down to you it wont be nothing but magical.

Sheba's first training day tomorrow she will be a star i'm sure, i may get a telling off but hay ho. We had a good run on the fields this morning, you know when you have had a good run whem you are walking home panting like mad, your tonguehanging down the side of your mouth, and thats only me, you should see Sheba.

Take Great care of yourself Kathy.

Kind regards  Paul x