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Paul L

PaulDawn
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Hi There, this is my first time on the chat line, just want to here from anyone in my position. My darling wife Dawn sadly passed away 19 June 2012, and it is still so very hard to understand or believe why, I am going round in circles, not wanting to go out but feeling upset if people don't ask me out (brothers and sisters), but then feel guilty when i do out, upset because things just carrying on the same way, I try to keep myself busy, walk our dog for hours, have a part time job, volunteer for our local hospice and ssafa, but the evenings a nightmare, how are you all coping.

  • Offline in reply to KathyS
    Hi there Kathy, what an amazing achievement, the other guy and yourself potentially save the lives of those two little ones and saved their dad an embarrassing / heartbreaking time, well done to you both, it's really nice to hear that sort of news than the other terrible stuff. I have been looking after one of my grandsons today, George, he's a cracking little lad and today was a good day, he actually finished every last drop of his lunch, he usually leaves half, it's amazing how something simple can make you feel good. Tukka, that's Australian, are you from Aus, Dawns sister lives in Perth, and our friends live in Madura, we had an amazing time when we went out there, her sister and niece keep asking me to go out, but it's just won't feel right without Dawn, we also have a Daughter in law and three grand children out in Adelaide, they want me to go out as well, oh dear are we aloud to discuss people's location, sorry if I'm out of order. This time of year is quite tough for me as it is this time three years ago, Dawn started to visit the doctors knowing something wasn't right, if only there could have been some sort of sign, or the doctors carried out a scan earlier, but then you think would Dawn have been in pain for longer, a lot of people say they think your life is already planned out, have you hear of that, it's really nice to chat, kind regards Paul
  • Offline in reply to PaulDawn
    Hi Paul, yes it is nice to have a good news story. I am a Scot who met an Aussie in Edinburgh, got married and came out here in 1984' so have lived here longer than I have lived in Scotland. I think you will find my terminology a mix of the 2 with a bit of Irish chucked in for good measure. I understand this time of year being tough for you and it will continue to be, once again that's all quite natural. We often think of if only... And that too is normal. I find till receipts from prior to July and think our life was ok then. How quickly things change with such devastating results. Back to being positive, we must enjoy life every precious second and enjoy what we do have. I think it's ok to discuss locations Paul. I live in Adelaide, outskirts of, the recent bushfires got to within 2 km of the property but I was fortunate it didn't come any closer. Was your daughter in law and family affected? A beautiful 27 degrees today, dog walked , bit of gardening done and had a handyman come out to quote on some repairs. Tomorrow will see me mow 2 lawns as they are looking a bit hairy due to application of fertiliser and heavy rains. Maybe I should get a goat haha. My next door neighbour will drop in tonight for a cuppa and old work colleague also. We were made redundant at end of Nov, but as the saying goes one door closes another one opens. Must go for now and tidy up outdoor table. Take care, Kathy.
  • Offline in reply to KathyS
    Hi Kathy, isn't it a small world, but you definitely made the right decision in going to Aus, Dawn and I nearly moved to Aus in 1979, I was in the Royal Navy and was going to transfer, but we had three young ones then, one being a baby, so we decided to wait a while, Dawns sister in Perth was always wondering why we never made it, think it was one thing then another, is our life planned out for us do you think!!. Our daughter in law lives in Seaford Meadows, when I asked if she was ok due to the bush fires, she said she was about 55km away so she was safe, but it was touch and go with you wasn't it, now that was to close for comfort. I'm always doing bits around the house and garden, but my concentration isn't as good as it was, just can't seen to get on with things like I used to, even getting into hobbies, just seems to dwindle as I make progress. Still you have to keep busy don't you. I'm off to the City Hospital soon, it's a group of people who have lost loved ones and we chat about how we are getting on and what we have done, it helps plus it gets me out of the house. Kind regards Paul
  • Offline in reply to PaulDawn
    Hi Paul, good to hear from you.  Yes your daughter in law is down south of Adelaide, a nice area , I am up north east at base of foothills.  I do think in a way our life is planned out or us.  Everything happens for a reason.  Don't know why, we have to go with the flow and make the best of what we have. Some little grub/caterpillar is attacking my newly transplanted lemon tree so will need to find out what it is and take action.  Have been offered work to mow mates' lawns but would rather do it as a gift to them and not accept payment as such.  Other thing is if you try and transfer hobby into job, you may not enjoy hobby anymore it may become a chore and I do enjoy my gardening and find it therapeutic.  When visiting in laws during the week I did what weeding I could do without my tools.  Son went out yesterday and finished the job.  I am so proud of him for loving his grandparents the way he does and even though he has his own family was able to  give up a few hours of his time to spend with them.  I hope you had an enjoyable time at the city hosp.  I am sure you bring comfort to others there.  Talking is good..  Best wishes from a cool 20 degrees Adelaide. Kathy
  • Offline in reply to KathyS
    Hi there Kathy, it's been a couple of days since our last chat but I've been on a bit of a downer, don't know why, well I mean I do know why, but mean i just don't know why it suddenly came about, I think you know what I'm trying to say. We all had a nice chat at our get together, but when I got home I just felt so down, anyway it took a while to get back out of depression mode. Wish I could be as positive as you, think I want another kick up the back side and a good slap as well, should I put a notice at side of the bed with the words "think positive" written on it, then my day may start a little better. Your mates must admire your passion and the quality of your garden, I bet they wouldn't want you to do it for nothing, But I know what you mean though about it becoming a chore and not enjoyable if payment is received. It's still in the winter mode here in the UK, but we in the Midlands have been really lucky, just a little snow and not as cold as the rest of the country. As soon as it warms up we shall all be busy making our gardens tidy, and bring the colour to life once again, but it will be a few months yet. Thinking of obtaining some sort of camping equipment so Sheba and I can get away here and there in the summer months, just be a few days at a time but a different scenery may help. Thank you for keeping in touch it is helping to chat, take care, kind regards Paul.
  • Offline in reply to PaulDawn
    Hi Paul, if you get down come online, someone will always be willing to listen and respond. Funny enough another mate spoke about a kick up the behind and a slap today, you guys be must on the same wavelength, I would prefer to say a kick up the behind and a severe spanking with a birch rod.... Oh no you might enjoy it. Sorry to be so familar but that is what I used to say in my last job as call centre hardship case manager, customers used to love it as is not what you expect to hear. I always speak from the heart and people respond. Love the idea of you going camping a change of scenery and routine always good, just something different from the normal routine. Please tell me who is Sheba.? I used to have a cat called Sheva, passed away. Goodness we do get so attached to our pets, they are part of the family. Paul have you seen Max's petition to get personal messaging reinstated, you will find it under notice board. This gives us ability to talk one on one, you may think it maybe helpful via direct email. Also gives members to chat about things not involving cancer. Just a thought. I figure the more of us who request it better chance we have of getting it through. Sitting at kitchen table at the moment pets in, haven't had tea yet. Oops almost 10 pm, bowl of cereal will suffice or fresh fruit. Gets a bit of a chore to cook sometimes. Visited grandkids today, what joy. Also called into in laws bearing gifts of home grown tomatoes and cucumbers. Intend visiting them every week while weather good. It's an hour away but all good, I can do it. See you live in Midlands. Geography was probably my worst subject think I got a c in o level. Have driven from Scotland to Boston Lincs to visit my godmother Bout 8 years ago. Is that any anywhere near? Will sign off for now and please come on and chat if you feel down. We all do from time to time Paul its normal and nice to feel we are not alone. Kind regards Kathy
  • Offline in reply to KathyS
    Hi there Kathy, thank you for your wonderful responce, I just don't know why it happens but one minute your getting on with little jobs sorting all kinds of stuff out and then Wham, your so lost in yourself, can't be bothered and quite happy to sit moaning to yourself, feeling sorry for yourself, I know Dawn would not be impressed, think she would call me a whimp, a wuss something naughty anyway. I do understand life is precious and the time we have, Dawns passing had taught me that, I know each second should be lived to the max, but still without Dawn it doesn't feel right. A slap or a birch whipping, sorry but a slap anytime, oh dear what are we talking about, can we get arrested for talking like that, oops. Sheba is my new dog, we always had Geaman Shepherds, but sadly 30 September 2014, Zak passed away , and I just couldn't stand it on my own, so I popped into the dogs trust they wouldn't let me have a two year old German Shepard due to the Grandchildren so I brought Sheba home, she's a two year old Siberian Husky crossed with many. I've had her for three months now and she is coming on fine, she loves a cuddle on the sofa, and lays on the bed with me at night, we start with our dog trainer in March so I'm sure she will come on leaps and bounds then. I live on the border between Nottingham and Derby it's quiet but nice, with canals and greenery around us. Nice idea about Max's petition, will have a look and sign in. We used to have a green house for our tomatoes and cucumbers, and a small and I mean small vegetable patch, but I just couldn't be bothered so I got rid, think now it was a bad move, it is a nice feeling to pass on fruit and veg you have grown isn't it. Your are a very caring, giving and positive person, Dawn was always that way, thought of others a lot. Well time has caught up with me I've got to shoot off now and pick up my Grandson George, give him lunch and entertain him until Mark, my son comes from work to pick him up in about 5 hours times. I really do appreciate your positive thoughts, they are a help, and very much appreciated, thank you for your kindness, kind regards Paul
  • Offline in reply to PaulDawn
    Hi Paul, sent you a message last night but due to upgrade didn't save, oh no 24 hrs has gone passed don't know how witty I was but will try and replicate in a mo.
  • Offline in reply to KathyS
    Hi again Paul, Sheba sounds absolutely gorgeous hope she responds well to training, I have every confidence she will. What great company she must be. So last night in the epilogue I sent you I am sure I prattled on about Andy Murray. I am so looking forward to the final on Sunday evening our time and may even take the phone off the hook so telemarketers dare not ring me. Hope you had a great time with George, your son must appreciate your help and aren't littlies so precious and they take everything so literally. Visited my son and family on Wednesday and always after a visit my heart tells me to move closer to them but my brain tells me to stay put, where my friends are,my memories are and where better job opportunities are. Being ever practical I think I will stay here, how could I leave my garden.... Haha. I am too young to retire, but who knows, my heart fills with joy when spending time with them.... And life as we both know it too short. Bought a new vacuum bout 3 weeks ago, girlfriends visiting tdy were more excited than I. It's a shark?? Upright very good sucker so I am told. Yeh can't get excited about household goods and if mates want to visit and play with my new toys??? Take care Kathy
  • Offline in reply to KathyS
    Hi Kathy, I first thought it is really nice for an Australian lady to be backing a Brit, but Andy is from your birth place isn't he, I really hope he wins tomorrow, it's on the TV at 8:15am so Sheba and I will start to watch but maybe get out for a walk before the final set. We are sat here on the sofa now and I'm going to open a bottle of red shortly, Saturday night treat, Sheba is asleep until I get the nibbles out, but she's not pushy she waits till she's offered, she is wonderful, such good company, so loving. Little George is a cracking lad, he is only 3, but he is the only one who talks to me about Dawn, his last chat was when is Nana coming back, I told him his Nana is in heaven and looking down on us keeping us safe, he is so sincere with his questions, it's so nice. It is hard sometimes isn't it wondering what is the best thing to do, to move or to stay, I myself have nearly moved to live on a narrow boat on the canal, then it was living in a static caravan next to the coast, as Dawn and I lived in Plymouth when I was in the Royal Navy, we had our best times there, but my head was saying one thing and my heart another. You could alway create a new garden, near to where your son lives, but as you say it's the memories of an area. It's no good listening to me though I can't even sort myself out. By the way I've signed up to Macs petition, think it would help a lot of people, may be help them open up a little, it would me, and as you have said before there are wonderful people out there who would and want to help. It would be nice when I have the ability to help someone else, I know it will take time, but it would be so nice to give something back. We in the bereavement talk group are going out for a meal next Saturday lunch time, as I don't like going out much with groups, I'm dreading it. It's weard I don't mind one or two people but can't do groups. Thank you for chatting, because of what you have said I do think of what you have written when I'm feeling sorry for myself and down and it is helping me, thank you, take care, kind regards Paul.

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