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Hurting loads

Hope23
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I had thought I was doing better this year but now I feel just as bad as before.  This week it is a year since I was told my Dad was dying, and it is 6 months since my Mum died.  I'm re-living so many memories, my Dad's death in March, watching my Mum grief stricken.  Me trying desperately to help her rebuild her life only for her to be diagnosed with the same cancer in June.  Then watching her deteriorate just like my Dad, until she died in August.  I don't know how to cope anymore.  Losing one parent would have been awful, but if I still  had one we could have grieved together.  Now I've got myself in a state about their house, I so wanted to do the right thing and decided I would do the house up with a view to keeping it for the future and possibly renting.  Now work has started it is a major project, it is upsetting me and I now realise I couldn't rent it.  I wished I'd never started it but I guess I'll just need to do it up to sell.  I feel like I've done everything wrong.  I miss my parents so much, I don't like my life the way it is now. I don't want this unhappiness to carry on another year, I feel like I've lost the happy person I once was and I'm scared she'll never come back.  Sorry for rambling but I just need to write it down.

  • Offline in reply to woodworm

    Hi Brian,

    Lovely to hear from you.  Yes I'm very proud of both of my boys, they really have been a big part of me being able to get through this past year.  I'm glad the hospital seem to be moving forward in treating your brother-in-law, must be a stressful time for all the family.  How wonderful that you are writing stories, perhaps we will see them on the shelves oneday??  I'm still keeping busy and still at school working, although looking forward to the hols soon. Bit worried how I'm going to feel on Sunday being Mother's Day, I was thinking back to how I felt the first Father's Day without Dad, but it is a bit blurred since it was the day I was told my Mum had terminal cancer; so I'm not really sure how I'm going to feel Sunday.  I plan to go to the cemetery and then to try and concentrate on me as a Mum and hope that my boys look after me LOL! Let's hope the sun comes out again for the weekend, today has turned rather cold again!  Take care.  Hope x

  • Offline in reply to Hope23

    Good morning Hope,

    I do enjoy writting my stories and it keeps the old grey matter ticking over. Mrs B and I have not been back long as we have been to the cemetery to put flowers on both of our mothers graves. They are both buried in the same cemetery and it's so peaceful there with the birds singing and it overlooks the south downs. While we were there someone must have been feeding the sheep which were a field ot two away and although we couldn't see them, boy could we hear them.

    I will be thinking of you on Sunday and also all the others on here who have also lost their mothers.

    Take care best wishes, Brian.


  • Offline in reply to woodworm

    Hi Brian,

    Yes always good to keep the grey matter going!  When I look at how my sons retain information so easily I realise how old I am, as I really can't do that anymore!

    The cemetery sounds like a peaceful place and it is lovely that both your Mum and Mrs B's Mum are at the same place.  My hubby's Mum is in a different cemetery a good few miles away and we often think it would be lovely if she were at our local one too.  The one my parent's are at is also very peaceful and sometimes it does bring me comfort going there, tends to depend on how I'm feeling at the time.  I've just bought some lovely Mother's Day flowers to take on Sunday which I'm keeping in a vase at present.  Have to say it was a difficult thing for me picking up those flowers, I always used to buy Mum flowers.  I know I bought her flowers and a present last year but although I've been trying to remember it I just can't seem to, as everything was a daze then following my Dad's death.

    I will be keeping busy at the weekend and will also be thinking of you and everybody else who have lost their mothers.  Take care.  Hope x

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